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Discover How to Get Your Ex Back Fast With Proven Plan
This guide is not only going to help you get your ex back, but also help you rediscover yourself.
In summary, we can say that getting your ex back is divided into three phases that are:
- Re-building
- Re-Attracting
- Re-Uniting
Here is a breakdown of the three phases and what we'll cover in this guide:
Phase 1. Re-Building: From Rejected to Reinvented
- How to Stop Moping and Start Living Again!
- How To Shift The Power Back From Your Ex!
- How To Regain Your Confidence And Make Yourself So Irresistible To Your Ex Again
- How To Take Care Of Yourself During A Breakup And Become The You Of Your Dreams!
Phase 2. Re-Attracting: Getting Them Back
- Re-Creating The Original Attraction Your Lover Had For You
- A simple method for getting your ex to think about you all the time!
- Exactly when to contact your ex and what to say including strategies for texting, emailing and meeting-up in person
- The biggest mistake most people make when trying to get back with their ex and how to avoid it!
- ...and much, much more!
Phase 3. Re-Uniting: Keeping Them for Good
- What to do after you get your ex back and how to keep them in your life for good!
- The 6 easy steps to make sure you'll never break up again!
- Creating a healthy, fulfilling and fully-functional relationship so that you are both happier than ever!
- How to write your new future with your ex so that you stay together happily ever after!
PHASE 1. RE-BUILDING: From Rejected to Reinvented
How to Stop Moping and Start Living Again
Dealing with break up is never easy; it can send you into a tailspin.
No doubt, the emotional pain caused by break ups is severe. More often than not, this pain is even worse than physical pain. Unlike physical pain, you have no idea when it's going to end. Emotional pain feels like it will never end.
This is mostly the case if the way the relationship ended was not mutual, or if you want your ex back.
Moping Is Not Allowed
It's natural for you to want to put your head in the sand like an ostrich when you are coping with the emotional pain of a break up, or to pull the bed covers over your head and never come out.
It's okay to feel depressed for awhile, but don't continue this way for a long time. Therefore if it's been a couple of days, weeks or even months since the breakup, then you need to stop feeling downtrodden and depressed and start living your life again. I know this is difficult to do, so I'll tell you how to go about it.
How To Start Living Again
The following 4 steps will help you to get over the emotional pain of the breakup and start living your life again.
Let it All Out
The first step to coping with a breakup is to let out all your emotions. Your emotion after a breakup can be sad, angry, mad or frustrated; you need to let out whatever emotions you are feeling. Let your friends know what you are going through emotionally. Write down your thoughts using means like journal or online blog. If you want to happy with your life again, you must deal with these emotions.
Hit the Town
Feeling miserable and depressed is doing you more harm than good. To get your life back on track, you need to stop sitting around the house and get out. Hang out with your friends and have fun. Go to the mall or go see a movie with your friends. If you are like partying, then go to the clubs and bars. You just need to do things that make you happy, and the best way to achieve that is to get out of the house and hang out with your friends.
Meet New People
One of the best ways to deal with a breakup is to meet new people. This doesn't imply that you should go into a romantic relationship with someone else. You simply need to make new friends and probably go on a date with them. This will help to take your mind off the breakup and your ex, and open you mind to new possibilities. An easy way to get back on your feet after a breakup is by meeting new people.
Give Yourself Time
This is the last step and it's the most important. You must know that you aren't going to get over your breakup overnight, so you need to give yourself time. Dealing with a breakup and the emotional pains that comes with it isn't something you can get over in just a matter of days like some people assume. The fact is, it's impossible to get over a breakup that fast. The emotional pains you are feeling now will come to an end when you give yourself enough. Giving yourself more time is the only way to get over the breakup.
It's common with a lot of people to tend to bottle up their emotions when coping with a breakup. They think that by concealing their emotions they will be able to deal with the breakup. The fact is, bottling up your emotions will do you more harm than good. So, an easy way to let out your emotions is to stop sitting around the house and go out to meet new people. Also, hanging out with friends will help you. you need time to be alone and to grieve.
If you follow the four steps outlined above, you'll be able to deal with the split up.
How To Shift The Power Back From Your Ex
What if there is a way to regain your power back from your ex, won't it be nice? Would it boost your confidence? Would it guarantee you a second chance with your ex?
If so, then read this carefully as I'll be revealing to you a proven and tested step you can implement to achieve that.
However before we talk about the steps you can use to shift the power back from your ex, let's first talk about relationships. Relationships are somewhat of a power struggle, right? You feel amazing when everything is all right in the relationship. However, a split up can make you feel as though there is a part of you that has been taken away by your ex that you need to reclaim. It's imperative that you get your power back because it belongs to no other person but you. If this power remains with your ex, you will feel incompetent to go into another relationship in the future and sometimes your chosen career.
The first thing you must do is to accept the breakup. It's important you embrace this. Not for the sake of your ex, but for your sake. Despite the fact that it's difficult to not have the one you love around you, it's imperative that you realize were losing yourself.
Tell your ex that the breakup was a good idea. You must agree to the breakup regardless of if you both decided to separate for good or just take a break from each other. The only way to make this effective is to believe it yourself. So you have to convince yourself that this decision is for the good of you both.
