Boyfriend's Porn

[AnxiousBunny]

My boyfriend and I have been together for over two years. I was okay with him watching porn at first... Until I realized how often it was and that it was happening for hours while I was at home. That hurt. That destroyed me. It now destroys me that he still watches it, but hides it. I'm hoping it's mostly when I'm not home but then what? Does he just wait till I leave to 'get away with it' then act like I'm so perfect and the only one for him once I arrive back home? Meanwhile.. His hands he's touching me with and the eyes he's looking at me with have not belonged to me... They are tainted and nasty with traces of the women who were better than me.. It's tainted.. It's all tainted. 98% of our fights are based on my self esteem from his porn.

He denies, denies, denies.. I'm not stupid. I have even offered to watch it together.

The thing that hurts the most is him hiding it from me.. Even when he's caught.. The lies. What else will he lie about? Example: Future bachelor parties.. Am I to actually believe there were no lap dances? Yeah right.

I love him so much, I don't want to break it off. It is pathetic and sad, but it makes me want to put an loaded gun in my mouth and end it all. I hurt all the time. I cry all the time. I used to be a beautiful, happy, confident woman and now I am just a piece of sh** anxious, needy girlfriend. He deserves someone he can be honest with about this stuff.

It sounds outrageous and that's why I'm venting here and not 'crying for help' to someone I know...I really don't want to live anymore. I can't live like this. My heart is broken and I can't live without him. I'm in limbo. I'm a wreck.

For God's sake, I used to watch porn all the time.... I just can't take him hiding it and lying.... That changes that whole thing. It doesn't make it a "man innocently exploring porn"... It makes it "dishonest and cheating".

He doesn't get that and he clearly doesn't care enough about how much it hurts me. If he did, he would really not look at it any longer or at least be honest with me about it or try to help me become comfortable with it. I've caught him red handed and he will STILL lie to my face and swear on anyones life.

I know 99,9% of men watch it.... how do other women handle it? Why can't I handle it?

I hate myself. I don't want to be here anymore. I want to die and I want him to live on being happy. WTF has happened to me? What is wrong with me now????

How do I get over this? How?

[Scot]

Porn is a fantasy. Porn actors frequently change their appearance and physical attributes to look much more idealized than the average person on the street. Male performers build their bodies to look muscular, sculpted. Female performers work out for the same reason. And then there's makeup -- these women very rarely look like goddesses without 2 hours of makeup and hair before every photo shoot.

If you have a problem with your partner watching porn, then I suggest you consider talking to a counselor.

Or, better yet, ensure that your partner gets more excited thinking of YOU.

[Shirley]

Why does it bother you so much that he watches porn if you are both content with the relationship and it isn't causing any problems? My ex-bf told me openly at the beginning of the relationship that he watched porn and didn't seem like he was going to change. Although I felt uneasy about it, I realised it didn't affect our relationship in any way really and that he got something different out of it than being with me. I did a lot of reading about the subject and other people too

[Mabel]

Try sharing the shower. men love porn its in their genes its nothing to worry about.

I used to worry about my guy watching porn. i used to think he was watching them because i wasnt good enough or because i couldn't satisfy him.

its not the case tho men need to "clear the pipes" often. and i see that as the reason they watch porn. You should just get more involved.

I'm sure he would much rather do the real thing rather than watch other people at it.

[Anthonia]

I see things differently than everyone else here . I don't like that and I don't feel like he should be watching it if he really loves you . To loves you means to love you completely and everything else about you so much that he doesnt need satisfaction from someone else (even if it's just watching them on a screen). If he won't stop doing it for you then that's a bad sign. Maybe he won't stop right away but if he agrees to try to cut down on it and work with you because he knows it makes you feel uncomfortable then stick with him and work it out but something has to give. You don't have to settle for less just because you want to be with him. It's amazing how much better guys you can find when you just let go of the ones who don't quite satisfy you . People usually are scared to let go cause they think they won't find better. Don't let that be your reason. I'm not saying give up but just don't feel like you have to stay somewhere because you think no one is perfect and everyone has their flaws. There's a difference between imperfection and respect. If you feel disrespected in any way or hurt, something needs to change. Whether it be from his end or yours. Whatever you decide please just make sure you're happy. Could you live with this for the rest of your life? Hypothetically speaking, because he can change. It's just a matter of if he wants to or not.