"When he flirts with danger, danger gets clingy."

--Most Interesting Man In The World commercial


The other day I was on a coaching call with a guy. As so often is the case, the concepts of neediness and desperation came up during the course of conversation.

You don't need me to remind you that these two issues are often seen together, kind of like mold and mildew.

And yes, millions of men worldwide watch their chances with women go up in smoke on a regular basis because of them.

But here's the simple point I want to get across today.

Have you ever stopped to consider that both neediness and desperation are nearly IMPOSSIBLE to fake?

Seriously...the only way you'll EVER look needy OR desperate in front of a woman (or anyone else, for that matter) is if you really ARE needy or desperate.

Think about it. What actually DRIVES neediness and desperation?

It's LACK of options and therefore FEAR of loss.

If you HAVE options and aren't really concerned about losing, then you'll NEVER come off as if you DON'T have options and that you're AFRAID everything is going to slip through your fingers.

In fact, you'd probably be up for an Academy Award if you could successfully fool ANYONE into thinking you ARE fearful and lack confidence when neither is the case.

Basically, desperate is as desperate does.

All of this is either good news or bad news, depending on your mindset.

For example, if you're afraid that you're going to blow your chances with a woman whose number you just got, you're probably going to e-mail me and ask me how many days you should wait before you call her.

If you in fact succeed at scheduling a date with her, you might wonder aloud if you should call her between now and when the date is scheduled...and if so, how many times.

Unfortunately, in either case you'll simply be making granular plans for when exactly you're going to come off as needy and desperate in the woman's eyes.

That's because the opposite (and darker) side of the coin is also very true. If you ARE needy and desperate, you really can't fake casual, confident optimism either.

In the end, this all really does boil down to OPTIMISM vs. PESSIMISM.

And yes, that hinges on CONFIDENCE or lack thereof.

I promise you I'm telling you the truth when I say that confident, optimistic men can call women WHENEVER they want, as SOON as they'd like to. And they'll NEVER look needy or desperate.

Sure, if they overdo it they may come off as high maintenance, and that could be an issue unto itself. But that's a topic for a different day.

So then, what's the common thread between virtually ALL guys who ruin their chances with women on a regular basis?

If you guessed that they believe UP FRONT that they're likely to mess things up before they even get started, you're absolutely correct.

Meanwhile, after 10 years of constant immersion in dating and relationship stuff, I'm STILL amazed how the SINGLE BIGGEST indicator of success with women is BOLD OPTIMISM.

Guys who BELIEVE women will like them end up being correct a staggeringly high percentage of the time.

Either way, you're a self-fulfilling prophecy. After all, women really do follow a man's lead.

And whether we choose to believe it or not, that positive, confident mindset really does make women HORNY.

Meanwhile, thinking and acting like Eeyore from Winnie The Pooh turns them off like stadium lights during the Super Bowl.

So what's it going to be?

I'm optimistically confident that you'll make the right choice...and it'll be because you can't help yourself.

What do you think? Share your thoughts in the comments below!