Next, you must be patient after doing this and letting your lover know. There won't be any drastic change; hence you need to take things slow. You must allow the reality of this to hit your partner. Most people give up at this point because they believe that once they agree to the breakup, their significant other is suppose to come running back. That's not the way it works.
Persistence is the key just like with every situation in life. For the time being, don't sit around doing nothing but rather start doing things to develop and improve yourself. Everyone loves someone who has their own identity; someone who knows themselves. This along with you in agreement to the separation and giving them time apart will make you get back your power, and it's a powerful tactics to make your ex come crawling back to you.
How To Regain Your Confidence And Make Yourself So Irresistible To Your Ex Again
It has never been easy going through a breakup; it can definitely change your thought about yourself and your view on the world around you. All of a sudden, white is black, black is white, and your entire existence is ruined. The person you built your world around betrayed you and there seem to be no way out.
Is it surprising that you are feeling downtrodden right now? The split up has caused you to lose your confidence and it feels as though you are going to remain this way.
A lot of people make mistakes at this point. Losing your confidence makes you become unsure, tentative and most importantly gives so much power to your ex. This isn't intentional on their part, it's simply human nature. They become more confident when we are less confident. In the long run, we accept whatever decision they make on us. While they may get upset whenever we call them, a phone call from them makes us happy. It's amazing how that works!
Did I point out that this is a position of disadvantage?
Situation like this constrain you to limited options because all the power has been shifted to your ex, you can't decide what happens after the breakup. Your ex can act the way they want and can either choose to be with you or not - in contrast, you are left afraid to contact them because you know their response will be negative.
However, is getting that confidence back attainable? Can you build self-esteem even at a position of disadvantage? Emphatically yes!
First, you need to start by moving far away from your ex and that environment for the time being. If you keep on contacting them and trying to get them to change their mind about the breakup, it will be more or less impossible to focus on anything else.
Instead, why not spend time with friends and go back to how you used to live your life before you met your ex? Wouldn't it nice to back to when you weren't in a relationship? A time you were single and happy? You can still get that back; and even more important, your confidence back.
Reminisce about those things you used to do that makes you happy before you started dating your ex. Whether it was traveling, clubbing, sports, pursuing hobbies or socializing - this is the right time to begin engaging in those things again in order to make yourself happy and get your life back. The truth is that, getting your confidence back will be impossible if you keep feeling miserable.
Amazingly, the moment you start doing this, you will reclaim the power back from your ex. Let me tell you, it's a nice position to be. In a short time, you'll realize that you don't feel as heartbroken as you were. They will realize that you have moved on and you seem to be happy with your life. This is the exact opposite of what they expect from you, so they won't like this.
Soon, you'll notice that your ex is going to start drawing closer to you. Hey, they can't do otherwise unless they truly wanted you out of their life for good - and that's unlikely. If they were playing any mind game and felt they had power over you, it's now history because you can approach them with confidence and feel like an equal. This is only when things can progress.
You'll have few choices after a breakup if you lose confidence and self-esteem. Take a break and you'll see it makes a lot of difference.
How To Make Yourself So Irresistible To Your Ex Again
The first thought that comes to your mind when it comes to making yourself irresistible to your ex is to dress attractive and parade yourself in from of them. This might work but it doesn't guarantee a lasting relationship. The best thing to do is to make yourself attractive to your ex on various levels in order to make them go crazy and so they won't want to lose you to someone else - ever! But how can you do this?
You begin by being so happy with yourself, by yourself, that you really don't care about their existence anymore. What? Yes, you need to stop focusing on them and start focusing on making yourself happy first. If you do this, then you'll naturally attract them back to you. Why does this work? There are two reasons why this works. One, it tends to reverse psychology - being happy without your ex will drive them nuts. They will become inquisitive, and thus making you irresistible to them. And two, it's a natural instinct for us to want what we can't have. So, if you are happy without them, they will think you have moved on and don't want them anymore (which isn't exactly true) and their natural instinct will be to try to win your heart back.
So, while you're making effort to make yourself happy without them, you should as well work on things that will get them attracted to you. Dress in a manner that makes you feel great about yourself. That way, you'll be looking good if you accidentally bump into your ex. Also, if their friends run into you, they'll definitely tell your ex that you are looking more attractive that you used to be. It will make them anxious about you, knowing that they'll lose you to someone else if they don't take necessary steps to reconcile with you immediately.
You must do whatever makes you feel confident. This obviously doesn't include sitting in front of the television all day waiting for a call from your ex. It simply means you need to go out and engage yourself with something you've always loved to do. It's even better if you choose something that you ex restricted you from doing. It will boost your confidence and make you feel courageous. It will as well drive your ex nuts when they get to know about it. What your ex want is for you to sit around waiting their call. But guess what? If you are happy living your life without them, it means you might have someone else you are seeing. And even if your ex thinks they don't want you back, they won't want you to be in the arms of someone else either!
How To Take Care Of Yourself During A Breakup And Become The You Of Your Dreams!
Truth is, there is no easy breakup!
Your health and wellbeing can be adversely affected by a breakup if you aren't careful. A few years ago, I completely lost myself when my relationship ended. So, I know exactly what you are going through, but, reminiscing about all I went through with clarity and more confidence, I can conclusively say that a breakup depends so much on the love you have for yourself. You'll allow a breakup destroy you when you have little love for yourself.
