Okay, I have to warn you straight-up that a decent number of you who read what I'm about to write today are going to furrow your eyebrows and say, "What? You've got to be kidding me. Really?"

But I'm dead serious and I'm not kidding. There are enough people out there who suffer from the problem at hand that it's time to cover it.

So hey...if it turns out this doesn't apply to you, so be it. It's all good and we'll pick up again tomorrow where we left off.

Onward.

What what to throw out on the table here is a truly bizarre way that people who have MAJOR self-confidence problems tend to view social situations with MOTOS (members of the other sex).

By now you've likely heard me talk about how certain guys allow one negative comment from a woman they've put on a pedestal to literally cripple their confidence for months, years, or even decades.

For example, let's say a guy is self-conscious about a certain limiting belief. He then talks to a woman who drops this on him, "Oh come on...don't you know that women HATE guys who are [insert limiting belief here]?"

The guy then takes that one woman's comment as if she's just spoken God's Truth on behalf of every single woman on Earth. Dejection ensues.

Any rational third party who's looking on would most certainly tell a guy who's thus affected to snap the hell out of it. But the self-talk of the self-conscious is often too strong for that to make any difference.

Well, I've identified an even MORE insidious patter that's along those same lines...but even more tragic.

Amazingly, if someone's self-confidence has REALLY been beaten down they can actually talk themselves into believing that even POSITIVE statements by others to them are actually nothing more than a forced "pleasantry".

Even worse, they may see it as thinly-veiled sarcasm--if not a "trap" designed to make it easy to ridicule them should they fall for it.

That's right. They start hearing POSITIVES as NEGATIVES.

This phenomenon is not gender-specific. Nevertheless, we'll look at it from the guy's perspective for the sake of convenience.

So for example, if a guy meets a woman she might smile and say, "Hi. Nice to meet you." If the guy is afflicted by the unfortunate problem I'm speaking of, he'll think to himself, "Yeah, right...she's probably laughing her ass off at me inside. She's just being nice. I bet she really can't wait until I leave so she doesn't have to talk to me anymore."

I know, I know. It's twisted, isn't it? In the true sense of the word, no less.

I've watched this happen before my very eyes. You can just see the file cards of "self-talk" being flipped through in the guy's mind, even as a pretty woman is being perfectly friendly to him.

A woman might even go so far as to say, "You have pretty eyes" to a guy, only for him to think, "Right. She's just reaching for whatever she can. She thinks the rest of me is disgusting."

As crazy as all of this sounds, I'm not saying for a second that the worst case scenario could NEVER happen.

I think we've all heard of those horrific "Heifer Night" deals where some smart ass fraternity holds an event and the point is to get the least attractive girl you can find to be your date. Then they get all the girls there and just humiliate them in public.

A LOT of innocent women have been pretty much scarred for life by that stuff.

But notwithstanding that, I will say that in the VAST MAJORITY of social situations you can and should take people at face value...even beautiful women who you've somehow talked yourself into believing are "out of your league".

If she says she's glad to meet you, you know what? My guess is she IS happy to meet you.

And if she says you have pretty eyes, I'm thinking it's probably because you have pretty eyes.

But the real question is can YOU take what she says at face value? Or are you going to continue allowing yourself to doubt yourself even when others are ACTIVELY trying to encourage you?

Next time, go ahead and take the risk of believing a woman MEANS what she's saying. Try simply saying, "thank you".

Remember, burning in silent rage because she's suddenly perceived as having ill intentions isn't the reasonable or productive way to handle things...nor is it the CORRECT one in the vast majority of cases.

For what it's worth, neither is saying, "Oh no I don't." if she compliments you or returning friendliness with self-protective sarcasm.

Have you ever had someone respond to YOU that way? It's kind of a bummer, isn't it?

Instead, try a simple "thank you" or mirroring her positive demeanor. That's the best way to get on the road to recovery from this hardcore confidence-killing problem.

My educated guess is that as you proactively take action in a more socially conventional way, you'll soon figure out that everything turns out FINE. Your worst fears were unfounded. Lo and behold, people usually do MEAN what they say when they're being friendly and/or complimentary.

And then, as if by magic, you'll see your confidence improve...organically, without having to "fake it 'til you make it" or anything like that.

What do you think? Share your thoughts in the comments below!