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It wasn't long before I was thinking some pretty terrifying thoughts. You know, the whole "rabbit hole" goes a LOT deeper than you might suspect.
First off, what's the root cause of chasing?
We chase because we just can't handle the thought of losing an opportunity with a woman. If we exacerbate matters by focusing totally on her, the "fear of loss" we feel means we push and push even in the face of longer and longer odds until the woman finally either flatly tells us to "go away or files a restraining order.
That's not good, obviously. But far too many guys really don't see any other option. They either CHASE or go home.
I get e-mails all the time from guys who vehemently try to convince me that it's virtually IMPOSSIBLE for any man to retain his power with women.
Hmmm...
So how in the world do we ever start believing that we've no choice but to surrender to women all the power to either "accept" or "reject" us rather than reserving our right to be choosers?
The thing is, I'm not sure we can so clearly see the DISadvantages of chasing.
Honestly, I think the truth about a man's ability to have power in the dating world is so blasted cloudy to so many dudes because chasing really isn't a standalone condition.
Rather, it's merely a symptom of a very, very bad habit developed over time: seeking approval
Simply put, men who DON'T desperately try to get others to approve of them are almost always choosers.
Meanwhile, almost all guys who ARE approval seekers are chasers.
Interestingly, all of us--if we're honest--deep down really WANT others to approve of us. Either that or we're antisocial.
And who tends to GET our approval in this life? People we respect and like. People we see as benevolent leaders. People who are making a positive impact on their world.
Who DOESN'T get our approval? People who bore or irritate us. People who are selfish and don't have the best interests of others in mind. People whose thoughts and ideas aren't deemed valuable.
So put two and two together and you can conclude that the amount that a person is starved for approval and therefore voraciously seeks it is inversely correlated to his level of personal power.
Chicks dig a man with personal power. Without it, he really can't present himself to be a leader, provider or protector.
So ironically, the MORE a man apparently needs a woman to approve of him, the LESS attractive she's going to find him.
If you've ever wondered exactly why chasing a woman almost never works no matter how hard one tries, there's your answer.
Who knows why so many guys try to defend the faulty premise that women have all the power? Even if they're proven right, it'll STILL get them absolutely NOWHERE with women. Go figure.
As tragic as this already sounds, it gets worse.
People who chase approval tend to be "yes men". Almost by definition, they say "yes" to every request made of them.
Part of effective leadership is knowing how and when to say "no", even when that means someone else doesn't get what he or she wants.
So then, "yes men" are more easily manipulated and respected less...even as they're TRYING to make everyone happy with them.
On the other hand, studies have proven that saying "no" often actually makes your occasional "yes" even more powerful.
Behavioral Psychology pioneer B.F. Skinner once famously trained a pigeon to peck over 1000 times between instances of actually getting a pellet of food for its labor. Amazingly, the more pecks it took to get a reward, the harder it was to get the pigeon to stop pecking.
Crazy huh? And while pigeons aren't people, the basic premise does indeed transfer to our behavior. The women who get inside our head the most and stay there most certainly are NOT rewarding our every peck with a pellet, are they?
So why, then, when the woman we've been chasing finally agrees to hang out with us do we drop EVERYTHING and meet with her on HER terms and on HER schedule?
How is it that whatever question she asks, we somehow feel compelled to give her an answer?
That doesn't demonstrate leadership, patience or any other sign of personal power.
It telegraphs starvation for approval because nobody ever offers any. So why should she be the exception?
There's no reason at all for any woman to respect you a man like that. He can't stand up TO her, therefore he can't stand up FOR her.
Can you see the forest for the trees once and for all? Can you see the true amount of collateral damage caused by chasing?
From now on deserve what you want. Count yourself worthy of approval and stop trying so hard to capture it. Stop being a "yes man" and start saying "no" more often. Stop chasing and start choosing instead.
What do you think? Share your thoughts in the comments below!