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I Know Why You're Still Single (6 Possible Reasons)
It's about time I addressed a pattern I've seen among guys who habitually struggle with women. And I have to warn you up front; this just might come off as "tough love" to you.
To set the stage, here's an example of the kind of e-mail I get so often I've lost track of how many I get during the course of a typical week:
"Hey Scot:
Look man, nice effort and all...but NONE of what you're telling me EVER works. I'm STILL having trouble finding a girlfriend.
Signed,
Dateless in Denver"
Curiously, as often as I get that kind of e-mail, I get about three or four times as many from guys telling me they've transformed their fortunes with women and/or have found their dream woman
...all based on what I and perhaps a few other dating advice types have shared with them. Go figure.
Now, if you've self-identified as hanging out in the camp where "nothing ever works", I want you to stop and think for a second. That last paragraph most likely caused a knee-jerk response in your mind in defense of your current position.
Nonetheless, having your best interests at heart I'm going to lay it on the line right here, right now.
Here it is: I know why you're still single.
That's right. Go ahead and get good and mad at me for the moment. That's actually good for you, considering what's coming next.
Seriously...boil it all down and you don't have a girlfriend yet for one of a half-dozen possible reasons:
1) Ignoring The Arrogance
Alright, before we dive into any of these "sticky wickets", know this: NONE are gender-specific.
Nevertheless, because this is an article that's primarily written to men, I'm going to address what I'm saying to men in particular.
Basically, the concept here is that of having a firmly held belief in one's own allegedly superior knowledge, complete with disdain for the "stupidity" of others who don't agree with one's position. Yet, what is believed so strongly with unwavering conviction is DEAD WRONG.
It's bass-ackwards, and very apparently so to most everyone else.
The only thing worse than someone who thinks he or she is right and everyone else is wrong is someone like that who's more often wrong than right.
If that describes you, don't expect anyone (other than me, of course) to ever tell you. They already know it won't be worth the effort, frustration and potential vitriol they'll get from you in return for bringing it to your attention.
Oh...and don't expect them to be wildly attracted to you either.
I once met a flight attendant for Southwest Airlines who had found herself out with a guy who steadfastly clung to his certainty that SWA flew Airbus A320s.
They don't, of course. It's all Boeing 737's all the time.
But even though she WORKED on the very aircraft type in question, he stuck to his guns.
A mere five minutes into the date, he and his "guns" were left alone together. She got up and left, and I don't blame her a bit.
2) Assuming The Exception
This one is really easy to describe.
What we're talking about here is holding a limiting belief with a DEATH GRIP.
So much so that even vis-à-vis overwhelming evidence that tons of people with the EXACT same "issue" are achieving WILD SUCCESS with women, you still believe your situation is "hopeless".
In other words, even if someone else JUST LIKE you can get women, YOU still won't. Success in any way, shape or form is something only other guys get to experience.
3) Embracing The Illness
This one is flat-out shocking, but I've come to the conclusion over the past year in particular that what I'm about to share with you is VERY REAL.
It would seem that some who are suffering from an illness--physical, mental, emotional or otherwise--actually have come to LIKE things as they are.
I've overheard my fair share of diabetics droning on and on about their diabetes, and seen people who could walk perfectly well if they cared enough to riding around on those "Rascal" scooters.
I'm not being insensitive here. I've got the hard evidence to back up what I've observed time and again.
It's as if the SICKNESS itself has become a rallying point of identity. It brings extra amounts of attention from other people, even as it serves as a way to "stand out from the crowd" in a way.
What I'll call "Dateless Disorder" is no different.
Think about it. I really do believe that if some people finally found a significant other for once that their entire self-image would be shaken...and the thought of that is just too much to take.
4) Excusing The Innovation
If one has always assumed something to be true, then it's understandably difficult--no, make that almost impossible--to accept anything counter-intuitive to that assumption.
I'll tell you, a LOT of dating advice out there really does prey upon guys who have so little experience with women that they legitimately have no idea just yet what could theoretically increase their real-world effectiveness with them.
So what do they do? They believe in what makes sense to them.
In other words, they continue to think like MEN, even when considering women.
They might also draw conclusions based on what they can physically SEE.
Or WORSE, they gravitate towards the solution that sounds EASIEST to implement.
My favorite example of how this whole line of thinking can burn you is the idea of getting women to "chase you first" and how wildly popular it is.
Undoubtedly, that concept represents a classic example of the ever-elusive "easy button" promise.
But if WE are too chicken to approach women, what's the logic in expecting them to have all the guts we lack? Isn't courage a masculine thing?
Moreover, a clear understanding of woman demonstrates that they LOVE a man who LEADS. Even if they DO "approach first", they have less respect for the man they've made the first move toward.
Another quick example is the one I've touched upon in just the past couple of weeks or so--believing that strippers and other women whose sexuality is "out there" publicly are the ONLY ones capable of being amazing in the bedroom.
Very, very often it's the new, fresh thought process requiring a total mind shift that really will break the old, tired habit of failing with women.
5) Blaming The "Badguy"
Oh man, what a KILLER this one is.
Essentially, what we're talking about here is blaming MOTOS (members of the other sex) for ALL of your dating woes.
If you've ever found yourself saying "all women are ______", then I'm about to mess your head up with some truth.
"All" women (like "all" men) aren't ANYTHING. Regardless, of gender, we're all unique individuals so there are no "constants" and infinite "variables".
If you've got a consistent pattern going where MOTOS aren't bringing you pleasure, it's time to look in the mirror. Sometimes it really is that simple.
6) Skimming The Headlines
As I often do, I've saved the craziest example for last.
Here's the deal. I really do think many, many guys out there would LOVE for all the dating advice they see out there to work. I think their hearts are in the right place, etc., etc.
It's just that they're either TOO LAZY or TOO CYNICAL to ever get to the meat and potatoes. They really only skim the menu instead--often with disastrous and contrary consequences.
As a case in point, you wouldn't believe what tends to happen any time I write an article with a potentially controversial question as the subject line.
Guys, you've just got to make sure that you REALLY get the big picture about what knowledge is truly out there for you before dismissing it at the wholesale level...and sometimes that takes some due diligence.
Okay, let's be honest. Way back at the beginning of this discussion, was that "knee-jerk" defensive reaction in your mind in line with one or more of the six concepts above?
If you can pick out which it was, you're already on your way to KILLING it...dead as a doornail.
If you train your mind to detect whenever you start to fall into the trap, you'll begin to stop what's holding you back from now on before it can really eat at you.
From there, you'll open the door wide to improving with women...and in dramatic fashion.