It's frustrating isn't it?

You've met a woman you really like and you're all for following the normal, reasonable path to seeing where things go with her.

But for some reason she wants to slam on the brakes and "take it slow". What's up with that?

Well, the rookie mindset would be to try to "power through" the whole thing and sort of convince her to drop her defenses (or whatever) and just go with the flow.

But here's the thing. Not all of these situations are created equal.

While it's true that sometimes women might give you lame excuses because they're still on the fence about you, other times their reasons for not moving at your pace might be based on experience.

How can you tell the difference? And better yet, how can you figure out how to lead accordingly?

I'll show you exactly how to sort everything out. Let's start today by examining six very real reasons for "taking it slow" in her mind, each of which you should take seriously.


1) Very Recent Breakup

Different people handle breakups in different ways. Some bounce back pretty quickly and are ready to meet someone else almost immediately. Others, not so much.

If she tells you that she's just broken up with someone and is still pretty broken up over it herself, go ahead and give her plenty of space...for now. Believe me, the last thing you need is to be the "shoulder she cries on" because she's not over her ex yet.

Well, actually...the LAST thing you need is for her to get back with her ex after you've invested time and emotion in her.

No kidding. Trying to get into a relationship with a woman who still has one foot in the last one is an exercise in utter futility.

Oh, and for what it's worth, if she's merely "separated" from her husband then that means there hasn't even officially been a breakup yet. Just sayin'.


2) History Of Abuse

I'm not going to attempt to get inside the mind of a woman who has experienced physical or sexual abuse in the past. There are far too many variables there.

But let's just say for the purposes at hand that if a woman verbalizes to you that she has trouble moving forward in male/female relationships because she has been traumatized in the past then you are NOT going to be able to simply "snap her out of it".

She's going to need real, professional help with that, and anyone with a romantic interest in her isn't in a position to give it to her.

Note that I am not talking about a relatively benign situation where she just had some I/J (idiot/jerk) do something dumb and temporarily shock her senses of what a real man should be like. You CAN indeed influence that, and you can start by boldly informing her that you are not that other guy.

Rather, I'm talking about a woman who is truly damaged emotionally here.


3) Impending Relocation

If she tells you she just accepted a job two thousand miles away and is therefore being extra careful not to get into a relationship, you might want to respect that.

Mind you, she has the right to go out and be social with MOTOS (members of the other sex) before she moves, but she also has the right to NOT fall in love with any of them if she can help it.

Decide for yourself if you're okay with that, and proceed accordingly. If said decision involves you dropping everything and following her to Seattle, I'd give that some serious thought before proceeding. Please trust me on that one.

Our next point follows logically from this one...


4) Distance

Okay, so what if she's already two thousand miles away?

Whether you want to face up to it or not, long-distance relationships SUCK. I wouldn't wish one on my worst enemy.

So sure, you might view things from an idealistic perspective and have let your emotions run amok. But meanwhile, she might exercise better judgment. If that's the case, the more you pressure her the worse your life is going to get.

It's far easier (and better) for both of you if you find someone else local who you can actually SEE sometimes.

Whether it pisses you off or not to hear me say this, I've been around the block by now and I can definitively state that belief in "one true soulmate" really is a hallmark of those without options.


5) Specific Demands On Her Time

If she's an accountant and the calendar says it's April 1st, she's just not going to have a lot of time for you over the next two weeks.

Similarly, if she's got a bar exam to pass, she'd be nothing short of irresponsible were she to blow off studying right now to be with you instead.

The bottom line is that if she's got a clear-cut, objective reason why she just doesn't have time for you (or a relationship in general) right now, there might just be something to it.


6) Her Moral Stance

For some people, the whole idea of "taking things slow" in a relationship specifically implies waiting quite a while to get frisky.

I can't count how many times I've seen or heard about someone who's trying to, say, "save themselves for marriage" getting romantically involved with a person who has no such moral constraint.

It's rather natural in those situations that the more sexually conservative person is going to start feeling some pressure from the other to "speed things up".

Truthfully, there are only two ways that can end: Resentment or guilt. Neither of those are good. Therefore, the only logical conclusion is that we're all FAR better off sticking to MOTOS who are on our wavelength about all of this from the very start.



I have shared six legitimate reasons a woman might cite for wanting to move forward carefully in a new relationship.

But as I mentioned, there are also at least seven more reasons a woman might give that really are nothing more than pure excuses.

At this point you may be asking, "What drives the difference between her giving a legitimate reason and a lame excuse?"

The answer is disarmingly simple. The former is based on real, pragmatic circumstance whereas the latter is based primarily, if not exclusively, on emotion.

The "law of the jungle" is as follows. If a woman finds you wildly--and even irrationally--irresistible, she'll move heaven and earth to be with you.

But if you haven't exactly rocked her world as such just yet? Well, that's when you may need to brace yourself for her pre-fabricated reasons for "moving slowly".

