When Is It The Right Time To Sleep With A Man?

[Stella]

When should I SLEEP with a guy a like? Will he think I'm a $#@$ if I do it on the first date? Will he lose interest if I make him wait? When I was 20 this all made sense but now that I'm older and am back in the dating world I need help!

[Nicolas]

May I say also the thousands of other women asking this same question... which is a really Great question!

And here is my answer which is going to stun you...

It depends.

I bet you wanted something simple like "on the third date"... I have to say nope and it depends... now let me go through the reasons of why it depends.

First... it depends on the man and his attitudes towards women and sexing.

Second... it depends on what you want from the man like a fling... boyfriend... husband and wedding?

Third... it depends on why you want to sleep with him in the first place.

Let me explain what I am saying and break this down a little bit in reverse order...


1... WHY Do You Want To Sleep With Him?

I mention this a lot and it is really important for you to understand that sexing simply does not carry the same emotional weight or importance for men as it does for most women... sure we obsess about sexing pretty much constantly and put every woman we see through imaginary carnal contortions and are basically ruled by our testosterone... we want sex a lot and frankly we want it with a lot of women... though we can also learn to be happy in a monogamous relationship with the right woman.

Yet just because sexing is a huge motivator for a man and even a great point of leverage if you want to manipulate a man does not mean it actually means that much to him once it is said and done and to be blunt...

Sexing is more important to a man before he has it than it is after he has it and that first time with a woman is always going to have way more power with a man than any other time you make love.

Let us list out a few cool reasons and a few really uncool reasons to have sexing with a man you recently started courting...

Cool Reasons...

1... Because you sincerely like the man and have got to know him well enough to trust him and think it is time to add a physical element to your relationship that you will both enjoy.

2... Because after everything that happened with your ex... it has been years since you were made love to properly and you really just need a man to treat you like a woman.

3... Because... well you are in the mood and he smells AMAZING.

Nothing wrong with that at all as long as you know that is why you are doing it.


Uncool Reasons...


1... Because he is leaning on you and pressuring you to do it even though you are not ready and if he is... let him leave.


2... Because you think having sexing with him will make him "Like you more" or will make him "Fall in love with you."

Sorry it just does not work that way... it is a awful trick of biology because for women sexing creates feelings of love and closeness... for men sexing reinforces feelings we already have around a woman and does not create any new feelings at all.

That is a fancy way of saying...

"Sleeping with him will not make him like you more."

It is also worth noting here that for most men that there is no implied commitment after you sleep together... unless you both already agreed that you are a "couple" and are "monogamous" he is probably not going to make that jump himself and then you will be SHOCKED and ANGRY later when you found out he slept with someone else.


2... What Do YOU Want From The Man?

Is this man just a fling for you with no serious long term potential or is he somebody who makes your stomach do back flips and has you daydreaming about weddings and minivans?

Not all men are created equal and you have got to be honest with yourself about a mans "potential" before jumping into bed with him.

And finally...


3... Who Is The Man?

Even though all men are powerfully driven by sexing... we also have very different levels of "culturalization" around the topic.

It is a generalization yet often the more "conservative"or religious a man is the more"baggage" he is going to have around the sex topic and the more serious it is going to be to him and sometimes REALLY conservative men can actually turn of a woman who has sexing with them because it is lame sexing.


Now let us boil all this down and answer your question as bluntly as I can...


1... If it is a man you like and you think there is potential for something great there... wait a little while.

Not months and months or anything like that and wait until you have shared time together and have got to know each other and he feels like he is had to do a little work to do to win the prize even if you have been desperate to let him.


2... If it is a man you do not see long term potential with... it is up to you and you have to be careful with your heart.

As I said in the beginning... it depends and this should give you a good start to at least think from.

Because really no matter what I say... it will be what you think and feel is right for you.

[David]

Are you comfortable knowing when to have sex with a new guy? Should you sleep with him yet? Does delaying sex really increase your chances of landing a man? Here are a few things you should think about before you have sex with a new guy.

If you are attracted enough to sleep with someone before you are sure if you want to be together, then go ahead. If this is the case, though, make sure that you're not hoping to use sex to make him fall for you. You know yourself best.

If you know that you feel closely connected after you have sex with someone, it is probably best to wait. You can't assume that the guy you're seeing feels the same way. So protect yourself from getting hurt.

Another reason to delay sex with a new guy is that you want to weed out guys who aren't really interested in you. This does not guarantee that a guy won't just be interested in the challenge of getting you into bed. Rarely, a guy will hang in there even when you wait, and then lose interest.

However, waiting will at least get rid of the guys who are just looking for the path of least resistance. You don't need to jump in bed with a guy to keep his interest. If you feel you need to do this, then he's probably not worth hanging on to.

Before you do decide to sleep with him, make sure that you are comfortable enough to talk about two subjects with him: your expectations from your relationship, and safe sex. If you don't feel like you can discuss these things with him, then you shouldn't be sleeping with him.

You will need to be able to feel that you can trust a man before you sleep with him. No matter what you are looking for when you have sex with a new guy, make sure that you won't end up regretting it.

[Stella]

Thank you all for your advice.