Why Women Flake Out On You...And It's Not What You've Heard

One thing that we value in each other as men is reliability.

One of the ways we measure a real man--and a real friend--is that the dude just straight-up does what he says he's going to do.

He gets the job done, and he's got your back.

It's no wonder then that we really want to pull our hair out when a woman SAYS she wants to hear from us and/or go out on a date with us...only to either feed us a lame excuse or even fall off the face of the Earth later.

Why do they have to be like that, anyway?

After having observed--and yes, lived through--countless case studies over the years, I've come to the conclusion that if and when a woman "flakes" on us it's for one of THREE primary reasons.

Fortunately, those three reasons can be easily sorted out based on the nature of your ongoing interaction with women--or lack thereof.

The first reason a woman would "flake out" on you is widely documented nowadays, so it requires little elaboration. With the rise of the "swipe right" world of real-time dating apps, options have become overwhelming to most end-users.

Therefore, we drown in a sea of choice. Since a massive percentage of women have been socialized to be "people pleasers", they have a hard time saying "no".

Having said "yes" or even "maybe" so many times to so many options, boom...what's commonly known as "ghosting" happens in epidemic proportions.

That's just the way it is nowadays, and it doesn't necessarily reflect on you personally. Realistically speaking, any chance you had to even get superficially acquainted with each other got choked out.

The second reason a woman would "flake out" on you is almost as obvious as the first, whether we'd like to admit it or not: She just doesn't really like you all that much after all.

Sure, you may have had a nice conversation with her and so forth, and she may have even thought nice things about you while you were there.

Geez...she may even be legitimately attracted to you, believe it or not.

But ultimately, it's altogether possible that her "warm fuzzies" cooled off and became a bit more prickly over the course of the following few days.

It's as if she had short-term memory loss and can't seem to remember how heroic you were at the time she met you.

Or, she just straight-up succumbed to what she perceived as more promising options (which again...are manifold these days), especially at the exact time you had agreed to call her and/or meet up with her.

Now, importantly here we need to tie together the infamous link between particularly YOUNG women and "flakiness".

It all comes down to immaturity, of course.

A younger woman isn't quite as good at prioritizing her true preferences and desires as much as she is "living in the moment".

Moreover, she might not have enough life experience to fully grasp how much frustration she causes people by not sticking to what she agrees to.

Worse, she'd also probably used to dealing with guys who are every bit as immature as she is....and who therefore tend to happily put up with and even condone her flakiness (or apparently so), all because she's sexy and they don't want to give up on her.

When a woman (especially a younger one) is still in contact with you after she has "flaked" on you, some variation of what we're talking about here is what's going on.

She apologizes profusely, promises she'll make it up to you, and does it all in the world's cutest tone of voice. (Hint: Beware of texts that begin with, "Umm...")

But the bottom line is that until she is as obsessed with you as you are her--or more so--she has the options and you'll only get her excuses.

The third reason why women tend to "flake" on us is FAR less obvious to most of us, but arguably even more common...and significant.

When a woman doesn't return your calls AT ALL, let alone agree to meet you anywhere to hang out 1-on-1 it's because she does not feel comfortable with you.

This concept floors most of us as guys, in part because we're not used to fearing for our safety and security when with MOTOS (members of the other sex).

For women, however, it's a very different story.

In order to successfully get a woman to go on a date with you, she not only has to be attracted to you, she has to feel safe with you.

If you're missing the former but have the latter you're probably about to be banished to the "JBF Zone".

BUT...if she's genuinely attracted to you but NOT comfortable with you, you'll get "FLAKED" on.

Here's how it all works.

You meet her and sure enough she's giggling, twirling her hair...possibly even making out with you right there in the bar or wherever.

That's because you've actually succeeded at making her HOT for you.

Well done there, young Skywalker.

BUT...even though you've traded numbers and she's TOLD you she'd love to see you again, when you call her you get NO ANSWER.

Now, we're going to assume that you haven't been a blatant bonehead and not called her for like a week or something--thereby just making her mad at you.

(I suppose that would be a third reason why she'd flake, at least technically.)

Assuming instead that you called her a day or so later as agreed upon, she's actually decided--once her jets have cooled--that there's NO WAY, NO HOW she feels good about being alone with you in your car, at your place, walking in a park together or possibly even out in public with you.

In fact, if you were simply thinking that you had built "rapport" with her or what have you when you met her--with no objective proof--she may have already been feeling discomfort toward you.

But she was just too "nice" to drop that sort of bomb on you, at least while you were standing there in her presence.

Maybe she just didn't want to risk getting into what she perceived might degenerate into a conflict with you.

So she just gave you her number. And because she'd never want to think of herself as some sort of "liar", she even gave you the real one.

But she has no intention of ever returning your calls. She's just going to hope you go away.

It sounds stone-cold crazy, doesn't it? But rest assured, that's exactly what goes on in a woman's head.

Rest assured, when either one of these two primary reasons for female "flakiness" happens it's not quite as if you've been "rejected", at least not per se.

It may have been that you hadn't ascended to "high priority" status yet in a particular woman's life, or perhaps that you came off as a bit TOO familiar and/or like a pushy sales guy up front.

The good news is that the more you understand about women--including what I've just shared with you today--you'll begin to find that women "flake" out on you far less often than they may have used to.

Start by not being SO available to her. That will increase her level of intrigue and make her want to find out more about you.

Also, make sure you are ALWAYS aware of the fact that women are "security seeking creatures". Proactively suggest meeting in a public place and/or keeping things casual for now.

Oh, and by the way. Notice that conspicuous by its absence from this conversation has been any mention of her "testing you".

Women are not stupid. If they adore you and they feel safe with you they are not going to sabotage a date with you...at least not on purpose by "flaking" on you.

If you think you are being "tested", rest assured it STILL comes down to one or the other: She doesn't yet like you enough to make you her priority or she doesn't feel SAFE enough with you just yet.

The "test" only indicates that she hasn't given up on you yet.

What do you think? Share your thoughts in the comments below!

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