9 Ways People Bore Others To Death In Conversation

There's never a shortage of information on how to be a scintillating conversationalist. After all, if a woman finds you interesting, she'll want MORE of you.

But oftentimes in life, one of the best ways to really grasp a concept is to learn what NOT to do as well.

With that in mind (and after enduring years of listening to engineers with IQs of about 200 talk about they personally believe is "fascinating"), I've come up with a fairly quick list of 9 patterns that are typical among people who just flat-out bore others out of their mind in social situations.

Obviously, you don't want to be that guy. So here goes:

1) They Talk About Themselves

You know, it really doesn't matter if you've experienced colossal adventures that will probably languish on most people's "bucket lists" for the rest of their natural lives.

The bottom line is that if you constantly focus on what you do, have or think other people aren't going to find you interesting. The best strategy in life is to let others ask you questions about yourself when they're good and ready and give them matter-of-fact answers that are concise enough to leave them wanting more.

Perhaps ironically, you can be sure that others will actually get around to asking about you. Otherwise they'd be boring and you'd stop talking to them.

In addition to being flat-out boring a person comes off as an unattractive approval-seeker when he or she constantly turns the conversation back toward himself.

For what it's worth, "one-upmanship" is a particularly insidious boredom inducer. If you ever find yourself responding to someone's comment about what they have or what they've done with, "That's nothing, one time I..." then you'll know this is one for you to work on.

2) They Harp On The Same Subject When It Needs Changing

Have you ever been in a conversation with someone who just didn't "get" that there was probably something else worth talking about other than that ONE subject he or she was so fixated on?

It's irritating as all get-out, isn't it?

Fortunately, it's breathtakingly easy to prevent yourself from falling into this pattern. All you do is actually follow through and CHANGE the subject whenever someone indicates it's time to...either directly or indirectly.

And then don't work you way back to it again a minute or so later, por favor.

3) They Bring Up Stuff That's Not Relevant

Ah, yes...the exact OPPOSITE of point #2 above.

The whole idea of "engaging" someone in conversation means to talk WITH them, not in spite of them. So whenever someone brings up a certain topic and you either fail to "engage" it or you change it somewhat randomly, people will grow tired of trying to talk with you very quickly.

Heck, it's going to feel too much like work.

They're there to have some fun, for a change...and they were hoping for that from you. But talking to someone who can't hold a conversation is like talking to a brick wall.

4) They Have No Energy Or Enthusiasm

This is about as basic as it gets: If YOU aren't excited and tantalized by what you're talking about, you can bet your bottom dollar that NOBODY ELSE will be either.

If you drone on in a monotone with absolutely zero "life" in your voice, you might as well be saying "Bueller?" over and over. The general effect will be about the same.

5) They Lack "Field Sense"

This one's a bit more subjective, but easy to recognize just the same.

Essentially, conversational "field sense" is the ability to see that you're "losing" someone in a conversation and then change course on the fly. Think of how an NFL quarterback can improvise after the snap and you've got the right idea.

Coupled with this is the ability to choose topics that are more likely than not to appeal to the person one is talking to. That prevents the problem from ever rearing its ugly head in the first place.

6) They Give Too Many Details

If you can "cut to the chase", that's a virtue. Almost invariably, the more relevant each bit of a story or description is to the actual topic at hand, the better.

Too many "tangents" and "asides" tend to obscure the point, even while it takes longer to get to it. That's like a "double whammy", right there.

7) They Repeat Themselves

Have you ever talked to someone who kept saying the same thing over and over and over again?

I mean, you feel like you're talking to Bubba in Forrest Gump.

If you ever find yourself saying, "Like I said,..." you're skating on thin ice. For what it's worth, I swore off typing that phrase in any newsletter I ever write very shortly after I got started with this gig.

Rest assured, either people heard you the first time or they're not really in the conversation to begin with, which brings us to the next point...

8) They're Distant

By "distant" in this context I mean "unengaged". What we're talking about here is a human dynamic that cuts both ways.

Sure, someone might be barely listening to you because YOU bored them first. But then again, it's still pretty blasted tedious (not to mention irritating) to try to talk to someone who'd clearly rather be somewhere else.

It's a "chicken or the egg" thing, really.

9) They Stay "Engaged" Too Long

Most conversations have a natural ending point. If you've ever been on the phone with someone and you both sort of say, "OK, I gotta run" at the same time then you know EXACTLY what I'm talking about.

On the other hand, if you've NEVER had that happen you might be missing out on a very important social signal.

Whenever someone shows signs that it's time to move on to the next person to talk to or the next item on their busy agenda, it's OKAY to let them go.

Don't take it personally, because the vast majority of the time it's not meant that way. Trying to keep someone roped into the conversation is only going to, well...bore them.

Having jotted down those nine bullet points it's occurred to me how challenging it is to talk about being boring in an "engaging" way.

But hey, I trust you got a kick out of this and that it really will give you some valuable "mental notes" to keep in mind whenever talking to someone else.

There's certainly no shame in slipping up once in a while...we all do it (and I'm sure I'll hear about it the next time I do so in one of these newsletters). The key, however, is always to limit mistakes so as to maximize positive results.

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