Will She Call Me Or Should I Call Her?

[Terry]

On Sunday I called a woman I met on the train.

I was wanting to set something up, so I asked her if she was free on Tuesday night (I probably should have just asked her out on Tuesday night and gave her the first right of refusal) anyway she didn't know when she was free this week so she said she would call me.

She didn't seem like she didn't want to see me though.

Anyway she didn't call, so I called her yesterday after work, and she apologised for not calling, she was apparently very busy.

We had a nice conversation on the phone, but it came to the point where she said she couldn't go out this week cause her mum is going back to China (for how long I don't know) so her mum wants to be with her every night this week.

But she didn't know when she is free next week. She said, "So how should we do this?" in regards to who should call later on.

I told her that as soon as she finds out when she is free to give me a call.

Now I know I probably should have taken the lead and told her I would call on a certain day.

I feel as I have now given my power away on the phone...TWICE...

Is there any recovery from this?

If later on in the week I called her would it come off as needy as I told her to call me?

How would a great man act?

I was trying to use the frame of the chooser not the chaser, but it's really hard to have that mind shift. Any advise would be very much appreciated.

[Dennis]

Hello Terry,

First off, let me say this: you are doing MUCH better than you think.


Quote: "She said, 'So how should we do this?'"


That is a clear indicator of interest. When a woman shows eagerness towards making firm plans with you in any way, you can assume a strong likelihood that she is legitimately trying to make it work.

Contrary to some of the more "black and white" teaching approaches out there (which is admittedly what some newbies need), some women actually DO have commitments for the next week or so and/or REALLY CAN'T make either of your suggested times.

How you handled it was perfect.

You offered leadership by suggesting a couple of good times to meet.

When she couldn't make any of them and had no visibility, you demonstrated rather clearly that you aren't going to keep "chasing".

Simply put, you can't get inside a woman's head, flip a switch and make her decisions for her.

If she's not giving you anything to hold on to, telling her you aren't going to keep calling her and for her to call you back when she's got this figured out is fine.

One thing guys forget is that women royally screw up as much in the dating world as men do.

And make no mistake, I see behavior just like hers from women all the time.

Women will call Emily having habitually related to guys the way this one is relating to you--and wondering out loud why men "never call [them] back" and why they "talk to lots of men but never go out on any dates".

A big part of all this is allowing human margin for error in women versus taking things so personally (and so SERIOUSLY).

From there we not only give ourselves a much needed break, but we become MUCH better at measuring character in women.

See how that works?

[Terry]

Thank you Dennis for your advice.