Now, let me tell you a little about what I went through during my breakup. It wasn't easy, but I was able to go through my breakup with my partner of four and half years because of certain things I did. I thought I will die, I felt like the best years of my life have been ruined. Well, one thing I took into consideration was that I'm very dramatic sometimes, then before long I had a clear view about things and I came to the realization that this was all about my perspective. My point of view about my situation was totally wrong. So, rather than seeing the end of my relationship as taking away vital years of my life and 'running' me, I made a decision to turn it around for myself and began seeing the breakup as concerning me and my life, making myself believe that the breakup was for my good and that it was the universe redirecting me to my purpose in life. So I never saw it as something negative anymore, and convinced myself to believe that it was a positive and beautiful transition of life to enhance my personal growth and gain more experience in life.
How do you rekindle love in your relationship after a breakup? In order to go back to the beginning of your relationship when your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend first fell in love with you, you must heighten your feelings of attraction and confidence.
You'll agree with me that you are more attracted to someone whose appearance looks gorgeous than someone who care less about their looks. You don't have to look like a movie star to catch the attention of your ex.
However, you must take time out to take care of your health and appearance. This is about bringing out your best and isn't about becoming the most beautiful or handsome person in the room.
That may seem easier said than done when you're going through the emotional pains of a breakup, but taking the right steps can put you in a good emotional state. Taking care of yourself may be difficult, but you must start with this important first step if you want your ex to be attracted to you.
It's very crucial you take care of yourself, because when you take care of you, you exude a vibe that everyone can feel but can't see. It works like a magnet and attracts good people to you. This is the basic step to get your ex back.
However, you can make this even more effective by altering your appearance. You need to break the pattern and have a personal transformation by changing your looks from when you were together.
There are several things you can do to look, sound and even smell different. So that when you contact and meet your ex again they are going to feel more attracted to you.
Psychologically speaking, this makes you start on fresh ground. This process is however unconscious. When the change shows that we care so much for yourself, it has a greater effect. For example, if you were to clear up your acne, lose weight or get your teeth whitened.
In addition, when you take care of you it boosts your confidence which is sexually arousing.
Here are some tips to help you take care of your body, mind and soul while experiencing the pain of a breakup. (Don't just see them as tips but as little reminders.)
Change Your Appearance Positively
Remember, your goal is to "break the pattern" and you can do that in several low-cost ways to make a transformation in your looks. Another goal you must bear in mind is to focus on YOURSELF. Transforming your appearance to look gorgeous and making use of some of the items below will make your ex see a new you as well as skyrocket your self-worth and confidence.
- Get new clothes. You don't have to spend a large amount of money. Simply get outfits that are in style right now. This will make you feel great about what you are wearing.
- Change your hairstyle. This will definitely give you a fresh look.
- Whiten your teeth. You can get your teeth whitened from a dentist very inexpensively.
- Get your body in shape. You need to cultivate the habit of exercising 30 - 45 minute daily. If you already have a gym membership, this is the right time to make use of it.
Change your Mentality Positively
Making positive changes in your appearance is the first step to win him or her back. The fact is, when you feel good about your looks, it gives your confidence a boost and so prevent the feelings of desperation and neediness which kills attraction. Acting desperate or needy will make you lose your ex for good. However, if you want your ex boyfriend or girlfriend back, taking care of your mental health is something you must take seriously.
There are several techniques to help you feel emotionally balanced after going through a painful breakup. Below are ideas to help you recover from the trauma of a breakup, read through them and decide which one will be of help to you.
1. Give Yourself Some Time To Grieve. It's necessary that you take time to grieve everyday for your loved one until you feel at ease. You can't separate tears from your healing process, hence allow yourself to cry to the extent that you want. The emotional burden that comes with grief will be completely wiped away when you let the tears flow. If you feel uncomfortable crying in public, find a secret place like your home or car. You can also call a friend that will give you time to express your pain and let out your tears. During grief, it's so amazing that we utilize a lot of tears. Simple things can make us cry, so ensure you drink lots of water because you get dehydrated when you cry.
Time is a great healer, so giving yourself time to grieve your breakup is important. Get over the emotional trauma and give yourself time to decide what you want to do with your life. You will be making a huge mistake if you begin a new relationship without first getting over the previous one. Take time to take care of yourself, enjoy things you have always loved to do or try something new, hang around family and friend and have a good time just being you.
Moreover, if you give yourself time to heal from the emotional trauma, you will realize that you can make better decisions and you'll no longer feel down trodden.
2. Write It Down. Writing down your feelings and fears helps you to let them go. When you write down negative feelings, you know exactly what's bothering you and allows you to move on rather than dwelling on them.
You can write down your feelings using a journal, a notebook or just some paper. If you are finding it difficult to start, write like you are writing a letter to your parents, a sibling, or a close friend. This will make it easy for you.
One of the best tips to get over mild depressed feelings is to write in your private journal. Journaling won't work for everyone, but trying it will enable you decide if it's for you.
