One of the themes I am seeing time and again revolves around the whole concept of a woman announcing that she "has a boyfriend" when you meet her and ask for her phone number. And that's the one we're going to get to the bottom of today.

The focal point of the conversation might go something like this:


Guy: "What do you say we get to know each other better?"

Woman: "That sounds good, but I don't think that I can let ya."

Guy: "I don't know, tell me is it so...do you get a kick outta telling brothers 'no'?"

Woman: "No it's not that, see, you don't understand. How should I put it...I GOT a man."

Guy: "What's your man got to do with me?"

Woman: "I've GOT a man."

Guy: "I'm not trying to hear that, see?"


I'd have given you a buck if you could have told me it was "Positive K" who made those words (in)famous. And even though I can't believe those lyrics are twenty-four years old, the conversation
itself is a lot older than that.

Clearly, when you hear this sort of response from a woman you are facing a clear objection to your interest in her. But as we're about to find out, that can be for at least three reasons.

Once you have a handle on WHY women tell you they "have a boyfriend", you can calibrate to the situation more effectively on a case-by-case basis rather than being stopped dead in your tracks every time.

So let's go over those three reasons.


1) Maybe she DOES have a boyfriend


Whether Positive K is trying to hear it or not, sometimes the straight-up truth is that the woman really is in a committed relationship. Moreover, she's actually interested in remaining
faithful to the guy she's committed to.

Now, you'd think this would signal the end to a very short conversation on the matter.

But guess again.

Given the nature of how we operate around here, we get e-mails from both men and women. As we read through them, we tend to discover amazing patterns.

One of the more amazing ones is how we tend to get e-mails from guys who AREN'T able to date/get to know/hook up with women because they have boyfriends.

Yet, the women tend to write us because they ARE dating/getting to know/hooking up with a guy who's already "taken".

To quote an old Warner Brothers cartoon, "It just don't add up."

We have no idea why women in particular let themselves get emotionally tangled with some married guy to begin with. Then again, we have no idea why guys want to get into a mess like that
either.

Here's the deal. If you find out she's really got a boyfriend (let alone a husband), then trying to get her to compromise that relationship means you're asking her to compromise her character
and become a cheater.

And if she's a cheater, you want no part of her because she'll cheat on you just as easily when the next guy comes along.

Believe me. We tell women this story all the time. Yet, we keep getting e-mails...and hopeful ones. It's nuts.

So what if you're in a situation where a woman in your social circle has a boyfriend, but you're in a position to interact with her often?

The answer is to banter and be your devastatingly attractive self all the while, realizing that MOST boyfriends get broken up with. Were that not the case, we'd all be married by fifth grade or
something, right?

So don't actively push her to breakup with her boyfriend. This will just irritate her, and it comes off as completely self-serving. Neither trust nor comfort is achieved there.

I also don't advocate going under the radar in an attempt to subvert her relationship with her boyfriend either. You know what I mean.

For example, listening to her rants about her boyfriend and agreeing that she should be treated better, but that she should "give him a chance" or something because some guys need time to "mature" or whatever.

By keeping your masculine, confident presence up and not kissing up to her, you stay out of the Friend Zone which is exactly what keeps your equity up for the future when she breaks up.

And when she does, act FAST. Don't sweat her getting back together with the guy or becoming her rebound relationship.

Those are risks you have to take, but which also can be mitigated by knowing how to attract a woman.

Meanwhile, this could be the ultimate case of "you snooze, you lose". Mark this: You weren't the only guy on a "breakup watch" there.


2) Most socially connected, desirable women have "boyfriends"

If a woman is socially connected and considered attractive by a healthy percentage of guys, she'll almost always have a maxed out address book in her cell phone.

Let's face it, such a woman can call any number of guys...all of whom will be happy to be her "date" for the night, weekend, or however long she'd like.

Before we get carried away, let me remind you that YOU as a guy can have any number of women in your life also, provided you can escape the social pattern of thinking that dictates "men are the chasers and women are the choosers".

The simple fact is that more women have more options than most guys do. So when a woman flatly states she "has a boyfriend", she could be telling you that she has enough guys in her life for now, or so she feels.

She may be seeing a guy casually, or even gravitating towards one in particular.

But if she's not in a committed relationship, you do indeed have a chance. Again, you don't act needy or demand she get rid of every other guy friend she has to be with you. That lowers your stock in her mind.

What you do instead is ramp up your game a bit more than you would if she was in a committed relationship. By creating raw attraction as a confident, masculine man you become more and more irresistible to her and your stock builds.

But you still must be more patient than if she was purely "single and looking". Remember, when it comes to truly great women, you MUST deserve what you want as always.

You know, this reminds me of another point. Sometimes guys even make the mistake of simply seeing a woman with a guy and automatically assuming they'd hear the words "I have a boyfriend" from her were they to talk to her.

Bad assumption. I met a woman one time who was actually hanging out with her brother. You just never know.


3) It's a REALLY effective excuse

Here it is. Thanks to a realization that most women make very early in life, you're likely to hear "I have a boyfriend" sometimes even if she's 100% unattached.

What women "realize" here is very similar to what YOU have realized from a lifetime of going to the electronics store and/or dealing with telemarketers.

Whether you tell the store employee that "you're just looking", or tell the telemarketer that "you've got one of those already" you've long since figured out that something magical happens when you say stuff like that: People get off your back and go away.

And Positive K notwithstanding, almost 100% of all guys give up and go away as soon as a woman says she has a boyfriend.

It's like instant "guy repellent".

I've even known women who wear rings on their left ring finger just to ward off creepy guys. That's a fact.

So is it indeed that women get a kick outta telling brothers 'No'?

Not at all.

The deal is that sometimes women are caught off guard by men approaching them. Other times, they just aren't in the mood to deal with you. Everyone goes through days like that, right?

But the most likely issue is that you've failed to deploy.

Now, you can go the sneaky route and jump right back at her with something to the effect of, "Really? He must be a great guy. Tell me about him."

But don't expect her to drop her guard and say, "Ha...okay, you've got me. I don't really have a boyfriend. Here's my number."

That's just not likely.

In order to stop hearing "I have a boyfriend" MUCH less often than you do--meaning more in line with how often they REALLY DO have boyfriends--you've got to know how to build comfort and rapport with women as quickly as possible without causing them to feel like they have to "bail out" of the situation.

When a woman is attracted to you, and you've succeeded at inspiring confidence, then she won't have to reach for the easy excuse.

If you have questions or comment, let me know below.