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"Ah, yes. Back in school there was a girl named Sally. She was the object of every schoolboy's fantasy, including mine. I dated her for a year and a half...without her even realizing it."
That's pretty funny stuff, thanks to a bit of comedic irony and a twist toward the unexpected.
But what's decidedly NOT funny is that some of us actually DO something very similar.
What?
That's right. Tons of guys all over the world find themselves so obsessed over ONE woman that they willingly forfeit any chance of meeting and dating someone else.
They spend so much time thinking and scheming about how to make her their girlfriend--regardless of what she thinks of the idea--that they overlook real possibilities with other women.
And sometimes that obsession is so strong that it drives fear of even approaching her...resulting in a situation that's EXACTLY like what the joke is poking fun at.
It's been called "one-itis" elsewhere.
And while I'm not quite ready to concede that we as guys aren't all that likely to get the woman we want the most, I do think it's high time to address the particularly dysfunctional ramifications of obsession over one woman.
After all, women are attracted to men who have ambition--men who have a clear purpose for their lives.
But when any woman BECOMES that "ambition" or "purpose", you can't expect her to get excited about it.
All of the sudden the weight of that is transferred back onto her, as if she's responsible for fulfilling YOUR "life purpose"...as if SHE'S got the masculine role of bringing it to fruition.
Imagine the similar effect of a black hole imploding upon itself and you get the idea of what results. What gets sucked away, ultimately, is her sexual attraction.
Notwithstanding that, if you're so crazy about a woman, you really have to DO SOMETHING about it.
Ask yourself this simple question: What will ultimately hurt more over the long-term, her potential "rejection" or the fact that you never had the guts to find out what would actually happen if you showed interest in her?
Now, as dire as the situations I've already presented sound, I actually think there's an even more subtle form of this whole "one-itis" bit that's particularly insidious.
Believe it or not, I've actually seen guys stay obsessed over one woman to the exclusion of all others when she's clearly UNAVAILABLE.
Heck, she may even KNOW about the dude's interest in her...but it's still never going to go ANYWHERE, either for circumstantial reasons or because she's flatly said so.
What in the world, right?
Actually, as cockamamie a scheme as it sounds, the problem creeps in via one of two seemingly "logical" routes.
First, it may sound reasonable in the guy's mind to avoid showing interest in other women (let alone dating them) in order to PROVE to the woman how "serious" he is about his devotion to her.
Or second, he may tell himself he's got to keep from getting caught up in a relationship with another woman so he can "be ready" when and if she's single again, etc.
When you see this brand of "twisted logic" written in black and white, you can readily see how silly it all sounds.
But this is what many of us as guys put ourselves through.
Why? Because we don't perceive ourselves as having OPTIONS. We don't see ourselves as having CONTROL over our dating lives.
It's got to be that ONE woman, or nobody.
A man who is a "chooser" rather than a "chaser" has power over who he is interested in and who he falls in love with.
Granted, he may find himself preferring one woman over others, or encounter a situation where his first choice among women is unavailable.
The thing is, however, that desire doesn't paralyze a "chooser". He recognizes that options must be either pursued if available to him, or let go if they're really not.
And if an option turns out to be a "non-option", then he moves on to spending his time in more productive ways.
Yes, "one-itis" can definitely present itself in manifold forms. But no matter what, a man with power over his dating life doesn't fall prey to obsession over a woman overpowering HIM.
Do you have any question? Leave your comment below and I will reply.