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So much so that almost invariably whenever I write about anything other than that, I get at least one e-mail or comment to the effect of, "Yeah, but...you didn't tell us how to meet women and deal with rejection."
Well, this time I don't plan on getting any such messages. That's because today we're going to hit that most sensitive of subjects.
And guess what? I've actually discovered a whole new angle on it that I don't believe has ever been discussed before.
You see, I've noticed that the vast majority of what's written about pickup says pretty much the same thing. It's all about finding some cool tactic to overcome "approach anxiety" and then avoid "rejection".
Some of the better teachers of the craft are astute enough to focus on how to encourage women to actually LIKE you rather than to simply avoid getting shot down.
For my part, "approach anxiety" isn't something to be conquered so much as channeled into the kind of anticipatory energy you'd feel anytime you're about to do something exciting.
And I'm also either well-known or notorious, depending on how you look at it, for claiming that "rejection" is a myth.
Now more than ever I firmly believe that we as men tend to turn a simple conversation with a woman into a competition when we pre-approve her before even approaching her.
If we'd simply talk to her before deciding we want her so bad, we'd be giving her nothing to actually "reject"...right?
Well, even though what I just said makes perfect sense, in the existential world there are still some guys who either can't or won't take those ideas and run with them.
Despite understanding at the philosophical level, they still will not go face the fear and see what happens.
All the pep talks and "rah-rah speeches" are of no avail.
So right here, right now I'm going to give you another potential avenue for finding a breakthrough. And "breakthrough" might be the perfect word to describe it.
That's because instead of trying to GET OVER "approach anxiety" and AVOID "rejection", I'm going to suggest what may be the unthinkable: I'm going to tell you to plow right through it...like a semi through a brick wall.
Now, just to be clear. I'm not suggesting that you go do something crazy just to make sure some self-respecting woman shoots you down hard. Not at all.
I'm simply suggesting that you give YOURSELF permission for the interaction not to turn out as you'd ideally like for it to.
There, I said it. Yes...I want you to take the risk once and for all and go for it, regardless of the outcome.
"Well, McKay...that sounds about as simplistic and downright Pollyanna-ish as possible. Thanks for nothing!"
Hold on a second. It's not "nothing".
It's a very big "something", especially if you're one of the countless guys reading this who has NEVER actually gone up to a woman and met her because you're afraid of "rejection".
What I'm saying is that instead of holding anything less than getting exactly what you hope for out the interaction as some sort of social disaster with potential long-term ramification, that you see it for what it is.
And what it is is not all that bad, after all. Whatever your analytical mind has conjured up as the biggest nightmare imaginable is probably overblown.
For example, women just don't go around throwing drinks in the face of perfectly decent guys. I mean, have you ever actually SEEN that happen in the real world? If on the odd chance you DID, level with me--the guy must've genuinely deserved it.
One sales video lately (that I've NOT sent to you) starts with a "true" story of a guy getting friggin' arrested and spending the night in jail just because he said "hello" to a woman at Trader Joes.
I can solemnly promise you that will NEVER happen. Even if in the extremely rare event she blows a gasket over someone being friendly to her, nobody is going to drag you away in handcuffs. I mean...think about it.
Nevertheless, it's no wonder men are so horrified to meet women.
What we're talking about here is THE single biggest difference between guys who approach women all the time and guys who go home and rub one out thinking about the hottie they admired from afar earlier this morning: They actually go MEET women.
Once you really, actually go and approach a woman, your psychology on the whole matter WILL change. You'll look at it from a whole new perspective.
That's because no matter what happens, you're going to live. In fact, you'll most likely not even walk away with a limp. You'll be FINE.
Who knows? The next woman you talk to may even adore you and giggle her head off while twirling her hair around. In that case, the biggest "injury" you'll face will be the self-inflicted one when you kick yourself for missing out on so much for so many years.
I've seen this happen countless times during Ten-Plus weekends in- field with guys, even though I've NEVER seen a rude rejection...ever.
That demands this question: Even if she ISN'T interested in you, how bad can it possibly end for you?
If you actually HAVE approached women here and there, I ask you this: What's the biggest, hairiest "rejection" you've ever had to deal with it?
Can you even remember? If so, can you actually look back on it and sort of find humor in it?
Like I said, you LIVED.
And in the real world it doesn't take much field testing to quickly figure out that every approach isn't going to look so much like the worst you've encountered, let alone the worst you've imagined.
If she's married, a lesbian, just passing through or otherwise unavailable then none of that is your fault. She'll simply be respectful in telling you she really can't continue talking to you.
Even if you're not exactly her type, she's probably not going to hammer you with a line-item validation of every limiting belief that's ever choked away your confidence.
And even if she DID--which is overwhelmingly unlikely--you can bet that's HER problem. Who can be that flat-out rude to someone in this life and still be worth getting to know?
Chances are overwhelmingly in your favor that if you present yourself as a "normal" guy who respects her space and doesn't get sexually pushy on her from the get-go, you'll have a nice conversation with her.
And in the event you're really NOT her type, that's actually okay.
NOBODY is EVERYBODY'S "type" anyway. She does NOT speak on behalf of all women, so get over yourself.
Okay, there...I think I've covered it. That's as BAD as it gets.
Seriously.
Now I want you to give an honest thought to the nature of the fear that's been holding you back from meeting women and getting their numbers. The very worst thing that can happen really, truly is that she might not be interested in getting to know you better.
If that's the outcome, you haven't been "beaten by a girl" or anything like that, especially if you've not pre-approved her as some sort of goddess.
In fact, you've WON no matter what. The vast majority of other guys wouldn't have even talked to her--out of the same fear that once held you back. You're already way ahead of the pack by simply showing up.
Guys, guys, guys. These women are NOT going to hurt you, though. They don't even want to, unless they're stark raving psychopaths anyway.
In fact, time after time I've talked to various women about "approach anxiety" and almost all of them say the same thing. "Really? Are guys really that scared of us? I mean, we're GIRLS...why would any guy be afraid of a girl?"
Funny thing about truth. No matter how basic it seems in retrospect, at times it just sort of jumps out from behind a bush and yells "boo", doesn't it?
So go ahead and for once in your life give it a shot. Embrace that fear and DO THIS THING.
Do it in the name of conquering YOURSELF and your own fears rather than seeing the chick as the "conquest".
Maybe that's the most valuable mindset shift of all.
Yes, I did went through this very rite of passage myself. And for sure I've had some women I'd would have loved to get to know decline the offer over the years.
Neither I nor anyone else (man OR woman, actually) is immune to that. It's true. Even as women have passed on me here and there, I've also said "thanks, but no thanks" so some great women who showed interest but who just weren't my type.
And I'm still here. I'm still in one piece. This despite the inevitable setbacks that happened, some of which really were bummers.
But if I could somehow introduce you to all the women who DID seize the opportunity to get to know me--all because I went for it and met them--your jaw would drop.
As it turns out, those women who weren't so excited about me really DIDN'T speak for the entire female gender. Boom.
You don't need me to tell you that things ultimately ended well for me. But it's that journey I've traveled with both hits AND misses that makes me so passionate these days about imparting the courage to you to step up and go meet some women yourself.
I can see that light at the end of the tunnel, even if you're not so sure it's there. You can do this...and as soon as you do, you'll realize you should have LONG ago.
Use the Comments box below and "Have Your Say" (even if you disagree with me). I really appreciate it when people reply with thoughtful comments. Honestly, it makes my day. Either way I will be glad to hear from you. Also forward this article to a friend. I am sure they will appreciate your consideration of them.