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There are guys out there who are continuously manufacturing "limiting beliefs" for themselves, even as they SAY they want to welcome fantastic, beautiful and sexy women into their lives.
But listen, I hear every day from guys who think their age, height, ethnicity or some other factor is holding them back.
And even though in 100% of the cases (yes...I said 100%) that sort of "limiting belief" can indeed be overcome with breathtaking effectiveness, I can understand why we as guys could easily get fixated on the self-perceived negatives.
If you feel like life has "dealt you a bad hand", it's hard enough to overcome it (even though you can, of course).
But the scenario that still shocks me after over ten years as a dating coach is when guys invent stuff to make sure success with women eludes them.
Worse, sometimes guys even choose to conclude that "limiting beliefs" are beyond their control, when oftentimes it's plain as day that they're completely within their sphere of personal influence.
Okay, enough theory. What am I talking about here?
Here are a few examples.
For starters, a guy may be living at home with his mom at age 40...lamenting the fact that he can't get a date because of it.
Or, a guy may have been laid off from his job, and is completely convinced that no woman will ever date him until he gets a job.
Or a certain guy may be 20 or 30 pounds overweight and assumes that's what is holding him back from meeting women.
Now, when "limiting beliefs" truly are beyond our control, I can understand why we as guys would feel like we're at a disadvantage when it comes to attracting women. (Never mind the truth that even those can be overcome.)
The three examples I've listed above are fully within our control.
If you're 40 years old and still living with your Mommy, you CAN move out.
If you've lost your job, you CAN get another one.
And if you've got some weight to lose, you CAN do it.
But to be completely realistic with you, even these self-imposed "limitations" aren't the obstacles to attracting women that we make them out to be.
Heck, you're talking to a guy who once told himself that until he lost 30 pounds, no woman would want him. After my divorce, I waited until I lost the weight before I started dating.
Sure enough, I started meeting some nice women. Then I ended up gaining much of the weight back for a while there and women liked me MORE.
Go figure.
And remember, you're also talking to a guy who lost his dream job around the same time his first marriage ended. But I still was able to get a date.
Women were perfectly understanding of the fact that there was a downturn in the IT world and that I was looking for a new job.
All I needed to be was confident that the new job would happen. And I had to actively LOOK for that job instead of watching Jerry Springer and collecting unemployment checks.
So yes. If you believe you're too fat, you really CAN lose the weight (even though it really doesn't matter as much as you think).
And if you're unemployed, you CAN find a job.
And if you live at home, you CAN move out. Admittedly, I haven't had to come to grips with this one personally, but I've sure worked with plenty of guys who finally left the nest after thinking it was too daunting a challenge at their advanced age.
But so many guys STILL DON'T.
In fact, they don't even really try.
What's up with that?
Well, I'll tell you.
No matter how much some of us SAY we want to be more successful with women, the TRUTH is that (drum roll...) we're much more comfortable with mediocrity.
That's right, I said it.
The status quo flat-out doesn't hurt enough to be worth changing.
For better or worse, in this culture (and if you can afford an Internet connection you qualify) living in mediocrity is FAR too comfortable.
We've got a roof over our heads, nobody's shooting at us, and we're not starving. So loading a new game on the X-box and diving into a new bag of Cheetos is like falling out of bed. And it feels sort of okay, if not flat-out good at times.
Meanwhile, any sort of change at all involves inherent discomfort, doesn't it?
Something's gotta give, and that involves moving away from the routine of "normal" life and facing the uncertainty of what the future holds.
That's not always such a fun thought, is it?
Then there's that one devastating factor that's so hard to ignore: You may TRY...but FAIL.
Ka-boom! And the emotions associated with that--especially as a man--are potentially too heavy to deal with.
So what do we do? We wake up today and do the same thing we did yesterday, that's what.
And we also continue to give lip service to the fact that it sucks that we can't find any great women to be with...but passively so.
Well, if you really want to end the cycle of failure with women and start meeting great ones for a change, you've got to do something.
It may have to be something radical, but probably not.
In fact, the steps necessary to bring about the change you say you want may not be nearly as scary as you think they are.
But you must move from top dead center. Otherwise, you'll keep doing what you've always done and you'll keep getting what you've always gotten.
All the while, women out there are craving a great man just like YOU.
I'm speaking the truth when I say that if you at least make an effort as a man with even a shred of confidence, you WILL be rewarded by women with their respect and even their affection.
But you've also GOT to make the decision to go for it.
Some of you have been writing me e-mails asking me for "quick fix" answers to complex questions. You say you want a life-changing silver bullet, but you don't want to invest any time, energy or even a few bucks to get the answers.
And no matter what I write in response to your e-mail--even though I typically expend more personal time and energy when I answer you than you did when you asked--you'll do nothing.
This article is for YOU if you're really, truly sick of not having the women in your life you want to deserve. And if you've been challenged and perhaps even motivated by what you've read so far I applaud you.
After all, remember this always: I was once in your shoes.
But fast-forward to today. Man, am I ever glad that back in 2002 I lost everything and hit rock bottom. Otherwise, I may have never been motivated to change.
Had I not been literally forced to do things differently, I may still be a "cubicle jockey" by day and in a miserable marriage.
But here it is: You do NOT have to lose everything in order to wake up to the fact that massive success could be right under your nose.
And I sincerely trust you won't wait until you lose everything to figure that all out.
But what IS it going to take? Was this urgent message I just delivered to you enough?
What do you think? Share your thoughts in the comments below!