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"Machismo" tends to cover how we as guys impress each other, whereas TRUE masculinity is defined by women. It's what ignites their femininity in ways that make them hot for us.
Well, based on a coaching call I had the other night I got to thinking about the concept of "not caring what others think" relative to all this.
Now, if there has EVER been a "macho" battle cry it's, "I don't care what other people think".
And over the years, I'd say that just about every one of us has taken the bait...hook, line and sinker. Collectively, we'd all pretty much agree that's what a man SHOULD think.
But in the real world, how we define that concept sometimes doesn't quite mesh with reality, does it?
So then, what does it really mean "not to care what others think of us"?
Is it that we don't need to have others like us?
Certainly a life without friends is a lonely one indeed. And being a "lone wolf" doesn't exactly cause women to fall all over you, either.
In fact, to live a life with that philosophy is to essentially proclaim that you "don't need people" at all...and is tantamount to social suicide.
Have you ever actually met someone who goes around openly saying that? I sure have.
If you have also, you've probably noticed a predictable pattern among them. Those folks usually deserve exactly what they say they want, don't they?
And it's NOT pretty.
You almost get the feeling that some people out there have blown this whole bit of "not caring what other people think" WAY, WAY out of proportion, right?
When you get right down to it, here's a simple truth that most of us who are NOT sociopaths can relate to: People who don't need people tend to be the unhappiest of people, at least generally speaking.
If you really stop and consider it, true happiness is tied directly to the quality of our relationships, isn't it?
People who have great friends-- and, yes...great girlfriends or wives--are almost always the ones who wouldn't trade their lives with anyone else.
Meanwhile, I know plenty of guys who have everything going for them--the car, the job, the education, the bank account--but not the woman they truly want.
And those guys are usually miserable.
I'd even go so far as to say that even if we have friends, but no girlfriend, we may be better off than total loners, but we'll always feel like something's just, well...missing.
So what gives?
Rest assured I'm not bringing all of this up to bum you out.
Rather, I want to call attention to a different and perhaps more beneficial mindset that might better accompany usage of the phrase "I don't care what people think".
That mindset, as you might have already guessed, would encompass the truly masculine rendering of the idea rather than the typical macho manifestation of it.
So then, were a woman to indeed get turned by a guy who "doesn't care what other people think", how would she picture what's going on?
My educated guess is that the relevant attractive trait to a woman would be more along the lines of not letting one's character be influenced by the random opinions of others.
Contrast that against "not needing people" in general.
The thoughts expressed by others that a real man "won't care about" might include the ill-conceived opinions of those who haven't researched a solution quite as well as he has.
He simply won't let "groupthink" override his confidence, provided he's got true faith in his expertise.
Go watch the movie "Apollo 13" and you'll see men with this kind of masculine grit play off one another in every scene...with amazing results.
A real man might also not "care what others think" when he's one of the few, if any, left in the room who is willing to stand up for a higher standard of excellence and/or ethics than anyone else.
While others may tempt him to lower those standards, he doesn't give in to the thought process of the masses.
Or how about this? When everyone else has already let pessimism overtake them, a "Big Four" man may have not let negativity cloud his judgment and indeed still sees light at the end of the
proverbial tunnel.
He presses on where others have given up...and emerges victorious. And in the end, he's the hero of all.
Yes, any man who indeed goes after a consistently higher standard of anything in his life is going to hear "what others think" almost all the time.
And considering how most people are content with mediocrity--even as they view with jealousy those who enjoy a greater measure of success than they do--it's shouldn't be surprising when a high quality man ignores the murmuring of the crowd.
That's why an NBA player who has a bad game doesn't read the papers afterward.
And that's the way it's got to be.
After all, what if a leader--a decision maker--were to be blown and tossed about by the random opinions of others?
Yet...an untold number of men live in exactly that way.
They just do what they're told...by others. Without ever asking why. Without ever having an original thought.
And as a direct result, what's on tap for tomorrow may involve a completely different set of rules, ethics or what have you in order to "get by".
Ironically, such men may even follow a blind routine from day to day without any motivation, ambition or passion...only to come home at night alone thinking "I don't need people."
And those guys are summarily ignored by high quality women.
Meanwhile, the man who knows what is right and stands his ground enchants women at their feminine core...even as he's also adored by his fellow men.
Yes, you just read that correctly.
As soon as we allow others to manipulate our values and our resolve, the same people who sought to change our course actually respect us LESS, don't they?
After all, seeking approval almost always breeds contempt. You know that already.
But staying the course, even when not apparently popular, can often build respect--especially when a greater measure of excellence or a higher moral standard was at play than most other people were content to "settle" for.
What does it all come down to?
If you want it all in life, you'll indeed care what people think of you. It'll matter to you whether you make friends and influence people or not.
You'll recognize the value of friends and lovers and truly enjoy the happiness that those people bring to your life.
And in turn, you'll do what you can to make life better for others as well.
But when the chips are down and your masculine core is challenged, that's when you "won't care what others think".
"Others", in that case, referring to those who aren't among your most trusted confidants.
And that's the kicker, isn't it?
In order to truly know the difference between the "conventional" use of the phrase "I don't care what others think" and the more effective and meaningful one, you've first got to understand the importance of those who mean the most to you to begin with.
What do you think? Share your thoughts in the comments below!