Suffice it to say that the letter spoke of mutual attraction between the unmarried man who wrote me and the unmarried woman of his desire...and the unmarried woman's inexplicable decision to be with a married guy instead.

Obviously, if you can relate to that story in any way, shape or form then you have probably beaten your head up against the wall in frustration...to say the least.

But the thing is that this sort of thing goes on all the time. So there must be SOME reason why certain women are attracted to married men.

Here are five possibilities:


1) THE LIE

We'll start with the most obvious of the five. Sometimes a woman finds herself in a relationship with a guy who tells her he's single, when in reality he's married.

Maybe she's oblivious to the minivan he showed up to pick her up in, the series of dates that happen only at lunchtime and on Wednesday nights between 7 and 9, and/or the wedding band tan line.

Or maybe she just really, really likes him and is naively hoping for the best.

Or, um...maybe he simply told her that he's "legally separated". Yeah, that's it. Which leads us to the next one...


2) THE PROMISE

This one requires little explanation.

Basically, that bad old ex-wife has it coming to her, and the guy tells the girlfriend (aka "mistress") that he'll be "all hers" in just a little bit more time. She just needs to be patient and wait for that day to come.

Maybe the guy and his wife really are separated and going through divorce proceedings...or not.

And maybe the guy really will come through someday...or not.

No matter what the case may be, it all falls under this same classification.


3) THE THRILL

I think you can guess where this one is going, too.

Women LOVE romance novels, and one of the recurring themes is "forbidden fruit". Indeed, it's human nature to want what we cannot have, so for some women there's a certain thrill (as crazy as it sounds) associated with engaging in trysts with a married man.

A LOT of women, especially when they are young and immature, tend to live for the moment without regard for the future. And indulging in this kind of thrill seeking without regard for consequences is a prime example of how that can manifest itself.

Could this be a major reason why so many married guys find themselves with a younger woman on the side?


4) THE POWER TRIP

The first three examples I shared with you of why a woman would get involved with a married man might go on when she is decidedly NOT in control of her dating life, right?

Well now we've come to last two reasons why some women get involved with married men. And in both cases, I believe we're talking about women who are in total control of their dating lives.

One such scenario is that a single woman, unfettered in her own dating life, simply gets a feeling of power and/or superiority knowing that she can take a man AT WILL from another woman.

Perhaps it's that she feels sexually and socially powerful being able to tempt married men into weakness.

Maybe she likes achieving "one-upmanship" over other women in general.

Or, it could be that she deeply resents or dislikes a certain woman in particular, and targets that woman's husband.

No matter what the details are, sometimes it's all about the power trip.


5) THE CONTROL

This one follows right on the heels of the last, but with a subtle twist.

Beyond the feeling of power a woman gets WITHIN by being with a married man, there's also the undeniable power a single woman wields over the married guy himself.

Assuming the woman is single, once a married man enters into a sexual relationship with her she basically OWNS him...in just about every way possible.

This is especially true if she has no significant other in her life that would necessitate a "reciprocal agreement" with the guy she's cheating with.

Think about it. She has a VERY BIG secret to keep, doesn't she?

Most married guys who allow themselves to get into such a compromising position as this probably didn't think things through too well at the beginning. At least not with the right "head"... like we talked about a couple of weeks ago

After all, he's got to be willing to do just about ANYTHING to make sure she stays quiet and doesn't make a scene.

And she just might REQUIRE as much...which can become a very nice little arrangement for her.


In case it's not self-evident, any situation that involves a single woman and a married man who is in an "open relationship" of some sort with his wife renders the list above largely irrelevant.

For the purposes here, we're talking about guys who are interested in their wives not finding out about "the other woman".

But regarding the list itself, it's very true that some of what I just shared with you isn't gender-specific, is it? We as guys can find ourselves tempted to get with married women for the exact same reasons, can't we?

All I can say is DON'T DO IT.

Believe me, if an NFL quarterback and "local hero" like Steve McNair can get capped by his girlfriend (remember that a few years ago?), how much more likely are YOU to get capped by a deleriously jealous husband?

What do you think? Share your thoughts in the comments below!