How Often Should You Call Her?

[Paul]

I've been thinking about this question for a while now.

Most of the advice of all the dating gurus and even girls themselves tell you that "you shouldn't be calling a girl all the time". I tend to heed that advice and not call a girl very often, especially in the beginning of getting to know her.

It doesn't seem that hard for me to do because I usually don't feel the need to call a girl everyday. And I tend to be busy doing stuff during "prime calling hours", so I have to consciously make special time to be calling anybody during a weeknight.

If I didn't, girls would be getting calls at 11 at night, and I don't think they'd be happy with that.

However, it often seems as though the relationship with the girl just fizzles out over time.

So, as an experiment, the last girl I went out with I tried to call her a little more often than I felt comfortable with. I was surprised when the result was actually positive.

And on top of that, even though I was calling her more often than I felt comfortable with, she even told me that she wasn't sure if I liked her or not because I didn't call her very often.

After I started going back to my pattern of not calling her very often (and not calling her during the holidays), the relationship fizzled again.

However, I felt less and less like calling her since she would return my calls, but would never initiate a call tome. I used that to gauge how often she felt comfortable with me calling her, therefore the calls were made with less and less frequency.

After getting a phone number, I'll usually wait around 2 days to call her. After going on a date, I'll usually wait like 4-7 days to call or e-mail her again. Subsequent calls/emails are usually like a week or more apart.

I'm comparing this to other gurus' advice of 7-9 days between calls, and I feel I should be OK.

But I'm starting to think that maybe it's too long. Or maybe I'm not waiting the correct amount of time at the right stages of the relationship. Too short and she runs, too long and it fizzles.

My question is, can you give me some guideline with how often I should contact a girl (phone, email, txt), and how that time-period changes as I get to know her better?


Thanks!

[Elliot]

First of all, let's level-set the calling timeline thing in general. First, I don't agree with the "7-9 day" thing.

It's an overreaction, in my opinion...especially if you don't have needy, clingy tendencies.

And that goes for whether you've just gotten her number or you've already been seeing her for a while.

Let's face it. Most highly desirable women you happened to get a number from will have written you off as too indifferent (or even too scared) to call by then, if they remember you at all.

If you have already been on a date with a woman and would like to see her again, then 4-7 days is definitely too long to wait.

It's going to come off as "game playing" to women even if you aren't much into phone conversations.

As a rule, people just flat-out put a higher priority on conversing with people they actually are attracted to than that.

So then, how DO you figure out how much phone time to put in? Is there really even a specific formula for this?

The other day I was reading something from a "lady guru" when something caught my eye: "If we like a guy, we're perfectly happy to hear from him six or eight times a day. If we don't, then if he calls us even once a week we're creeped out."

Wow, huh? It's really all about how much attraction you've created when you were standing right there in front of her...even before the telephone calls even get rolling.

So here it is. When you know she is interested in you, then you've got to give her a break and call her sometimes. Otherwise, your perception is dead-accurate: She'll think you don't like her.

Imagine if the tables were turned. If she appeared decidedly cavalier about talking to you, wouldn't you begin to think she was somewhat disinterested? Men and women are really no different in this area.

Some mainstream men's dating advice talks a lot about guys calling too much and being "clingy" because, truthfully, that's the best "one size fits all" advice for most of the guys out there starting from square one.

But if you truly have that part of things handled and have overcome all symptoms of "neediness", then the right thing is to do your part to let the woman know you at least like her back.

My thought in this case (and again, the caveat is that you have no issues of neediness or insecurity) is that if you FEEL like it's starting to have been a bit long since you've talked to her, you're probably right.

It's time to call. Put it off longer and you risk disillusioning her.

Considering how many guys hammer women pretty hard with phone calls/texts/etc. you can easily figure why things fizzle for you when you don't call them. They're human beings with feelings and thought processes just like yours and they simply mark you down as "uninterested".

Worse, that's when they'll turn their attention to the other guy out there who gets all of this right without overdoing it.

