Tweet
After all, this has sort of become a default teaching over the years in men’s dating advice.
Well, I have to tell you that I’m not sure that’s the right mindset to have when meeting women.
I mean, yeah…we all want to get our hands on sexy women. And I realize that waiting sucks. Lots of guys want to get to the “finish line” of sex as soon as possible.
But here’s the thing. Women are smart. They know when they’re getting played, and they are particularly intuitive when they suspect you have a purely sexual agenda.
I believe that the REAL way to keep from being “JBFed” is to turn a woman on naturally with your masculine presence.
I also agree that it’s the word “Just” in “Just Be Friends” that’s the problem.
As such, it’s AFTER you’ve made an alliance with a woman and succeeded at turning her on that physical contact happens more naturally, not the other way around.
That doesn’t seem so ironic when you honestly think about it, does it?
So then, what are guys like us to do when we want to get along with women and turn them on the RIGHT way…but hey, we STILL want to get physical with them sooner than later.
Well it doesn’t have to be.
The cool part is that whether you believe it or not right now, women ALSO want your hands all over them.
They want that physical touch every bit as much as you do. When you get right down to it, it’s a basic human need—male or female— all the way from birth.
But based on what we see in real life in the real world, we’re often left asking, “What’s the deal?”
Some guys face one harsh rejection after another every time they attempt “kino escalation” on dates.
But meanwhile, we see other guys who have women in their arms all the time…effortlessly.
Oftentimes, it’s the women themselves who are running up and hugging them, hitting them on the shoulder and laughing and stuff like that.
True story: Years ago I worked in an office with a lot of pretty girls. One day they hired a new guy and at the close of business that very day all the women were hugging and kissing him goodbye!
At the time that confused the hell out of me.
You may assume at first that the guys who get to touch women sooner and more often than other guys are better looking, in better shape, or whatever.
But that’s not what it’s about.
In truth, what makes all the difference is your intention.
If a woman knows you are thinking primarily about how fast you can get in her pants, then she’s going to be standoffish. That’s when your blatant efforts to touch her as quickly as possible are going to backfire.
Consider how a guy might spend an entire first and second date trying to figure out how to hold a woman’s hand.
But if a woman is, say, getting off of a bus and you offer your hand to help her, she’s likely to take it. It happens without any thought to the contrary.
Why? Because you’re acting in a way that is of direct assistance to her. Your motive is helping her feel safe, not personal gain…at least not directly.
Therefore, if you’re out on a date and an opportunity comes up to hold her hand while helping her off of a bus, or down stairs or even across the street, it’s kind of likely she’ll KEEP holding your hand even after that moment.
What a great example of how touching a woman can happen quickly and easily, as long as she sees your intentions as good.
Of course, another great example is massage. When a woman has had a tough day and/or appears to be stretching her back or neck, you can casually suggest that you rub her shoulders for her to relieve the tension.
Don’t be at all surprised when she takes you up on your offer! After all, you’re leading with helping her out in a real, tangible way. It doesn’t feel to her like a thinly-veiled attempt to feel her up.
Yet weirdly, in that context it’s somehow perfectly okay if she realizes that you’ll derive pleasure from touching her. What matters to her is that your intent is to put her relaxation first. See how that works?
Remember, women WANT your hands all over them. They WANT to be touched by a man. BUT…only when he knows how to make her feel safe and comfortable, having her best interests at heart.
And yes…sometimes having the most amazing sex ever is exactly what’s in her best interest. But it’s especially then that she needs to know that you’re there for her benefit as well as your own.
What do you think? Share your thoughts in the comments below!