3. Go Out With Friends. Hang out with friends and catch up with your family. Make your friends help you out by going out with them. This is the best time to lean on your friends because they will make you feel better. Those things you usually do with your ex, do them with your friends. In essence, your friends should be your new partner. Do you miss your ex when you sleep alone? Go sleep with your best friend. Do you miss hanging out with your ex and going to your preferred eatery? Plan a date with your friends and find a new restaurant. Partners are similar to friends; they are all special relationships.
4. Avoid Self-Indulgent Habits: You must avoid drinking, smoking, eating too much or fooling around. No doubt, eating can to some extent brighten you up, but you'll eventually gain a lot of weight in the process. This isn't the time to get out of shape, because it's going to make you look awful and thereby making you depressed.
Also, you must stay away from alcohol. The fact is that alcohol act as a depressant; it only makes you feel good about yourself in the short term but eventually causes more pain. Besides, you still have to deal with the resultant hangovers, headaches as well as drunken dialing. So, you won't get any short or long term benefit from these unrestrained behaviors.
The Next Step
Once you have made effort to take care of yourself, you need to make it a routine.
You'll need to continue taking care of yourself while you proceed to the next step. In fact, these are all good habits that will impact your lifestyle positively.
You'll attract many people to you when you exude energy and confidence. You will be amazed at how soon your ex will come crawling back to you when you are positive and healthy.
However, it's not yet time to approach your ex. In the next section we'll talk about how to re-attract your ex back and get them back.
PHASE 2. RE-ATTRACTING: Getting Them Back
Re-Creating The Original Attraction Your Lover Had For You
You've most likely heard the adage that attraction isn't a choice. There are various level in which people are attracted to others - we are even unaware of many of these. Most times, the attraction between people is illogical, yet it exists. If your lover decided to end the relationship, there is a possibility that they still have feelings for you, but the level of attraction they feel may not be the same as before.
But what if there is a way to bring back those initial feelings? What if you could ignite the flames of desire in your ex again? How long do you think it would take for your ex to come back to you?
Understand something: regardless of the reason you ex gave for the breakup, they left you for one reason: they don't feel attracted to you any longer.
This attraction could be physical, mental or emotional. Ultimately, you weren't desirable to you ex anymore. You lost the value you had when the relationship started. The things that attracted your ex to you, and made him or her want to date you? They are no longer there, at least for the time being.
All right, now that you know why your ex left you, it's time to make the next move. The fact is that to win your lover back, the same information will be imperative to make them interested in you again.
However, I'm not insinuating that you should change for someone. We are all familiar with the adage, "love me for who I am."
Nevertheless, you can change certain behaviors without really changing your personality. Most of the time, these behaviors most likely changed while in your relationship and thereby making your other half lose interest in you.
Take a minute to ponder on that. Did you find yourself being jealous at the end, whereas it wasn't so at the beginning? Did you turn out to become controlling to your ex; pestering their Facebook, checking their phone, etc but initially you trusted your partner and such things never crossed your mind?
If that's the case, YOU CHANGED! You became insecure while in your relationship. You became needy, or covetous, or complaining. Regardless of what it was, it wasn't how you acted when you first met him or her. The things that initially attracted your boyfriend or girlfriend to you had gradually faded away.
There are six things you can do right now to re-create the original attraction your lover had for you:
Be Social
You need to stop wallowing in pity. Staying inside alone at home all day feeling down trodden because of your breakup is a huge turnoff. Therefore make it a point to go out and meet people.
Call old friend you haven't seen in a long time. Meet up with relatives you haven't being in contact with in a while. Visit new place, exploit things that are new. Most importantly, have a nice time. The fact is that you become more attractive to your ex when you become more social. So, surround yourself with people because it's the key to rekindle attraction.
Take the Lead
Leadership is one of the basic characteristics of charisma. If you take your mind back to a charismatic friend you know? You will realize that they are always the one making the decision.
People are attracted to leaders. There is fun and adventure everywhere a leader goes. For women, leadership qualities in a man make him more attractive. As for men, women possessing leadership trait are attractive for similar reasons; they are independent, fun to be with, and less needy or insecure.
Take Personal Responsibility for Your Happiness
There are people who say things like, "I can't live without them" or "my lover is my whole world."
People who say this are making a big mistake with their lives. Your lover should constituent an important part of your life, but by no means your whole life. They should improve and make it better. You should become a better person because of their support.
Nonetheless, you need to be responsible for your own happiness. If your happiness is determined by your mate, then a breakup is all it takes to make you sad. You realize this because it's what is happening to you now.
The fact is that, being happy makes you attractive. If you are out always happy and having a good time without your ex, they'll be amazed at how well you are doing without them. This makes them feel they might have made a mistake about their decision to breakup with you. It demoralizes them, realizing that you were a great catch that they let go by mistake.
Get Busy
People who always have things to do appear interesting and attractive, on the other hand people who are idle seem to be boring. Now, if you put yourself in your ex's place, who would you rather date?
You were definitely engaged with certain things before meeting your ex. So, now is the best time to start doing those things again. No doubt, being in a relationship is time consuming and there is a probability that you have dropped a few hobbies or even certain sports you love.
Ensure You Have Set Goals
Nobody wants to be around someone who has no direction for his or her live. We all want to be around someone who's going somewhere in life, and one who will definitely take us to a favorable destination in life. Your lover will be more attracted to you if they know your destination in life is promising.
