Tweet
Fasten your seat belts...this may very well be a wild ride:
1) She Has A Mental Block About Relationships
It's easy to think that because a woman looks good (make that really good) that things are going as well for her as they are for you.
Not so fast, cowboy.
Tons of women look terrific on the outside, but are a total emotional bird's nest internally. Among other factors, they may have what lady gurus call "intimacy issues".
Translated, this means she's just not in the condition to be one
half of a great relationship...and sometimes she may even fully acknowledge that fact.
Maybe she's had negative experiences with a few "bad apples" out there, and now thinks "all men are alike". Or maybe she just got dumped by her "prince charming".
If the wounds are still fresh, she may be particularly prone to passing on every opportunity to date that comes along.
And make no mistake. By "not in the condition to be one-half of a great relationship" I'm not necessarily referring to "marriage", although particularly sharp women seldom treat any type of "date" as utterly devoid of future potential.
But on the other hand, might she be up for a "rebound fling" in the name of making the last guy "pay"? Sure. All I'm saying is you can't count on that.
2) Her Mood
This one looks and feels similar to #1 above, but is more focused on where she is emotionally in the moment rather than as a result of the cumulative effects relationship drama.
Maybe she's still in a huff over what happened at work today. Maybe she's cranky over something else you have no way of knowing about.
Perhaps there's family drama or some other source of genuine stress in her life.
The possibility even exists that she's straight-up not feeling sexy today, and that's all there is to it.
But no matter what it is that's bugging her, she curtly dismissed you when you approach her. For her the timing was just WRONG, even though you had no reason to believe otherwise when you walked up to her.
3) Her Limiting Beliefs
It's easy to think women have all the answers when it comes to dating and relationships, isn't it?
We're told that women are more intuitive and more socially astute than we are.
We're led to believe that beautiful women have it all together and have absolutely zero issues when it comes to dating.
Even the most beautiful women can (and often do) view themselves as wholly inadequate. As tragic and uncalled for as this is, it's what goes on.
So get this: You--despite your own slate of "limiting beliefs"--may very well be considered by her to be "out of her league".
Think I'm kidding? I need both hands to count the number of guys I know whose online dating success skyrocketed as soon as they started writing to the absolute sharpest women in their metro areas instead of the "average" ones.
There's no other solution to explain this weird phenomenon than the one I just threw out on the table.
Bear in mind also the intense pressure women feel to conform to a media-driven stereotype of what "beauty looks like".
This includes, among other preposterous notions, that women should have six-pack abs and "shapely (read: 'flat') buttocks" in order to be attractive to men.
Whatever.
Suffice it to say that most women dread seeing themselves naked, and therefore many of them can't bear the thought of getting naked with a guy anytime soon...so they avoid dating altogether.
That's right, you got it: Women can suffer from "analysis paralysis" as easily as you can, buster. And once that "if/then loop" gets to turnin', there's no stopping it.
If you doubt any of what I'm telling you, consider this. One of my earliest newsletters was called "Why Motherhood Is Sexy". Women e-mailed me in droves afterward telling me they had cried tears of cathartic joy upon reading it.
4) Her Dark Secret
In many ways, this could theoretically fall under the "limiting beliefs" department, but the difference is that here I'm alluding to stuff that even YOU would agree means you ought to think twice about asking her out.
A story comes to mind about a woman I heard about who's estranged husband (in other words, they're still married) had developed the habit of stalking the last few guys she had gone on dates with, and was now wanted by law enforcement authorities in connection with violent threats, etc.
She decided maybe she shouldn't go out on any more dates for a while.
And see? You were thinking I was going to talk about how a woman's latest HIV test may have come back "inconclusive" or something.
No matter what's going on there, there's only one thing that's for sure: She isn't going to feel the need to share the whole, sordid story with YOU just because you invited her to hang out with you. She's simply going to politely refuse your invitation...thank goodness.
5) Her Sexual Orientation
This one is about as straightforward as it gets. Maybe she's a lesbian.
And just like when it comes to "dark secrets", she may not feel particularly compelled to explain that to you. Heck, she may never have explained it to anyone before. Who knows?
6) You're Just Not Her Type
You may just not be her cup of tea. Period, end of story.
And for the 4,572,935th time...this is NOT about you.
If one woman doesn't particularly care for you, it does NOT mean that all women aren't attracted to you either.
Here's an exercise for you that should cure this ailment once and for all.
Try looking at the "flip side" of this whole concept. I want you to think of a woman who is internationally famous for her "beauty", but meanwhile you have no earthly idea why.
For me, Uma Thurman comes to mind. One look at those gnarly bare feet in "Kill Bill" convinced me more than ever. Yet in every movie I've ever seen her in people go on and on about how hot she is. Meh...
Then again, you'll notice that Emily couldn't be more the opposite of Uma Thurman.
Yet, I don't think Uma Thurman could care less whether I agree she's hot or not. Why? Because she has all the attention she needs from other guys...many of whom are probably more HER type than I am anyway.
But on the other hand, I don't care WHAT your excuse is for thinking all women are going to "reject" you for your limiting beliefs. You name it, and I've met a woman who IS attracted to it...even if it's that you happen to be a death row inmate.
I don't care WHO you are. Assuming you're doing the best with what you've got, there's a woman someplace, somewhere who WILL go out with you, and another who NOT go out with you.
In fact, there are probably more than a few of each.
Even Michael Freaking Jordan was summarily rejected at first by the woman who would eventually become his wife.
And sure, therein lies hope that even when the first try isn't successful you can come back later when some of the dust clears from all the factors that weren't about you anyway.
But I remain convinced that the bigger picture is even more reassuring, even if oddly so.
Just like you've got your reasons for not going out with some perfectly great women out there, some perfectly great women have their own set or reasons why they'd pass on you...despite your inherent worth to thousands of other great women everywhere.
Granted, some of those reasons--either yours or hers--are flat-out silly. Maybe we all should just get over it.
But we might not. Meanwhile, the sooner we stop tying our self-perception regarding our "success" with women (and dare I say our self-worth itself) to the outcome of any particular approach situation, the better.