By the way, if you aren't much into the phone, you're not alone.

Plenty of guys share your sentiments there. In that case though, it's all the more important to make doubly sure to inform women about that up front and make sure she knows that you aren't kidding.

"Set the expectation" as they say in the sales world.

[Dennis]

If you have ever gotten a number from a girl, the first thing you probably started worrying about was when to call or text her. In this article I want to focus on the calling part of your phone game and discuss ways you can start improving it dramatically. Having the ability to talk to girls over the phone successfully will increase the amount of dates you get significantly. So here are my tips on when to call a girl and the best way to do it.

1. Why Calling Is Better:

A lot of guys ask why would you call a girl if you have the option to text her. Also when you text a girl you don't have to deal with her being busy and you can think of what to say to her. That is true, but nothing conveys your personality, funniness and emotional presence more than talking to somebody on the phone. Let's be honest, girls give out their numbers many times so she might not even know who you are when you send her a text. So why don't you just go ahead and press the call button and actually see what an amazing difference it makes.

2. When Should You Call?:

So for the actual time for when to call a girl you should aim for about the beginning of the evening, so around 6 o'clock. This is because usually people have just wrapped up what they've done during the day and are relaxing before they do anything at night. Also, you should make sure that you call her the next day you get the number by the latest. This is because she will slowly start to forget about you if you wait any longer and she might not be as interested in you. Finally, if you call her once and she doesn't pick up, then give her another call an hour or so later maximum, after that you should switch to text.

3. What To Say To Her:

First off relieve yourself of any situation where you are doing nothing but calling her in an empty room. This will make you more nervous before the conversation even starts. Call her as you do what you normally would be doing during a normal phone conversation with anybody else and this way you could be more yourself. Always remember to make statements of value and not only to ask her questions. Only asking question portrays taking value and the girl you're talking to will surely lose her interest soon enough.

[Jerome]

If you're like me, and you absolutely despise speaking on the phone, here are a few helpful tips to qwell those last few nerve endings that are springing for the negative before making an important phone call:

1) Get drunk. Just kidding, c'mon now. Alright here it is: Right before calling your new girl, call someone that looks up to you. Better yet, call a girl that's already attracted to you and "warm up" your voice. Before you hang up the phone with your "practice girl," make sure you feel like you're really relaxed and natural in the conversation. You want to feel like yourself, and everything should flow without effort. This will bring your voice and your mind into the perfect place for your upcoming phone call.

2) Play one of your favorite songs and sing along. It sounds lame, but it works. Scream at the top of your lungs like you're James Hetfield himself. Yelling like this drops your voice into the perfect pitch. The Alpha male is usually the loudest guy in the group, and his voice projects because there's no self monitoring of his vocal levels. You don't want to blow her ear off, but it's essential to have your voice project while speaking to women (in any situation).

3) Yawn with your mouth closed. This is done exactly how it sounds. Just stretch open your throat as wide as you can, and it will drop your voice down a few octaves. You can do this technique wherever you are, whether at home before you call a girl, or even in a club. If you want to improve your voice more permanently, you can do this several times a day. It does wonders for generating attraction from women.

4) Once you feel like your voice is ready, just hit the dial button and go for it. It's best to call right after you've done all of your warm up exercises. I like to call a new girl immediately after I've been speaking to a girl that already likes me, and I'm in the "flow"- When my thoughts are really flowing and I'm bantering like a champ. The difference between calling a girl in the flow and calling a girl cold is night and day.

5) When the phone is ringing take a few deep breathes. Make sure to do this away from the receiver, we don't want her to think she's being called by a serial killer. When she does pick up, be calm. It's good to use an opening line on her like you did when first opening her in person. Many guys spazz out when she first picks up the phone because the anticipation during the ringing period is almost too much to bear. But now is not the time to come unhinged. Just be calm, and pretend you're speaking to a 10 year old girl. Better yet, pretend she's already in love with you and she's privileged to be speaking to you, not the other way around.