Examine your present state in life. If you're still schooling, do you have plans for college or a career path?
If you aren't in school, are you working? If not, you're making yourself unattractive. If so, is there room for something bigger in your job, or could you make it better?
In as much as it's easy to get comfortable in a routine or job, it's also easy to get lazy. If you're just there doing nothing right now, you partner might be expecting something more. However, if you have concrete goals and make effort to achieve them, that increases your value immediately.
Start Dating Again
Dating other people even if it's casual is a motivating factor to make your ex crave you again. This is because if they still have feelings for you, they won't be able to stand the sight of you with someone else. Suddenly seeing you with someone else makes you appear attractive to them again.
You have probably cried and begged your ex to take you back. So, your ex knows they can have you back and this definitely made him or her comfortable. This gave them the freedom to be single and date others, because they are aware they can get you back at any time they want.
Seeing other people deprives them of that. The act of being pompous that you can't live without them disappears. This puts them in a state of dilemma. They observe you from afar and when you get their attention, you must ensure you appear attractive by doing the above six other things we've talked about.
A Simple Method For Getting Your Ex To Think About You All The Time!
Winning back the love of a person who called it quits to the relationship is not proven to be very easy. But with the use of some tricks and making the right moves, you can put up a fight that is hard to resist. The one sure way to regain your ex's attention is to help them see how empty their life is without you in it. You can easily do that and with it you'll be taking the first step towards being with them again. Here are some helpful tips to make your ex miss you and want you back:
Hide from Your Ex
The first thing that you must do is to ensure that your significant other does not get to see you. Cut communication of all kinds and don't go to places where you might run into him or her. When your ex doesn't see you, they will look for you.
Look Extraordinary
When you have the time to yourself, best way to elevate your feelings is to groom yourself. Do everything you can to look exceptional.
Show Off Your Skills
While you are separated, you can make your partner miss you by showing your skills that they loved the most. For example, if you know how to play a musical instrument and your ex loves that about you, then you should show it off at places where they will see you such as at parties. Your ex will definitely miss you.
Never Try To Chase After Your Ex
You wanted to explain everything to your ex and want to fix things up. However, you should never try to chase after him or her. It will only boost their ego and pride and you will just give them the reason to take you for granted.
Run into Your Ex
Try and visit a party or a place where you are likely to find your ex and it should look completely accidental. Remember to look exceptional when they see you. Do not stop to talk to them at this meeting.
Be Composed
Your ex will try to call you when they see you after a long time and you don't have time for them. Take his or her calls and be extremely composed when you talk. Sound confident of a new beginning and stay relaxed.
Take Advantage
It will surely disturb your ex to see you happy and confident. You will have to take this to your advantage and just talk to them enough to make them miss you. Remember not to talk for a long time and more than once in two days.
Cut Your Ex Off
If your ex tries to see you more than required, then make polite excuses and tell them you are busy. This will surely make them miss you more than ever.
Be Seen With A Friend
This should do the trick in making your ex miss you like crazy. Go on a date with a friend to some place your ex will see you for sure. Be happy in your friend's company and look stunning on your date. When you talk to your ex and they ask you about it, just brush it off casually that it was a friend. Your ex will surely try to get you back in their life after they misses you so much.
Be sure not to over emphasize on anything, or they will have an idea of your plan and things can get much more complicated.
Hang Out With Mutual Friends But Don't Talk To Your Ex That Much
While you hang out with your common friends and your ex is also there, you shouldn't talk too much with them so that they will realize their true feelings for you that they miss you.
Exactly When To Contact Your Ex And What To Say Including Strategies For Texting, Emailing and Meeting-Up In Person
One of the biggest questions people have after a breakup is when to contact their ex. Certainly, you must have been doing the no contact rule. If you don't know what the no contact rule is all about; it's a method to help get your ex's attention. Basically, it's about giving your ex space in order to create an absence in their life. This will enable them to miss you and before long they will be craving to have you back. The no contact rule is very effective if done properly and those who have tried it can testify to the fact that it works like magic. Timing is important for it to be effective. If you don't give your ex enough space before contacting them, you might cause more harm than good. On the other hand, if you give too much space before contacting them, they may assume you have moved on and forget about you.
When it comes to deciding when to contact your ex, you must put your ex's emotion into consideration. Breakups are never easy regardless of who broke up with the other. Your ex has gone through emotional times just like you. So, contacting them too soon is like adding fuel to the fire.
You must allow things to calm down if you want a chance with your ex again. This will help to make the bad emotions of the breakup fade away and make them open to hearing what you have to say about getting back together.
So, How Long Should You Wait Before Contacting Your Ex?
Generally, you want to wait for at least one month. You should start counting from the day you begin the no contact. This has to be brought to your notice even though it appears obvious because a lot of people will send a text message or leave a brief voicemail and assume that contact doesn't count. In order to make the no contact rule effective, you must completely block your ex from your life and that means no calls, text messages, emails or any other form of contact from you for a month. You aren't even permitted to send them a secret message through a mutual friend. All contact with your ex must be cut off.
For most people, the most difficult aspect of the no contact period is how to keep themselves busy. It can be tempting to deny yourself of having something you know you can get. This is comparable to when you go on a diet. You can only crave your favorite food because you can't have it anymore. Similarly, you want your ex more when you stop talking to them.
