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You've probably heard of "one-itis". Not to be confused with the simple idea of pursuing an exclusive relationship, the concept at play there is really all about obsession with one particular woman.
Obsession, of course, is the state of having allowed something or someone to completely rule your thoughts, and probably your actions. It's as if your world begins to revolve around whatever or whoever that is.
You can probably see how that is almost never a good thing. Not only does it crush your overall productivity in most areas of your life, it really limits your ability to seek happiness in the many-faceted ways you would otherwise.
Addictions to drugs or alcohol can be (and usually are) obsessions. One can also be so obsessed with, say, rock climbing that he or she develops a "one track mind".
And, of course, we as guys are particularly susceptible to getting obsessed over one woman.
Often we get that way after we find a woman we're particularly excited about and find out the sex is really good.
Crazily, some guys allow themselves to get obsessed over a woman they've only admired from afar.
Either way, here's some "tough love" for you: If you're vulnerable to this sort of thing, it's in many ways a matter of immaturity (aka, not having enough wisdom yet to fully understand and therefore control your own behavior).
The good news there is that you really do have full control over your nature, should you decide you really want to. It's true.
And since obsession really only ever leads to bad things happening (e.g. women losing attraction for you, if not getting completely creeped out) it's high time for all of us to do something about this profound issue.
To that end, here are five basic ways you can man up, grow up and take the more evolved path to greater success with women.
1) Having Options
The first, and most basic, way to keep from letting one woman monopolize your energy is to, well, have more than one woman available to you.
You see, I've noticed that a major factor that leads to obsession with anyone (or anything, for that matter) is fear of loss.
Just like Snoop Dogg always has "his mind on his money and his money on his mind", the more you think about how crappy things would be if she wasn't in your life (or mess up the one big opportunity to bring her into it) the more you're going to fear the worst.
And that, my friend, is a snowball waiting to get on a roll.
Also, it's uncanny how when you think about one woman all the time you start over-analyzing everything. You start picking apart whatever she says or does looking for some "deeper" meaning.
Ultimately, when you combine fear of loss with "analysis paralysis" it has a syndromic psychological effect. What you end up with is a state of mind where you start taking every little thing personally.
Believe me when I tell you that all of this will make you nuts with a quickness, let alone less attractive.
Meanwhile, it's utterly amazing how simply dividing your attention between several women (even if they're "prospective" ones at this stage) helps you roll with the punches so much better in the dating world.
You simply don't have the time to over-analyze every separate woman's behavior in that case.
Similarly, because each situation is different you're less likely to let something one of those women says or does affect you so profoundly--you know, as if all women may think or be that way.
2) Tempering General Optimism With Realism
We put high value on being "positive and optimistic" in this culture, don't we? Ironically, as much as bad news sells on the evening news, it most certainly does not in social situations, right?
Well, having trained ourselves to "think the best of everyone", we immediately want to assume that pretty women are all terrific in every way, through and through.
Oddly, we let this notion take hold even as we have the tendency to think negative thoughts with regard to our fortunes with them, as I broke down for you in the previous section.
The best strategy here is to see the proverbial forest for the trees. Sure, it's nice to give people the benefit of the doubt, but you can't be naïve either.
If you can get into the habit of taking every introduction with every person you meet as a unique event that could have positive, indifferent or--yes--non-positive results, you'll immediately be a man who thinks clearly, makes better decisions and even garners more respect from your peers.
You'll also waste far less energy chasing unproductive relationships.
And yes, every bit of that goes double if you can hold your "wait and see" frame with beautiful women.
3) Not Idolizing Her
This one is similar to #2 above, but in a more specific rather than general sense. Even the crankiest, most cynical sumbitch you know could theoretically put a beautiful woman on a pedestal.
Listen, I don't believe in "love at first sight". I do, however, fully understand the existence of "hope at first site".
Indeed, you can't possibly love a woman the minute you lay eyes on her, but you can darn-skippy start laying a lot of idealistic expectations at her feet.
All of this, of course, can go on whether she realizes it or not.
This laser-targeted optimism tends to come complete with the requisite "halo effect".
A lot of guys are guilty of this. It happens when a woman is just SO hot and she just does it for them SO much that they pretty much refuse to acknowledge that she could be fatally flawed, fundamentally incompatible with them or anything else that's less than perfect.
Welcome to why hotties literally get treated like royalty in this culture. Those of us as guys who have a hard time controlling ourselves have pretty much insisted on it.
I exhort you to be different. Sit back and be patient. Require that a woman demonstrate more holistic overall worth to you before going "all in" on your investment.
Once you put this mindset into practice and see the direct results, you'll never go back. It will change your life into a far less obsessive (and stressful) one.
4) Changing A "Sex-Focused" Mindset
This one may come off a bit subjective or even esoteric, so hang with me here.
When a man is only interested in "getting some" from a woman, his animal instincts take over in lieu of logical reason.
So when a woman is viewed as pretty much a means to the end of sexual satisfaction, it's easy to let need reign supreme.
We therefore let that particular animal instinct run wild, which in turn opens the door to more of them getting loose.
"Obsession" would be one such animal instinct. A caveman who wants sex right now is going to get more and more frenzied over his lack thereof until the desire is satisfied.
Don't be a caveman. Develop the skill of being more disciplined than that.
Enjoy women for the wide variety of feminine gifts they bring, and watch yourself start looking deeper into a woman's soul before you get all excited about her boobies.
5) Staying Busy
Fair warning: On the surface you're going to think this one sucks, probably because it's part of the classic set of pointers give to people who've just been dumped by someone.
But don't kid yourself. Finding other stuff to do besides obsess over one woman and your situation with her really, truly works. In fact, it does wonders.
The key to making this advice not sound so harsh is simply to adopt it proactively rather than retroactively.
In other words, start getting involved with a variety of things (and yes, other women) now instead of allowing yourself to fall into an obsessive rut to begin with. That's definitely the way to go.
Here's a word of caution about the list I just shared with you.
You can't really expect any one element of the five I offered to cure you from the tendency to obsess over a certain women.
But if you work all five of them into your way of thinking and going about your business, I firmly believe you'll see a major transformation take place.
Remember, once you meet the right woman it's perfectly okay to spend a lot more emotional energy on her than ever before. That's a big part of what happiness in a relationship all about.
Just make sure that 1) she reciprocates, and 2) that you never, ever let yourself slip into a mode where she becomes your "life purpose".
That is to say, even then you can't develop a full-blown obsession with her.
You've got to keep giving her a reason to believe in your passion and ambition because she needs to see you as a potential provider and protector.
But if she's your main focus then all of the sudden she's going to feel like it's up to her to carry you...and that won't end well.
What do you think? Share your thoughts in the comments below!