Top 10 Examples Of Bad Dating Advice From Miserable People

I've got a "top ten" list of examples of the kind of negative advice you may have received in the past from "poverty" types.

Remember, this sort of admonition can be delivered with a smile. At times, someone may actually even think he or she is giving good advice, having grown so accustomed to the comfort of not having to succeed.

So in the end, you and only you can be counted on to have the wisdom to see which mindset someone is coming from.

Here are the first five. The second half is coming tomorrow.

1) "You're too picky. Nobody is ever going to meet those standards of yours!"

Considering the emotional, material and lifestyle costs of divorce, I would counter this sort of talk with, "Are you out of your freakin' MIND?!?"

If you aren't going to be highly selective with regard to whom you are spending the majority of the rest of your life with, then you are setting yourself up for a world of pain.

Believe it. You MUST not settle. Ever.

Rather, do the work of becoming a man or woman who deserves what you want, which we have talked about repeatedly around here.

Know what traits you require in a mate, and make sure you do your share of the "heavy lifting" to ensure you are equally as valuable a partner to the person who ultimately is your future mate.

Absolutely do what it takes.

Now if you're saying if a person isn't a fan of, say, Jack Johnson's last album then "don't bother", then that's probably being esoteric. You understand the difference there.

2) "All members of the opposite gender are evil / liars / generally bad / screwed in the head. You might as well get used to it."

Yeah well, there are a lot of messed up people out there. And there are also a lot of people who are not messed up.

Assuming all in your life is framed positively, you must learn how to spot signs of bad habits or lifestyle choices that will potentially doom a relationship.

Then, you must make a conscious decision to end a questionable relationship while it's still relatively easy--i.e. before falling in love with such a dangerous person.

From there you go about finding someone who isn't quite as broken.

3) "Don't ever change. Someone will come along who loves you exactly the way you are."

Did you ever notice that most people who go down the "self help" trail fail?

Why? My belief is that in this culture there is a strong pressure to "be yourself", and being "fake" is frowned upon.

The hard truth is that while one is making changes to improve one's life, those changes are going to have to be intentional behaviors-- and therefore not truly part of "being oneself" until they become habit.

So yes, this process is uncomfortable. But when you think about it, shouldn't your very best version of yourself be your true self, even if you haven't yet arrived at the destination?

Read between the lines, and the whole "just be yourself" thing comes from a poverty mentality.

If you want the best out of your life and in turn from a mate, you must deserve what you want.

This means, in no uncertain terms, you must do your part in making sure the type of person you want to be in a relationship with reciprocates those feelings.

Tell me, does this not make perfect sense to you despite all the chatter to the contrary?

4) "Stop trying so hard. Love comes around when you least expect it."

Subscribe to this kind of thinking at work, in parenting your kids, and/or in any other life situation that matters and see what happens.

If you want to succeed in your career you must get training and/or education, you must show up, and you must put forth tremendous effort. If you want your kids to turn out to be great adults, you must actively parent them.

Nothing worth having is accomplished by putting less effort toward it. What we are talking about here is no exception. You must actively pursue the kind of relationship you want.

5) "Perfect relationships don't exist. Just be thankful that you have someone. Plenty of people have nobody!"

Way too many people stay in bad relationships for fear of not being able to find someone else after the breakup. This is a poverty mindset.

If high-quality relationships characterized by love, mutual respect, a close bond, integrity, trust, amazing sex, and big fun did not exist, then why would our hearts yearn for one?

You were created to enjoy a powerfully effective relationship with a special person--and you yourself were created to be that special person for someone else.

Don't confuse this with "sappiness" on my part. This is meant to be "tough love" for many of you.

6) "You'll never get her to go out with you. She is out of your league."

This is probably spoken by some guy who secretly longs for that very woman you've got your eye on, yet is too much of an utter coward to even approach her.

This guy actually hopes you are rejected if and when you ask for the date, but has just enough fear that you WON'T be rejected that it requires his direct intervention in hopes of not having to ever face that reality.

Think about it... How ironic it is that so many of us assume we'll be "rejected" by a woman we want, yet simultaneously fear that the very next guy who approaches her won't be.

7) "Everyone who is a member of those online dating sites is a freak! I wouldn't dare risk it if I were you."

Whatever. I've been online, and I'm no freak, thank you.

These people have either not even tried it (like most who "hate" sushi), don't have the guts to, or bungled their own experience online...yet pass the blame on to those they wrote to.

Or worse, they waited around for everyone else to write them first.

Everyone has to meet somewhere and online is a great place, especially for busy professionals with full lives.

8) "Keep all your options open because she is just going to break your heart eventually."

This all boils down to whether you are a person who a potential partner can commit to or not. Do you deserve what you want?

This ball is in your court, as discussed around here before. It's as simple as that.

If you are all but giving up on a committed relationship before even trying, guess what: you aren't going to get the relationship you want. Work on that.

9) "Love fades away. Make sure you get someone who takes care of you."

Ah yes, "Kissing don't last but cooking do."

Forget about it. If the kissing's gone, the rest is but a shell anyway. Having the love of your lifetime around should mean that the two of you are more than roommates.

Don't be shallow. Here's a dime, go buy some depth...

10) "Everyone makes mistakes. You have to let that [major] one she made go."

This one follows closely behind staying in a relationship simply because it beats being alone.

Whether you're a man OR a woman, if you are violated, put in imminent danger, manipulated to do that which you do not want to do, physically or emotionally assaulted, subject to destructive addictions and/or cheated on...get out.

Do yourself that favor. Once you accept preposterous presumptions upon your relationship that demonstrate your partner has zero respect for you, you have only opened the door for that to happen again and again.

Every time you stick around when something unthinkable is done to you, the more you have effectively given your supposed "partner" permission to stick it to you some more. Don't do that.

There are others I could have included, but this list should serve to help you think of those on your own.

One final note of caution on the dating advice front. At times there can also be advice from truly well meaning people who happen to have such vastly different experiences from ours that the validity of their advice becomes questionable.

For example, a couple who married at age 16 and have been happily hitched for 55 years can have a lot to offer us. Be careful, however, when it comes to their musings about finding a new partner at age 40 after a divorce. See what I'm saying?

What did I miss? Leave it in the comments.

Announcement

Top 10 Examples Of Bad Dating Advice From Miserable People

OlderWomenDating

Google Adsense

Top 10 Examples Of Bad Dating Advice From Miserable People

Categories

Latest Articles