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We lock on to that as a goal, and it's all we care about.
As such, sometimes we end up going on dates with women we should never have agreed to, and we end up "hornswaggled".
"Hoodwinked". "Bamboozled". "Flim-flammed". TRICKED.
We might even fall into the trap willingly, no less. After all, she's finally going out with us, which is all that matters in our mind's eye at the time.
And we PAY. Oh man, do we PAY.
By that I mean literally and figuratively.
Here's how the whole scheme is laid out.
First, a guy like you or me meets a woman who he finds attractive.
He gets her number and calls her.
He asks her on a date, but she's non-committal. Either that or she initially agrees but ends up flaking on him later.
Either way, she's not exactly enthusiastic about coming up with alternate dates and times if the dude's suggested plan doesn't match up with her schedule.
Our hero calls her a couple more times but she either doesn't answer the phone...or if she does offers some vague excuse like, "Gee, I've been really busy lately. I just don't have any time at all to hang out. Maybe some other time."
This goes on for a couple of weeks.
When he answers (after the first ring), she cheerfully and perhaps even flirtatiously says something to the following effect:
"Heyyyy....guess what? I have an extra ticket to the Fall Carnival Fest tonight, and I was wondering if you'd like to join me?"
Excitedly, the guy--who's been chasing her for a couple weeks now--drops everything (even if he has playoff tickets) and instantly agrees to go out with her.
About then he's so thrilled by what he sees as clearly a glorious turn of events that he practically pees his pants.
At precisely 7:30 pm he's right where he's supposed to be to meet his "future girlfriend". He's probably even ten minutes early...you know, just in case.
Sure enough, the woman does not flake on him this time.
She shows up, alright...with a girlfriend AND her married older sister (who decided to tag along at the last minute) AND her four-year-old nephew, who she and her sister are babysitting for the evening.
The guy's taken back by the additional "surprise" members of what's now a full-on entourage, but he soldiers on.
I mean, come on...he can't ruin his chances with her by objecting to anything at this point, right?
Besides, he's thinking of what a great chance he's got now to "impress" everyone at once.
Maybe the two other women will approve of him as well--and talk the woman of his dreams into dating him.
So...onward.
He walks around the carnival with the woman AND the two other women AND the nephew. Possibly, if the stars are aligned, there's hand holding involved.
It's going so well at that point, he figures, that when the boy oddly asks him to buy him some cotton candy, he gladly obliges... noting to himself how amazing this is going to look to the woman of his affections.
Right on cue, she thanks him...with batted eyelashes.
And by the time 11:00 pm rolls around, he's spent over $150 on ride tickets, hot dogs, beer and whatever else...for everyone.
Most likely, one of the women sprung for one round of sodas along the way--you know, just to keep it "even"...or at least so that the guy wouldn't realize he was paying for everything else.
(And hey, one of them had bought the tickets to begin with anyway, right?)
Finally, at precisely 11:15 pm (within an hour of the carnival closing) the girl of his dreams "accidentally" runs into a guy friend she hasn't seen in "forever".
The two of them soon get into a conversation before turning away and walking a short distance away together. Seconds later she starts giggling and hitting him on the shoulder.
One of two things happens after that.
If the other guy actually left the picture, the woman gets a couple of texts that she pretends didn't happen. All the while our main man quietly sulks. He dares not "make a scene" by saying anything.
After all, she'd probably casually pass him off as "just a friend" and he'd be left speechless...and looking pretty foolish.
So he "goes through the motions" from there, keeping his thoughts and emotions to himself like the "nice guy" he is.
Roughly a half hour later, if that, he parts ways with the "entourage", probably with big hugs and a smiley "Thank you soooo much!"
But certainly there's no good night kiss. (I mean, in front of the kid? You can't be serious.)
In the pit of his stomach, he suspects what's going to happen immediately after she drops off her "entourage". And he's right.
Or...the second possible outcome plays out.
If the woman is truly bereft of character, she flat out leaves the guy standing there at the carnival with her friend and married sister--who has graciously agreed to take the four-year-old nephew home for her.
And, of course, she runs off with the other guy who's offered to "drive her home" because she's a little "tipsy" after three or four $8 beers.
If you haven't figured it out yet, out main man got hosed in this deal, either way.
From the very beginning, the woman leveraged his overeager need to see her in order to basically get a free night out for her and three other people.
Amazingly, there's a sliver of a chance that the woman didn't consciously plan all of this in such detail.
There's a small probability that she simply felt like she didn't want to leave the poor guy hanging and that this was a primo chance to "throw him a bone" by hanging out with him...all with the insulation of other trusted people around.
Or, she may have had the big picture in mind all along, including that "chance" meetup with some other guy later in the evening.
After all, she'd never expect that other guy to spend so much on her. Good grief, that might cause him not to want to see her again or something.
Ultimately though, what her exact motives were doesn't really matter.
The point is this: She wasn't even remotely attracted to him, let alone interested in him.
Nevertheless, I've known guys who make excuses for behavior like what I just described and call the woman the next day asking if she'd like to go out again sometime.
Can you imagine that? That's pretty much jacking the pedestal he's put her on to the sky, if you ask me. Crazy.
Remember always that you can bet your life on this: A woman needs to be attracted and interested in order for you to get anywhere romantically with her.
Here's a general set of guidelines to follow based on what we've talked about here.
When a woman is genuinely, really interested in you the following tends to happen:
1) She's excited to go out with you sooner than later (i.e. it doesn't take two weeks).
2) If she can't hang out with you at the time you suggest, she gives you alternate choices.
3) She prefers that you make the plans, since that's what a real man should do.
4) She's makes the extra effort to impress you as opposed to, say, using you as a temporary ATM machine.
And importantly...
5) She makes sure that the two of you get some "quality time" alone. Someone else involved would be as much of a "third wheel" to her as he or she would be to you.
So from now on look for these warning signs whenever a woman you've been "working on" for a while appears to finally "come around" to wanting to go out with you:
1) Sudden transformation from being apathetic towards you to apparently being excited...especially if some time has passed since you've started talking to her.
2) She suggests plans on her terms...probably on very short notice.
3) Other people end up coming along (either announced ahead of time or not).
If you agree to go out with any woman under such circumstances, you're most certainly setting yourself up for a frustrating and very expensive evening.
It's a great thing to be a confident man who perceives himself as having options when it comes to women. That way you can see "trap" situations for what they are instead of being "clouded by beauty vision"...sometimes with disastrous results.
Oh, and for you ladies reading this--and I know you're out there--what we covered today is not gender specific.
Use the Comments box below and "Have Your Say" (even if you disagree with me). I really appreciate it when people reply with thoughtful comments. Honestly, it makes my day. Either way I will be glad to hear from you. Also forward this article to a friend. I am sure they will appreciate your consideration of them.
