Have I Ruined Any Chance I Might Have Had To Woo Him?

[Victoria]

I recently met a guy at my best friend's wedding. He was the photographer and I immediately noticed him. He approached me and we talked a little bit.

At the reception later that night, in between taking pictures, he would come sit next to me at our table where we would continue to talk.

Before I left he pulled out my phone and put his number in it. I insisted that he have mine in his phone also because I would rather he called me.

Later that night I called to thank him for his company (stupid choice 1). The next night he called to ask how the second reception had gone that he couldn't attend and we talked a little bit. A few nights later I called to ask the name of a book that he recommended I read. I told him I had 'forgotten' the name....(stupid choice 2) how sly I thought I was.

It's only been a few days, but I can't help thinking I've ruined it. He lives nearly three hours away, so I don't know when we will see each other next, if at all.

I know I shouldn't have ever called. Have I ruined any chance I might have had to woo him?

I promised myself I wouldn't call anymore, and I won't... so now where does that leave me?

Is there anything I can do?"

[Clinton]

First... please no more calling anything you do "stupid."

We all make mistakes... and sometimes it is our mistakes... catching them and figuring out how to not make them again... that can HELP us more than anything else.

It is the going through the process of "trial and error"... that has gained me the "experience" and "awareness" of where I am today... so a little "trial and error" will help you too... and guide you to stop repeating the same "mistakes"... so you will "know how avoid these mistakes" in future dealings with a man... and most "important" of all... build your own Personal Confidence and Esteem!

So what has really happened here?

Now let us see what is going on with you...

Yes... "Victoria" leaned forward and chased this man by calling first... and quickly... and then... yes... she called again.

Now what do you think is the "mistake" that is really causing all the "problems" for Victoria?

It is not just what she is doing... calling... it is her "attitude" inside... her "mindset!"

And that attitude is...

"This guy talked to me at a party... he obviously liked me because he put his number in my phone... and now I am ALL HUNG UP ON HIM."

And yes... the metaphor is intentional... "hanging on the telephone."

Men do all kinds of things... they act like they are in love with you... and then forget about you... they say things to you and then they change their minds... they are motivated to reach out to you for ALL KINDS of reasons... just like women do... is that not right?

Raised eyebrow here and "knowing look"... all you "getting" me Victoria?

It is easy to look at Victoria issue and say...

"I bet the moment he realized she lived 3 hours away... he lost interest."

And yet... I have a past client who married a man that when they met... lived 5 hours away... she had an "engagement ring" within 2 months... moved to his city in 6 months and was married in less than a year.

So how do I know?

Here is where NOT calling... at least not so fast... comes in handy... if you do not call... you get to find out "how excited" he is about you... you get to see if he is "excited enough" to at least... call you.

If he is not excited enough to call... the rest of the trip to the wedding is going to be much more torturous... even if you could manage to create it... even if he lost your number... he WILL track you down if he is "excited"... about you.

Three hours away would seem like nothing to him... in my experience... a man KNOWS when he has found a woman he is "excited" about... do not forget I am ONE... a MAN!

He may not KNOW he knows at first... yet he knows instinctively... and most often... he DOES know from the beginning... he even tells his friends...

"I met this woman..."

If that is not happening for him... what usually goes on is he either stops it at the beginning and never follows up.. or he will "meet up" with you and tries to turn you into his ONE.

In other words... he may like you so much... and like having sex with you so much... and admire you... and like having you around so much that he TRIES to fall "in love" with you.. and WANTS to fall for you... and does not... it is as though you expect.. if all the puzzle pieces are there... and you have spent enough time together, that a man will FALL... as though it is a given that "liking" leads to "love."

And that is not how it works... if you are honest with yourselves... it does not work that way for women... either... you can not talk yourself into being "in love" just because you "think" you want to be in "love."

And NO man can fall in love with a woman who is pushing herself on him... "chasing him" trying to be clever and act like she does not care... when in fact she does care a lot!

So it was not even Victoria calling the photographer that destroyed any chance there was for a relationship to happen... it was her attitude that he was so IMPORTANT!

