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He was able to successfully continue the interaction with her later on...and was thrilled about it.
But here's the thing. At first, James had left that interaction without getting her number.
When the chips were down, he got what I call "second stage fear or rejection" and bailed out of the conversation.
Ultimately, he didn't want to risk the warm-fuzzies of having had a girl be nice to him. Asking for her number would have done that.
After all, what if she denied him? That would only feel as if he had sort of postponed the "inevitable" rejection.
It's as if he convinced himself the "what if?" fantasy was somehow better than finding out what the real potential there was.
I was left no other option than to ask him how honest he was being with himself.
What would be more painful...knowing that he essentially wimped out and let himself down or, well, anything that woman could say or do to "reject" him?
The answer in his mind was a no-brainer, so he went back in there and did the right thing...ultimately with positive results.
That next level of euphoria would never have happened had he not made the RIGHT decision to believe in himself.
And hey, you know what? Even if something socially catastrophic had happened when asking the woman for her phone number (e.g. she put him off in some extra-rude way), that wouldn't have been a big deal in the long run.
At the very least, it wouldn't have been nearly as damaging as "rejecting" one's SELF.
How do I know this?
Well, besides the repeated stories I've heard from guys corroborating the whole phenomenon we're discussing here as legit, I can actually relate to it myself.
Now granted, I know what it means to show respect and to honor a woman's space without being creepy or weird.
And of course, I know how to be charming.
All of that may have contributed to the simple reality that I honestly, seriously cannot remember the last time I was summarily "rejected" by a woman and forced to take the "walk of shame".
I'm not saying it's never happened.
It's just that I can't REMEMBER the last time I left an interaction with a woman without something positive having happened. In other words, IF it happened I must have gotten over it pretty quickly.
But here's where it gets weird.
I remember a certain little cutie at the county fair in Arizona who seemed perfect for me.
I can tell you what she was wearing.
She even had a tell-tale burn on the inside of her right calf that surely indicated she LOVED riding on motorcycles.
Yeah, I know...it's a little weird to find that attractive. But hey, that only means she must have been even MORE potentially perfect for me, no?
And most of all, I remember completely BONKING at the line when it came time to boldly walk up and meet her.
I came up with a lame excuse, and the world will NEVER know what could have come from it had I met her.
The memory of it all is still crystal clear, despite the fact that it happened over twenty years ago.
And that wasn't an isolated incident, unfortunately.
One time I was flying back home through Houston on a Friday afternoon.
Standing in line with me at the airline's customer service desk during the brief layover was a devastatingly cute brunette who I might have designed myself if I had the power to.
Our eyes met and she flashed me a warm, sexy and friendly smile so bright that it burned a permanent imprint of itself into my memory.
Minutes later she was seated just several meters away in the waiting lounge, where we both waited at least an hour.
She got on the same flight as I did, likely headed home to San Antonio as well, seeing as how it was a Friday afternoon and she was dressed in business attire.
After the flight landed she walked up the jetway directly in front of me.
And time after time I backed off from introducing myself to her.
That was fourteen years ago. I still hadn't learned my lesson.
It's all rather depressing, isn't it?
Well, having pretty much "crushed it" by comparison that fateful morning I met Emily for the first time at IHOP, I can find it in my heart to forgive myself for the peccadilloes of the past.
But believe me, I've met guys who've beaten themselves up so hard over this very same sort of thing that it messes with their heads (and their dating lives) for decades.
Gentlemen...take it from the voice of experience here. Go and meet that woman next time. Not only does SHE want you gather the stones to do it, deep down so do you.
Truly, there's nothing she can do to hurt you any more than the haunting questions of "what might have been"...and those last forever.
Nothing any woman can do to "reject" you will ever hurt more than the pain of rejecting yourself.