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But even though we may understand the fundamental basics of what I'm going to talk about at the instinctive gut-felt level, relatively few guys walking this Earth really get it right in real-world interactions with others--men OR women.
Here's the thing: Even though we know we should always GIVE more than we TAKE during the course of social interactions, a shocking number of guys in particular just can't seem to help themselves...they've just GOT to be at least a little selfish.
And that's disastrous because coming off as selfish in social situations means you might as well beat your chest and blatantly proclaim your neediness to everyone around you.
Even subtle self-serving indications cause others to find someone more important to talk to--in droves.
Here are three areas were MASSIVE faux pas tend to occur:
1) Braggadocio
Believe me when I tell you that nothing in this whole wide world is more BORING to a listener than being asked to endure your endless droning on about how excellent you are.
Yes, I understand the temptation to expedite the process by which the whole world is aware of your many exploits and accomplishments.
But you'll most certainly enjoy more warmly felt accolades from a wider cross-section of your social circle if you let SOMEONE ELSE tell the stories.
Give them room to be amazed on their own. It'll work out better for you in the long run...I promise.
2) Showing Off
Do you feel the need to demonstrate to people how good you are at stuff?
And what if someone else shows some talent? Must you really hog the spotlight and prove to everyone around you how your prowess exceeds that of the other person?
If you answered "yes" to any of those questions, you're absolutely, positively coming off as LESS cool to everyone you know than you think.
In other words, that's being a douche. By definition.
Don't be that guy. Go ahead and celebrate someone else getting a bit of recognition in the moment. The time will come--perhaps in the next friggin' five minutes, if you can just hold your horses--when someone else will acknowledge your talents as well.
And even if that DOESN'T come to pass, rest assured that your quiet resolve to remain cooler than any other needy guys around you will ALWAYS pay rich dividends in the long run.
3) Offering Unsolicited Advice
I have to tell you that this is by FAR the toughest one for me to avoid personally.
After all, I see guys all around me blowing it with women all the time. All. The. Time.
But life experience has told me that I can throw down the most smokin' dating tips in the world to someone who did NOT ask me for them and they'll go 100% unheeded. In fact, I'll probably be resented for offering to help.
Don't be fooled. When you try to give advice to someone who didn't ask for it, it's only going to bug them to no end that you opened your big mouth.
Amazingly, you can even preface unsolicited advice in any way you want--including humility and/or a straightforward acknowledgment that you already realize you're being obnoxious--and it will yet be met with indifference, if not utter hostility.
Come to think of it, I reconnected with an old friend from high school on Facebook recently. The first thing he did was ask me if I was married and how many kids I had. The next thing he did was offer unsolicited marriage and parenting advice.
I'm realizing as I'm typing this that I haven't bothered to chat with him again since. What I'm telling you is no joke.
The only viable exception to the rule of withholding unsolicited advice is when it's truly a matter of life and death. If someone is about to do something mortally stupid and you know better, then it's definitely time to step in. Who cares how you look socially in that case, right?
Bragging, showing off and unsolicited advice are all under the same umbrella, actually...and it's all about lack of empathy and lack of concern for others (in other words, selfishness).
So how about it? Can you bite your tongue when it comes to social selfishness and lead others to feel comfortable talking about themselves instead?
It may take some serious doing at first, but as you get used to it I'm positive you'll find that others around you--perhaps ironically--find you to be a FAR more interesting person.
If you have any comment leave it below and I will reply.