How Do I Know That She Is The One?

[Drake]

I have a question.

I am in a great relationship and I care for this woman very much.
In fact, I love her and she is definitely in love with me.

But how do I know that she is the one? If I end this relationship
with her, it will break her heart and that absolutely kills me.

Do I give myself more time or am I just ignoring the inevitable?

We have been dating for about 2 months and communicating for 4
months.


Thanks for the help.

[Anthonia]

Hello Drake,

First of all, by talking about ending the relationship, I hope you are not falling into the trap of believing that if you actually find a great woman you can theoretically spend a lifetime with, and she feels the same way about you, that you need to BREAK UP with her.

Some guys have been taught that it's somehow "giving your power away" or something to find the ultimate woman and be happy with her.

We covered that in a previous newsletter, and I don't understand this way of thinking. At all.

In reality, it's all about having complete, 100% control over your wildly successful dating life. If you are making YOUR OWN decisions from a position of strength rather than capitulation, then you are NEVER giving your power away.

So if you have chosen the greatest woman from many options, and a long-term stable life with her is what you truly want, then so be it.

Having gotten that off my chest, and assuming all is in order in your life, I can actually give you objective answers to what you are asking about.

Here are three major points to consider:


1) TWO MONTHS ISN'T NEARLY LONG ENOUGH

You'll need more time than that to know this has lasting commitment potential. I don't care if you two are joined at the hip these days.

Emily and I were together constantly almost from minute one and we waited nine months to get married. I waited seven to propose.

You've simply got to let the 'warm fuzzies' calibrate themselves over some measure of time. There's no way to gain any visibility into what the future holds otherwise.


2) MAKE A SPREADSHEET

List the ten most important factors you want in a woman. I don't care what they are, it's your decision alone.

Rank her for each factor 1-10. The closer she is to a "100", the better she is for you.

Bear in mind that since you are doing this exercise after the fact, your perceptions will be a bit biased. Ideally, this list is best formulated before meeting the highest quality women you are eventually capable of attracting.

By the way, if this sounds rather objective or even "mechanical", that's by design.

If you are a natural "right brainer", as I am, you have a tendency to get wrapped up in the euphoria of a particularly promising relationship and make seat of the pants decisions. This helps you ground the circuit, so to speak.

Now, if on the other hand your mind is more analytical to begin with, you may in fact suppose you'd be subjecting yourself to "analysis paralysis" with an exercise like this.

Ironically enough, however, if you stick to the design I'm proposing here you may actually be able to FOCUS your analysis rather than letting it spiral into an unchecked vortex of questions without answers.

But perhaps the most effective way to definitively sort things out is what follows...


3) PLAN A ROAD TRIP OF AT LEAST FOUR DAYS

Here's the clincher. Schedule the time off work and preferably fly somewhere and rent a car.

Build an itinerary for the trip that involves MASSIVE windshield time--just you and her together in the car.

For hours... And hours...

Make sure there are also some truly cool places to see along the way. You are testing to see if you get on each other's nerves under those circumstances. You are also testing to see if you can truly enjoy "big moments" together fully and with synergy.

I took Emily around Arizona when we had known each other for two months, putting 1400 miles in and seeing Sedona, the Grand Canyon and Monument Valley. It went well.

But just for good measure, I planned YET ANOTHER trip. We hit California four months later and went from LA through the wine country up to the Bay Area and back to LA. That trip went equally well.

The following month I proposed.

I truly believe this strategy is a powerful one, very much portending what live together would be like through periods of boredom, frustration, excitement, bliss and everything in between.


I'm assuming that you had the opportunity to date numerous women before meeting this one to gain full understanding of what you truly appreciate in a woman rather leaving it to pure speculation.

Without that visibility, you're really only guessing no matter what, while hoping for the best.

Do some guys meet the greatest woman of all time early in the process?

Sure, but as I said, it's never as proven a scenario as when a guy has dated plenty of women and raised the proverbial bar as high as it will go before selecting the right one from many amazing options (which, incidentally, transforms that 100-point spreadsheet into an indispensable tool).

[Drake]

Anthonia, thanks for the advice!

[AnthonySmith]

Great advice Anthonia!