He was so important that she could not wait to see what HE would do... instead... she should have continued flirting with every man everywhere... "courting" up a storm... and FORGETTING about him... or any man who does not call... so if you are finding yourself thinking about a man... especially one you have just met or been out with only a few times... rethink this.

Step back... and ask yourself...

"Why am I doing this... making him so important... why am I assuming he needs some help... that he needs me to call him... even though he has my number?"

If you can learn to let men run through your life... without landing on one or letting one get under your skin... everything will change for you!

All of a sudden men will not be so important... and as great as that will be for your insides... you will feel "steadier" and more "personally confident"... it will have an incredible affect on the men you meet or the man you already have.

Instead of playing the "I am hard to get" game... and bouncing back and forth in your mind trying to figure out what to do... call or do not call... do this or do not do that... you will be free to flirt with all men... spend your time and energy in a way that feels good to YOU... and you will actually... authentically BE hard to get... and every man who gets anywhere near you will be able to pick up on that.

Your "vibe" will change dramatically... from the inside out.

A man will sense that he has to work hard to be with you... and most men LOVE to work hard and WIN a woman... a woman with a Personal Confidence and Esteem... does not NEED a man... you like a man... yet you do not need him... and you will not chase him either... if he is interested... he is going to have to call you... because you do not NEED to make him important... you will be as far from "needy" as a woman can get... and Personal Confidence will just "radiate" out of you... so if you do not want to make the same "mistake" for next time... yes... like DO NOT call... it will help you get so much better results... do not worry so much about what you do and say.

Instead... vow to make sure he is just not that IMPORTANT to you... you will see... it will go better next time.

So... if you feel compelled to call a man when he has not given you the time of day... STOP.

Re read my reply to you... take my advice to heart... and tell yourself that you will NOT chase after a man.

It does not do you any good... and it does not "make" him come around to wanting to be in a "relationship" with you.

[Judith]

Do your difficulties decoding male psychology often get you in trouble when it comes to men? Has your inability to read a man's signals ever resulted in a failed relationship? Are you frustrated by your inability to figure out what men want? I will help you decode male psychology to ensure your dating success in the future.

1 - Men like a little mystery. A woman who presents an open book will quickly become boring. True friendship and lasting relationships are based on a couple's intimate knowledge of each other, and no relationship is stronger than one that continues to grow. Don't try to force a man to know you by bombarding him with every detail of your life. Instead, let him get to know you slowly by sharing of yourself only when the time is right.

2 - Be exciting. Love and romance are supposed to be exhilarating, not difficult and tedious. So spice up your relationship by trying new things, breaking past your own personal boundaries, and having a good time in the process. A man who sees your adventurous side will admire your lust for life. Fill every moment of time you spend together with adventure, and he'll become addicted to the thrill he experiences when he's with you.


3 - Be real. There's a reason why people don't like liars. Deceit and deception leave people feeling used. As such, the last thing any man wants is to date a woman who tricks him into believing she's something that she's not. Instead of trying to act like the person you think your man wants you to be, act naturally without apology. If there's a real connection between you and your man, he'll appreciate your frankness and your honesty.

4 - Take care of yourself. This couldn't be simpler, and it couldn't be more important. In order to decode male psychology, you need to realize that men desire women who take pride in their appearance and their health. Dress appropriately; accentuate your best features; practice perfect hygiene; and exercise. The healthier your body is, the more attractive you will be to the opposite sex.

5 - Let your man choose the pace of the relationship. Although men don't fall in love as easily as women, they generally fall harder. Give a man time to know and appreciate your diverse virtues and you will be rewarded with undying devotion. By rushing a man into a relationship he's not ready for, you run the risk of ruining any chance you may have originally had.

6 - Above all else, remember that men are often looking for same things you are. Although they may run on a different schedule, they ultimately want to end up at the same place. Put these suggestions into practice and pay attention to the way men react to the changes you make in your own life. In time, you'll begin to understand how men really work. And that's the key to understanding male psychology.

[Victoria]

Great advice here, thank you all.