The first thing you need to do to keep yourself busy during this few weeks of no contact is to make a list of small project you've been procrastinating to do. It could be anything from getting a new hairdo to doing the laundry. Make it a point to pick a few tasks from the list on a daily basis and get it done. This will help to keep you busy. Another thing you can do to help occupy your time is to reconnect with old friends. Invite an old friend out to lunch. This is also the best time to get in touch with family members you haven't seen in awhile. If you keep yourself occupied with various task everyday, one month will be over soon and you can then contact your ex again. Expect a more kindhearted and understanding ex. Your ex is going to appreciate you more now because you have been absent in their lives.
A 3 Step Guide to Contacting Your Ex the Correct Way
So you have completed the one month of no contact and you're still passionate to contact your ex? Then it's imperative you get in touch with them the right way. Contacting them the wrong way will simply ruin your hard work of no contact for one month. You have done the 30 days of no contact phase, right? Yes? Excellent.
If up till now your ex hasn't contacted you, I would be really amazed. More often than not, they will begin to miss you when you have not contacted them for one month and there is likelihood that they will contact you. I can say this is absolutely true from my previous experience. I will, however, guide you on how to contact them assuming you have completed the no contact phase and they still haven't contacted you.
Did you complete the steps above? Have you gotten rid of your negative emotions? Have you figured out the reason for the breakup? Have you been making effort to improve your life? If not, then it's important you first take care of these three things. You must be in the right state of mind before contacting your ex. You can speak the right words but if you're in a bad emotional state then she'll perceive that and your words will appear as weak and manipulative to her. Before you initiate contact with them ensure you're in the right state of mind. It's important!
If you've completed the recommended steps above and you're ready to contact your ex, here are the three steps to contact them properly.
Step 1: Send A Friendly Message
A good way to find out how your ex feels about you at the moment is to send them a message. You ought to send them a casual message and it could be either through text, email or social network. You can ask about their wellbeing or ask and comment on things you know they love to do.
Your focus at this point is to become friends with your ex. Don't contact them with the aim to get him or her back. I suggest you send a text message because it won't put you at a risk of rejection. If you call them and they decide not to pick-up, it will send you over the edge and you'll eventually become depressed. So it's best to send a text, ensure your text is positive, cheerful and gives them value.
An example of a bad message; "Baby I miss you so much, it has been so difficult for me not talking to you for a month. I really NEED you XXxxX." What makes this message bad? It obviously shows that you are needy, insecure and you aren't happy with your life. A message like this will simply pull your ex further away from you. They are just going to feel sorry for you but will lose all feelings of attraction.
An example of a good message; "Hey NAME, one of my friends just told me about a yoga class near 254 Sandy Spring Street. It's at no cost for beginners. You should try it my friend says it's awesome!" What makes this a good message? If your ex was interested in learning yoga but couldn't find a place then you have added value to their lives and you have also showed that you are sociable because you have friends. This is also a positive message. This message will also leave your ex wondering "which of your friends goes to yoga class?" This will create a mystery in the mind of your ex.
If the response of your ex is positive, then it's a hint that you can take it one step further.
Step 2: Call Over The Phone
If after sending your ex a message and you get a positive reply, you can call them over the phone. The initial call should still be kept casual. You should wait for them to open up what happened between the two of you. You can initiate talking about it if you feel like in the course of the conversation that they are ready.
Talking over the phone does help you be friends with each other again. It is important because it will help heal the wounds that you two may have inflicted to each other on the course of breaking up.
Step 3: Once You Have Established an Easy Relationship, See Your Ex In Person
Talking to each other on the phone can help rebuild a friendly bond. Once you have that, you can finally ask to meet up with your ex. You can either ask your ex out on a casual coffee date or lunch meeting or you can set up some kind of activity with a group of your mutual friends. It depends on which you think will be more comfortable for both of you.
The method to contact your ex doesn't really differ no matter what your reasons are. Even if you just want to be friends and don't want to have your ex back, these three steps are still effective.
The Biggest Mistake Most People Make When Trying To Get Back With Their Ex And How To Avoid It!
When you're on a mission to get your ex back, there's a lot of stress to deal with...and a lot of people make some pretty bad mistakes because they get so fouled up by it. Some of these mistakes can be pretty costly, so it's a good idea to watch out for them and stop them before they happen.
Some of these mistakes can be hard to see coming, because you do them almost on impulse. A lot of emotions can fly around in a breakup, and it can lead to poor judgment on your part when it comes to hasty choices. There are several things that people do time and again that can all but ruin their chances to find happiness again with their ex. Don't freak out if you've done these already...you CAN still find a happy ending even if you have, but definitely watch out and try to avoid them if possible:
Allowing Your Ex To See That You're Desperate
The first big mistake people usually make happens as soon as the initial breakup fight ends...so chances are if you're reading this you may already have made it! A lot of people panic when their partners break up with them, and with the best of intentions (to prove your dedication and love beyond a shadow of a doubt) they make the huge mistake of swamping their ex with attention. This is a big no-no.
