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This one landed in my devious mind as I was driving the 140-mile stretch between San Antonio and Corpus Christi for the seventy-leventh time.
Over the din of Jim Rome in the background blathering on about Johnny Manziel and Kobe Bryant, I found myself daydreaming about how much we as dating coaches talk about stuff like "approach anxiety", being "Mr. Nice Guy" and--of course--the dreaded "Just Be Friends Zone".
Man...we can talk about that stuff all day long and it seems like y'all don't ever get sick of it.
Point taken.
But since we're sort of unique around here in that we work with both men and women, my thoughts started to wander a bit.
I started considering what women might be most concerned about.
Oh, to be sure they get all wadded up in nerves when men talk to them.
And they worry about coming off as too "nice" and being some manipulative guy's doormat.
And yeppers...they even fear that the guy they really like will "JBF" them.
But you know what? Along the same lines as the "Just Be Friends Zone", there's actually a darker, more remote and even scarier place that women are stone-cold terrified you'll exile them to.
It's so far off the charted map, in fact, that I'm not sure it's ever been given a name.
Let's call it "The Just Be Sex Zone".
If it were a place in Canada, its postal code might be "A69 4U2".
Nevertheless, I'm sure that the "JBS Zone" already sounds like a tropical paradise to you.
You may be going through just enough of a "dry spell" lately that you could only hope and yearn for a woman to come use you as a "masturbation tool".
But get inside the mind of a woman, and you'll see a completely different mindset.
You see, even for the most average among women in the sexual attractiveness department, having sexual opportunity is nothing new.
In fact, I'm starting to figure out that less attractive women might actually encounter just as much overt sexual interest as incredibly sexy women do, all thanks to how scared most men are of women who they perceive to be "out of their league".
I know...pretty sad, right?
Nevertheless, it is what it is.
If your biggest fear as a man is that women will "JBF" you--finding you "nice" for every kind of friendship BUT a sexual one--then a woman's biggest fear is likely that you will "JBS" her--finding her suitable only for a sexual friendship, but for nothing else.
Shazam! That's like a friggin' lightning bolt, huh?
But it's true. Women are practically phobic about being used for sex and thrown away. And lots of them have therefore become suspect of any guy who shows interest in them.
Welcome to why all of those compliments that focus on her looks, all of the sexual innuendo and contrived "kino escalation" tactics will never, ever build the kind of comfort and security in a woman you really need her to feel.
Yeah, I realize what I just said is somewhat open to controversy, but put what I'm telling you here to the test. That's all I ask.
The more a woman has been hit up for "booty calls" by guys with purely sexual intentions, the more discouraged--and jaded towards men--she gets.
Women want a man who is willing to look a bit further into who she really is. They want a man who is interested in HER at every level, not just the sexual one.
In that last sentence, if you were sharp enough to detect it, I revealed yet another great secret to being a woman's hero.
Even though you might not relate to a woman's fear of the "JBS Zone", you can understand it.
How's that? Simple. Functionally, it works just like the all-too-familiar "JBF Zone".
That's right.
You already know that it's not the "friends" part of "JBF" that's the killer, it's the "just".
We want to be friends with the women we're attracted to.
But we want more than just that if we're sexually attracted to her.
For women, it's not the "sex" part of "JBS" that's the killer, it's the "just".
They want to have sex with the men they're attracted to. But they want more than just that if they're attracted to you.
Can you see the power of this knowledge? How much can it help you deserve what you want?
What do you think? Share your thoughts in the comments below!