It is what it is. When you hear any of the following, it's time to turn up the masculinity as women define it and check any "Mr. Nice Guy" tendencies at the door.

If you really want a woman to crave you, there's no time for acting like a cheesy, pushy sales guy who doesn't believe in his product.

Here are seven such "lame excuses" to watch out for:


1) "I've Just Been Really Busy"

Contrast this vague generalization with a very specific reason for unavailability, like unto what I mentioned in Part One.

This really is the easiest excuse in the world for putting someone off, perhaps indefinitely. There's just no better way to throttle a relationship's forward movement than by controlling how much you see and/or interact with someone else.

Other iterations of this classic include, "It's just been really crazy the past few weeks", or "I've been slammed with other stuff".

All it really means is that you're not as high a priority as you would be if you drove her crazy with electro-magnetic attraction.


2) "I'm Not Sure What I Want"

Let me translate this for you: "You haven't particularly done anything that compels me to want YOU yet."

Women know exactly what they want, even if they don't realize it yet.

(Believe it or not, that actually makes sense...even if the logic involved would make Yogi Berra jealous.)

Put this premise to the test. Go ahead and be a "big four" man who is confident, masculine in the way women define it, makes her feel like you have her best interests at heart and shows some character.

Then, watch her mash the accelerator pedal on the relationship with such passion that it gives you whiplash.


3) Hand Picked "Differences"

Does she keep harping on one little (or even weird) difference between the two of you, citing it as a reason for holding back?

It doesn't really matter what it is, but unless it's a major cornerstone of relational compatibility (religion, desire to have kids, etc.) it's basically just a shield designed to fend off your advances...at least for now.


4) She's Waiting To See If Another Guy Asks Her Out

The most common iteration of this one involves a recent ex-boyfriend, but she could be talking about anyone really.

The question is whether or not you're going to put up with being her second choice, at best.

Now, if this is simply a "friends with benefits" thing between you and her while she's waiting for "Mr. Right" to come sweep her off her feet, then I'm not going there in this discussion.

But let's just say that I've seen guys plod forward with a certain woman in hopes of winning her over even when she's plainly stated that if so-and-so gets his act together and asks her out she's gonna bail.

That's pretty pathetic, isn't it? Make it a point in life never to be pathetic.


5) "I've Been Hurt In The Past"

Note the difference here between this excuse and what I explained yesterday about specific, identifiable long-term trauma caused by a truly abusive situation in her past.

What we're talking about in this case is a much more general, nebulous deal where she's decided to be, for example, "cautious".

Whatever the exact words she uses are, it's all euphemistic for, "I've still got you at the end of a very long leash". And it's going to stay that way for the foreseeable future, unless you create more powerful attraction in her towards you.

If you're feeling particularly bold, you can call her out. When she drops this one on you, go ahead and ask her whether or not she's really talking about the kind of thing we covered yesterday.

If she's not, she'll likely make that clear as a bell to you. After all, she may be indifferent towards you but that doesn't mean she wants to be viewed as "damaged goods".


6) "I Don't Want To Jeopardize Our Friendship"

Note that context is everything here.

If you're actually dating her, then this phrase means you're very much in limbo between "love interest" and the "Just Be Friends Zone". She just hasn't made a definitive motion one way or the other yet.

But if you're not dating her yet, then what you're hearing is simply an iteration of the all-too-common "JBF talk".

If she's got some semblance of hope for you attracting her sexually, it's time to stop being neuter and boldly demonstrate your masculine side. This shouldn't be that hard to do since you were born male. It'll be okay, I promise.


7) No Real Explanation

She can't quite put her finger on it. She just thinks the two of you ought to "take things slowly".

How frustrating is THAT one? The least she could do is get her act together and give you a honkin' reason WHY, right?

Well, here's the surprising truth. She may or may not be holding you at arm's length with the world's vaguest excuse attached because she wants to.

Rather, you may have actually led in this situation.

That's right. If you've been playing it uber-cool and trying to come off as "indifferent" like you learned at a pickup bootcamp, she's likely just responding to your leadership.

Think about it. Why would she risk the embarrassment of throwing herself at you and begging you to be her boyfriend when all objective evidence shows that you're not all that into her?

If you want to move things forward with a woman, it's YOU who needs to get the ball rolling first. Be the man.



So, have you figured out by now that it's always best to find a woman who is actually available and ready for a relationship, if that's what you want? Good.

And has it hit you upside the head like a 2x4 that the better you are at creating sexual polarity (and therefore attraction) the less likely you are to encounter resistance to moving a relationship forward? Even better.

The caveat here is definitely that if you get too good at driving women wild, then the pendulum is going to swing the other way. That is, you'll have virtually every woman you meet wanting to lock you down as their exclusive boyfriend almost immediately.

But that's a "high quality" problem for another day. Until then...

What do you think? Share your thoughts in the comments below!