When your partner breaks up with you, it means he or she needs some time off. Granted, your ex probably had a lot more time off in mind when he or she dumped you, but a period of about a month should be spent with as absolutely little contact with one another as possible given the circumstances. If you and your ex work in the same place or have the same classes together, it'll be hard to avoid each other altogether...so just be civil and polite without being personal. If there are no such issues, though...keep away, no matter how much you feel you need to talk to him or her.
Chasing your ex down may be romantic and dedicated in your head, but outside your head it translates to desperate and lonely...and it only hurts your chances of ever pulling off a reconciliation. Give your ex this month of free space...it's a great way to get him or her to start to miss you, and if you guys really were such a great fit your ex will probably have you on his/her mind a lot.
Drunken Dialing
The other most destructive mistake people make is during this period when the pain and loneliness is at its peak...I call it "drunken dialing." You've probably heard of or experienced it...when it's so late at night it's technically morning, you've had a few drinks to try and dull the pain, and you miss your ex so bad that you don't care about keeping your distance and just want to hear his or her voice...so you whip out your phone and make the call. More likely than not your ex will be sleeping if he or she is even home, so you'll get the answering machine or voicemail and feel compelled to let all your feelings come rushing out of your mouth and into the recorder.
Then you wake up the next morning and bang your head against the wall for what you did...not exactly helping the hangover you probably have. If you think pursuing your ex after a breakup makes you look desperate and needy, those dramatic 3AM phone calls really take the cake. One of your goals should be to let your ex see how well you're doing and moving on, and that's NOT an image that's going to be supported by a case of drunken dialing. Luckily, this mistake is easy enough to avoid if you have a lockdown on your self-control that hasn't been loosened by drugs or alcohol...it also helps to actually get some sleep, so that you're not up that late (easier said than done I know, but it's unhealthy to lose sleep anyways).
Text-Message Terrorism
It's kind of like Drunken Dialing, but it's worse because it's usually done sober and a lot more often. This is when you overwhelm your ex with constant phone calls, emails, or text messages begging them to give you another chance. This does NOT help you in ANY way...all it does is drive your ex further away and make it even harder to get them back.
Drugs and Alcohol
Turning to alcohol or other unhealthy "easy ways out" of your breakup depression and loneliness. It's okay to feel the pain of being without the one you love...if you care about them that much, I'd expect your life right now to be a living Hell...but turning to liquor and other similar forms of relief won't get you anywhere but further down. They may seem like a way to loosen up and relax, but in truth most of the time it'll only make your pain even worse...which can lead you to do some things you'll really regret.
Avoid Jealousy, Avoid Drama
Once you become jealous of you partner, then drama will always come up. If you have gotten back with your ex and you begin being suspicious of their friends, especially if they are of the opposite sex, then you will begin questioning them and with time lose their trust. This will lead to endless quarrels and thus, you have drama after drama after drama...Want to avoid all this drama? Don't be jealous and trust you partner, even if it is hard!
Never Confront
This is something major. This is one type of reaction that should be controlled. Don't confront your partner even when you are sure they have done something wrong. You can talk to them over a meal or something and don't point it out directly. Bring it out slowly and in a wise way.
So those are the biggest whoppers of mistakes people make sometimes...they're often so impulsive that people can't catch them, but they're totally avoidable and with some substantial effort fixable if this article came too late for you. The bottom line is that determination and self-control are two of the most valuable traits when you're trying to get your ex back, as well as when you're trying to keep a relationship from going under in the first place.
PHASE 3. RE-UNITING: Keeping Them For Good
What To Do After You Get Your Ex Back And How To Keep Them In Your Life For Good!
There are so many dynamics at play when it comes to a relationship between a man and woman. If one of them calls it quits, the damage is usually irreparable. Yet, there are some couples who make it and somehow manage to put the break up behind them.
Having said that, one can't deny that people change with time. Priorities change, their outlook to life changes. So, even if you get your ex back after a break up, be prepared to face and accept some changes. For starters, things might not seem so hunky dory anymore. Being friends after a gap can feel strange. And your moments of togetherness can be fraught with differences. How does one get past this? What's the best way to go through this transitory period? Let's find out:
- You've spent time apart so there's a strong likelihood that your lifestyle might have changed. Don't feel compelled to bend over backwards to alter your lifestyle drastically. But you do need to be sensitive towards your ex, respect his/her wishes and make some adjustments where necessary. An honest discussion is called for, ideally before you take your ex back. Lay down the do's and don'ts so there's less room for misunderstanding. Talk about your expectations from each other. This will help in the long run as long as you respect each other's wishes and abide by the 'rules'.
- Don't utter harsh words out of anger or you'll end up regretting you did. Sure, a third party may have come between you and may even have been responsible for your break up, but name calling won't get you anywhere. It could make your ex defensive or protective towards the third party. And you don't want that! Try not to be judgmental. You've got your ex back because he/she still loves you and that should suffice. Let the third person deal with their own karma! And they will have to, you can be sure of that.
- A bad experience is an opportunity to grow, to realize one's own mistakes as well. Since you've been through so much pain and heart ache, try to learn from this experience. Figure out what you can do differently this time round. How can you become a better person?
- Don't overexert yourself or go out of your way to do things now that you've got your ex back. He/she made a mistake by leaving you for another and needs to make amends now. Let your ex also take steps to rebuild the relationship.
