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It isn't the words themselves. She actually means well.
It's the context that's so irksome, right?
I mean, typically women say that when you're either dating one of their friends and are clearly messing everything up or you're about to date one of their friends and she's sure you're probably going to mess everything up.
So the lack of confidence vote is painful in and of itself. But then there's the simple, standalone fact that the advice itself is so, well...lame.
How inane is it to just drop a "be yourself" bomb on someone?
What does it really mean? Aren't we "being ourselves" no matter what, whether it's working or not?
On the surface, it seems about as valuable a "golden nugget of wisdom" as reminding a frog to be green. Whatever.
Ah...but the more I've thought about this, the more I've realized that a little "chick whispering" is in order here.
The central issue here is that most women probably can't really put a finger on why they're exhorting us to "just be ourselves" to begin with. But somehow it just seems like the right way to put their subjective thoughts in as few words as possible.
Were she to elaborate on a more practical level, here's what she might actually want to tell you:
1) She's Female, So Act Like A Man
The most astounding part is that women are actually confused when you neuter yourself on purpose on dates. Honestly, they have no idea why you're being that way.
They show up on dates to meet a man who turns them on, not to have water summarily thrown on any spark of sexual polarity.
2) "Playing It Safe" Isn't Attractive
Another thing women just don't understand is when guys automatically assume they have to walk on eggshells in order for things to go well.
Women want a man with confidence and personal power. That's a turn-on for them.
As such, what they really expect a man who's "keeping it real" to do is to boldly go for what he wants...and in her mind, she hopes it's her.
If you've ever bonked when it was time to go for the first kiss, only to have her get upset about it then you know exactly what I'm talking about.
Remember, the "prevent defense" loses championships.
3) Be Who You Are When You're Hanging Out With Your Guy Friends
What we don't realize is that the normal, dare I say "macho" guy we naturally are by default when casually hanging out with our buddies probably makes women hornier than whatever soft, docile beast of burden we become when we're confronted with a beautiful woman in our presence.
We have no such encumbrances when hanging out with other dudes (or with anyone else we're not sexually attracted to, frankly).
So even if you're talking about golf and making fart jokes you're probably more attractive to a woman sexually than most guys are on first dates.
And that's pretty sad, when you really think about it. After all, far be it from me to recommend talking about golf and making fart jokes on dates.
Hey, I realize this sounds pretty weird.
Yet I distinctly remember back when I used to hang out with my sportbike buddies we focused mostly on "bench racing" and busting each other's balls, even as bunches of girls gathered around and adored us as much as we seemingly ignored them.
4) Stop Trying So Hard
Why not assume she'll be impressed for a change? Why not give her a chance to impress you instead?
Above all, lay off of telling her about all your cool stuff, cool achievements and the like. Let her figure out for herself that you're cool without you feeling like you have to tell her.
5) Relax And Stop Worrying
Nothing--and I mean nothing--gets most men more wadded up in nerves than having to relate to a beautiful, sexy woman.
The inherent problem is that we fear the loss of a "goddess" we've pre-approved as amazing and perfect, even before we've even had the chance to get to know her.
But incredibly, most pretty women have no idea that anything called "approach anxiety" even exists. When you're scared of them they simply think you're, well...a wimp.
Fear and worry do you no good here.
Get out of your own head and consider that she may need you to help her feel more relaxed. She's interacting with you too, you know.
6) Save The Sales Pitch
"Mr. Nice Guy" rears his ugly, unattractive head first when he's walking on eggshells like in point #2 above. He doesn't want to "offend" the woman he's with by being male.
But the even worse version shows up when we clearly have an agenda...we want something. That "something" usually occurs to women as gratuitous sex, which you're willing to use her to get.
So when we're super "nice" to an unnatural degree we come off like a commissioned salesperson with a bad product.
If you confidently believe in your product (i.e. yourself), then you'll help her buy what she likely already wants instead of pushing it on her.
So who knew there was so much punch behind the simple phrase "just be yourself", right?
Now you can consider yourself equipped to accurately decipher what women are really asking for rather than being frustrated by it.
Pretty cool, huh?
What did I miss? Leave it in the comments.