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ID:	813More so than ever before, I'm convinced that thinking of women as "enigmatic" or "unfathomable" is precisely what's killing our chances for success with them the most.

Unfortunately, the issue is decidedly not gender-specific.

Women apparently have no idea what's going on inside our heads either. I'm pretty sure most of them have been taught that we're utterly impossible to comprehend.

But the truth is we really are more alike than different.

If we'd just see the forest for the trees, we'd become much better at relating to women...practically overnight.

For example, were I to hand you and some random woman a matching set of winning lotto tickets, you'd both probably feel the same emotions.

But if her dog and your dog both ran away (together?), the two of you would be bummed.

In terms of how we feel and even how we think, differences between us aren't really gender-specific.

Personality tests like the Myers-Briggs and so forth don't generally have pink and blue versions, do they?

Really, the only place where real differences arise is when we specifically deal with what's feminine vs. what's masculine.

Too bad that post-modern society is so busy trying to "blur the lines" in that area. That's led to the expectation that we as genderless (read: "neuter") creatures can still somehow sexually attract each other.

Welcome to why men have lost a sense of how sexually attractive masculine leadership is.

The irony? That's exactly what women tend to want--a man who takes the lead.

And what about women and their dating issues?

What if I told you that a massive percentage of e-mails we receive from the women on Emily's list talk about problems closely centered on a common thread of their own: They have trouble resisting a man's bad leadership.

So, to summarize, on one hand what we've got going on here is "failure to deploy" by many men out there.

They defer to women, supplicate to them and walk on eggshells lest they offend them by having any autonomous will of their own.

And in trying to "follow" women, they forfeit what is arguably their strongest means of creating magnetic attraction: masculine leadership.

Meanwhile, there are other guys out there who try to lead, but who end up taking their women on one wild goose chase after another.

The crazy part?

Like I alluded to, women still try to follow the man's lead even when it's ill-advised to do so.

In it's more innocuous form, we're talking two or three years of dating with nothing at all going on. Night after night spent in a "rut" of Netflix and chill.

Yet women stand by their man...wondering aloud why they're doing so.

But to demonstrate how deep this rabbit hole goes, I once went on a first date with a woman who used to "keep her [ex-]husband company" when he drove back and forth from Mexico to New York City trafficking guns and cocaine.

Why? Because he asked her to.

Gentlemen, regardless of what the media has led you to believe, I urge you to view leadership as mission-critical to successfully attracting women.

Importantly, that leadership must not only be bold and strong, it has to be in a woman's best interest.

Get that right and you'll solve both your biggest dating dilemma AND hers.

That's because as a man you really are the CHOOSER. When you CHASE, you disappoint.

The fact that plenty of women out there are even willing to follow blatantly BAD leadership should speak volumes.

I have a deeper theory as to why this trend is perpetuated, despite the predictably disastrous results.

I believe most of us as guys spend a lot of time in our own heads, trying to reach out to women in order to get our wants and needs met.

Isn't that what most "me first" dating advice is all about these days?

But it's the guy who does the exact opposite who compels women as a strong relationship manager.

He's the one who is reaching inside to make the changes necessary to deserve what he wants, even as he seeks to learn how to meet a woman's true needs by being the masculine, confident, confidence inspiring man of character that women truly crave.

Perhaps the ultimate irony of all is that not too long ago none of this was all that ironic. Men were men, and women were women.