- If you find your ex a changed person, know that it might take longer than you expected to adjust to one another again.
- Keep in mind that your strategies to get your ex back have worked and he/she is back because they value you more as a partner. Feel good about that and use it to combat the hit your self-esteem might've taken. At the same time, be more alert since your ex has been unfaithful.
- Try not to question your ex about the third person or the past, since it's bound to trigger anger, bitterness and guilt. By all means have a detailed talk about 'the topic, but after that, put it aside. Act as if the break up never happened! Sometimes playing dumb is playing smart!
As you can see, it may not be smooth sailing even after you succeed in getting your ex back. Both of you will have to be patient, committed and extremely loving and caring to mend the damage done. But it can be done.
The Six Things You Need to Make Sure You'll Never Break up Again
Happy relationships don't simply happen; and they don't build and maintain themselves. Although it may be true that you meet someone who makes you happy, and you form a relationship for that reason; people, times, situations, attitudes, and personalities change - of this you can be sure. But you can keep a relationship happy - as long as you have these six-things:
1. Awareness - Awareness that you need to continue learning about yourself and others - and how these things relate to each other - is the first step in seeking out the other ingredients for a happy relationship. Without the awareness that there is more happiness to be found, and awareness or belief that there is a recipe for creating it - or a map for finding it - then no search would begin, and no efforts to improve the self would be initiated.
2. Incentive - You simply must have a reason for doing anything. And, if that thing is even potentially difficult or time-consuming - like building a relationship, for instance - then the incentive will probably need to be pretty big. Seriously consider what happiness is worth to you. Seriously consider your priorities and where the happiness of others fits in to them.
3. Willingness - If you aren't willing to learn, work for what you want, or change, then you just don't have a very important ingredient in a happy, successful relationship. Willingness to sacrifice is a basic relationship skill.
4. Intent - In order to have a happy relationship, you must decide that you want a happy relationship and make that your intention.
5. Strategy/Plan - Anything you build or create will require some kind of plan - a recipe, a blueprint, a game plan, etc. Creating a happy relationship requires you to plan new responses to certain situations, and develop new strategies for strengthening the relationship on a daily basis.
6. Tools/Techniques - Wanting and planning for something isn't always enough. There are many tools and techniques available to help you release tension, stress, anxiety, and negative or limiting beliefs, so you can make better decisions and hear the guidance from your heart more clearly. EFT, Z-Point, TAT, Psych-K, and Hypnosis are all examples of tools being used to create balanced lives and relationships.
Love isn't on this list because not all relationships are romantic in nature; but all relationships require at least these six-items. Even many marriages are arranged, or formed for some reason other than love. In these relationships, love can develop if you work together on building a strong, happy relationship. The only alternative is being unhappy and unfulfilled - which will ultimately lead to illness. The ultimate relationship, of course, includes these six-items - and love. Try it for yourself, and you'll see; if you combine the right ingredients, you will never breakup with your partner again.
How To Write Your New Future With Your Ex So That You Stay Together Happily Ever After
Everybody yearns to be loved and appreciated. For a relationship to work, the parties involved have to give it all to reap the benefits that come with happy relationships. Most people think that when they get into relationships, things will just work out on their own which is not the case. Just like in any other thing that requires success, relationships are no exception. People have to devote themselves, commit their time and input much effort for them to build a happy relationship. It's important to know what will keep a relationship ablaze and overcome the challenges that face relationships.
To start with, time factor is of essence in any relationship. Create and spend time together. This will help you discover your partner's character, interests, strengths and weaknesses. When spending time together, you can discover similar activities or interests that you can do together and help your bond become stronger. You can spend time with friends, family, go for lunch out, attend a sporting event or go to the movies together. Get off the busy daily schedules you could be having and spend time with your loved one. Whatever it is that you can do and enjoy together, will go a long way to showing your partner you are committed to your relationship.
Another aspect to build a happy relationship is being yourself. Most relationships where people pretend in order to please the other partner don't last long. You cannot act with pretense forever and the earlier the other person knows your real character and how you deal with issues, the better. Your partner needs to see your confidence for them to develop trust in you.
Misunderstandings happen all the times in any healthy relationship. When this occurs, talk with your partner, respect each other's differences and don't expect your partner to agree with you on everything you say. Reach on a mutual agreement and be committed to it because this will create confidence and security for your relationship to flourish. Listen attentively to your partner and pay attention to their view and opinions. Give honest and positive feedback when you are conversing and avoid uncomfortable or embarrassing responses that can hurt your partner. People feel good when they are encouraged, cared for and appreciated.
You have to learn to forgive and forget. Life is small, live it large. Learning to forgive one another is the only way to create a happy and lasting relationship. Admit your mistakes and never try to defend yourself when you're wrong. Instead, ask for forgiveness and let go of the past and let your attention be on the present.
Maintain a healthy relationship and you would never feel any emptiness in life and would be happy with yourself for being one of those very few people who succeed in creating a happy relationship. Long lasting relationships require time and attention. You will have to both commit to seeing the relationship through difficult and calm times. Be willing to get vulnerable and allow your heart to engage. When you put these things into practice you will discover how rewarding and successful your relationship will be.
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