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That's because you know exactly what I'm talking about, and you've probably been guilty of it at least once.
Just in case, for the rest of you out there who may not be quite sure what I'm up to here, "The Dialies" is a mental disorder that certain people--men and women--tend to suffer from.
Sometimes it's actually a chronic disease. Outbreaks tend to flare up late at night, and under the influence of alcohol.
Definitive diagnosis is simple. Those afflicted tend to pick up their phone and call (or text) the worst possible people at the worst possible time.
For example, a guy calls an ex-girlfriend from two years ago that he hasn't been in contact with since...at 2.05 in the morning. On a Wednesday.
Essentially, no thanks to a little "liquid courage", nobody whose number is stored in the phone of someone suffering from "The Dialies" is safe.
Invariably, calls made under such circumstances don't end well.
Embarrassment is a certainty, and the pressing need for a sober apology approximately eight hours later is a high probability.
So we can deduce with pretty much absolute certainty that "The Dialies" is a dreadful disease indeed.
What causes it?
Well, the consensus of "dating doctors" everywhere cites temporary insanity, typically triggered by a sudden realization that one is desperately lonely.
The lightning bolt strikes them at a moment of suds-drenched vulnerability, often right after a questionable night out on the town having attempted to meet women.
"The Dialies" can also strike right after a tough breakup. Or during a long "dry spell".
As noted, Ill-advised phone calls can go out to anyone.
There's the girl whose number you got two hours earlier who you told you'd call tomorrow. Well, that opportunity just got instantly vaporized in a drunken fog.
How about your best friend...who really isn't so thrilled to be let in on your lugubrious drama in the middle of the night?
It's not unheard of for people with "The Dialies" to even call their own parents. Geez.
Otherwise decent memories treasured by people from their past are dashed in a flash.
Current relationships with people they actually like are strained with awkwardness.
Let's face it: Nothing good happens when one succumbs to "The Dialies".
So if you happen to be infected, what does the cure consist of?
First of all, if you're inebriated force yourself to lay off the phone. Even if you need to call a taxi, have someone else do it for you.
Nothing good happens on the phone when you're drunk...and that goes double if it's also after 2am.
Second of all, ban yourself from your phone if ever you feel even a twinge of extreme loneliness.
That happens to the best of us at times, but believe me: If things didn't work out with a certain girl four years ago in college, they're certainly not going to go better now that you live three
hours apart.
And things are especially not going to go well if you're feeling particularly desperate in the moment.
Lookit. Far be it from me to throw stones here. If you've already suffered from "The Dialies" in the past, I can relate.
And hey...I distinctly remember at least one time I personally got "The Dialies" without even being drunk.
After I graduated from college back in the late '80s I moved to a city that was shockingly--and unexpectedly--devoid of interesting women.
Obviously, after enjoying the daily bonanza of hotties that is a college campus for four full years, the new reality hit me pretty hard.
At my lowest point, I actually picked up the blower and rung up a girl who I'd only been marginally interested in--at best--while at school.
She answered, and after her initial shock subsided, she lapsed into a reasonably promising conversation with me.
But within a few minutes the phone had been snatched away from her. There was hushed conversation in the background.
Then, another female voice got on the phone. "She doesn't want to talk to you. You shouldn't have called, and please don't again."
Ouch. But the other girl was 100% right in her assessment of things. Even in the moment I recognized the truth of that.
Before hanging up, however, I couldn't help but probe a bit.
"Why do you say that?"
"Because she's got a boyfriend, and they're probably going to get engaged within a week or two, that's why."
Geez. The saddest part? I distinctly remember thinking to myself, "Huh...well it seemed I actually had a shot before the other chick stepped in."
Talk about truly twisted, desperate logic, right?
Here's the bottom line, gentlemen. Use your phone only to make conversation with people who you're reasonably sure want to hear from you.
No doubt, it'll help your cause if they expect to hear from you as well.
Otherwise, you can expect that your "illness" will surely have a negative effect.
Leave your comments below and let me know what you think.