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What in the world can I possibly mean by that?
Well, consider for a moment that you're dating a sharp, successful woman.
Hopefully, this isn't much of a stretch for you by now.
She spends most of her life sorting out men who can't stand up to her. You know, men who are too timid to offer any real leadership.
In fact, most men she's dated have automatically assumed she wanted to "wear the pants" in the relationship.
But along you came, and you're different. You show signs of being a true man.
As a result, she becomes hopeful that your masculine confidence and your ability to inspire her confidence will hold together over time.
In other words, she's looking for you to show character.
She hints that she really enjoys spending time with you.
But when the day comes that you decide to make her your girlfriend you say something like this: "Uh...if it's okay with you, would you maybe possibly like to be my girlfriend? I think a relationship is worth a TRY."
What happened there?
In the example I gave, three things went wrong.
First of all, by asking her for an exclusive relationship, the leadership position is thrust upon her. She wanted you as a man to take the lead.
Second, by using the word "try" an attitude of expected failure is conveyed. Think about it. If you invite people you know to a party and they tell you they'll "try to make it", what are the chances they'll actually show up?
Third, and most importantly, by using syntax like "if it's okay with you", "maybe" and "possibly" the woman sees only a man who is attempting to insulate himself from potential rejection.
And if a man is doubtful of his own worth, then she's likely to follow that lead.
By the way, a woman may not even know why she's reticent to become a guy's girlfriend under such circumstances. She'll simply be disappointed, confused, and somehow insecure about the relationship.
Crazily, it's because we're too safe that we cause insecurity in a woman in situations like this. How's that for irony?
Want a more favorable response from a high quality woman you'd like to be in an exclusive relationship with? Assuming she is at least hinting she wants the same, try this:
"Both of us have busy social lives, I realize. But we're clearly enjoying each other's company more and more as we get to know each other better. I've decided that I really don't want or need to
fill my schedule with other women besides you. From now on I think you and I should be together. Please know I don't take such things lightly, and my intention is to protect your heart."
That paragraph is loaded down with graduate-level chick whispering.
First of all, there is no ambiguity. You are a man who knows what he wants. Yet, you are neither begging, pleading nor expecting failure. Rather, you are expecting positive reciprocation, short of running an "assumptive close" on her.
And most importantly, you inspire confidence and demonstrate a desire to offer her security--even as you somehow convey that life is about to become a shared adventure between you.
Not bad, right?
Remember, the example I've given is purely demonstrative. Please choose your own words when the time comes.
You get my drift.
Incidentally, in case you're wondering, YES...the general principle we're talking about here applies equally when meeting a woman for the first time.
There's a lot of talk about "establishing rapport". Sure, it's nice to find common ground with a woman. That's a great foundation for a good SAFE friendship.
But the higher standard here is to inspire a woman to WANT your leadership.
If you can make her feel secure in her presence while being assertive in a way that shows you have her best interests at heart, a woman will do anything for you.
Read that last sentence again.
Remember, you can be her protector or you can be "harmless". The former ignites femininity, the latter lands in a place WORSE than the dreaded "Just Be Friends" Zone. The choice is yours.
When you get right down to it, what we're talking about here is the ability to take the "big four" and practically apply them at the highest level.
If you can do that, you become a man who wields immense power and influence. Neither "coercion" nor "passivity" holds any place in the realm of power and influence, does it?
A powerful, influential man is not a "controlling jerk", but he's not "Mr. Safe" either.
"Power", of course, is a measure of your personal effectiveness. "Influence" implies the ability to inspire others to follow your lead.
What do you think? Share your thoughts in the comments below!