When A Man Says Let's Get Together Soon?

[Ashley]

When a man says 'let's get together soon" what does he mean by soon? Days, weeks, months?

[Malvin]

It means the same thing as.. "it is not you... it is me"... or "we should really hang out more"... or "why do you not ever call me?"

Which means... it does not mean much.

If a man is really interested and has any guts at all... he would say "let us get together next week"...or something more specific.

In modern culture... vagueness is a "nice" way of blowing someone off.

Move on.

[Dennis]

It's not bad enough that men complicate life for women by being simple, but men add to the confusion by speaking a different language.

Men don't really mean EXACTLY what they say.

It's another reason why men and women have such difficulty communicating with each other. Having set myself up as the Berlitz of Men, I am often asked by women to translate this secret MAN CODE. It's not an easy job. With a foreign language you can fall back on a dictionary and a book of grammar. But every man works with a built in thesaurus, scrambling the words and improvising the meanings as he goes.

Here is a rough guide that pairs the sound of what men say to the sense of what they mean.

When he says: "Sure, I like kids."
He means: "I like kids, but I'm not ready to settle down and have four of them before I buy my first Porsche."

When he says: "I could see myself married someday."
He means: "I'm not just another playboy, but for now, let's play!"

When he says: "I lived with a woman once, but it didn't work out."
He means: "I'm willing to make a commitment but nothing is set in stone."

When he says: "Tell me about your ex boyfriends."
He means: "Only tell me about the losers and creeps."

When he says: "What's your favorite color?"
He means: "Maybe I can get my money back if she doesn't like pink."

When he says: "Did you see the Seahawks play last night?"
He means: "If she's a Seahawks fan, I've found the perfect woman."

When he says: "My shower is broken. Can I come over and use yours?"
He means: "If you wash my back, I'll wash yours."

When he says: "I'm really into my job."
He means: "My career comes first."

When he says: "My wife and I are separated."
He means: "My wife is at home on the west coast, and I am on business here in Cleveland."

When he says: "Let's just be friends."
He means: "There are other women in my life."

When he says: "Let's just have fun and see where we end up."
He means: "I like you but it's too early to make any real judgments."

When he says: "We could go back to my place, but it's a little messy."
He means: "I am a slob."

When he says: "Would you mind going to Sunday brunch without me, I have a ton of work to do."
He means: "There is no way that I'm going to miss that game."

When he says: "Wanna drive?
He means: "I'm too wasted to drive."

When he says: "You look stressed out. Roll over and let me rub your back."
He means: "Let's make love."

When he says: "I wonder what Bill O'Reilley will talk about tonight."
He means: "No sex tonight."

When he says: "Let's talk about it some other time."
He means: "The subject is closed, FOREVER!"

This lexicon is a good starting point. Add your own translations, or, better still, go behind a man's lines and confront his actions. There, face-to-face with what he is doing, rather than floating in the bubble of what he is saying, you will find his meaning. Men speak through their actions. They are not good at verbalizing.

[Jane]

There are the exceptions, men who ultimately cave when pressured incessantly, but these relationships do not last. I have a friend who says "I will not stop trying to snag him until he's mine". She will be relentless in her pursuits and it ultimately ends up with her having to be deceitful in some way. She does not believe in the allure of mystery or playing hard to get. In the end, she ends up with disappointment. Eventually, these men figure it out, and out the door they go. Men are a no nonsense breed. 'It is what it is'. Men are not as inclined to play hard to get, and causing utter confusion as females are. If you are unsure if his intentions are sincere here are a few signs that you've snagged him.

1. He calls on the phone.

Generally, when men start to think things might be getting tense in the relationship, and something doesn't feel right.......they will call and try to find out out what it is. If you have been out with him a few times and you have the feeling he might be the one, but he is hard to reach. Then you might need to take a second look, and move on before you hang yourself out to dry. He just isn't interested if you can't reach him easily.

Most men know, that by calling you they are showing interest. Unless he is shy and afraid when dealing with women, he will call you. When you have been on a few dates, and real connections and feelings have been formed, men will make serious efforts to contact you. He phones you to say "I was just thinking about you, so I thought I would give you a call." If the man's problem is that he's shy or intimidated, you wouldn't want to be the one who has to train him for his future girlfriends' benefit....now would you?

2. He includes you in family activities.

He invites you to places with friends or family. If he is including you in activities with those close to him, he wants you to be a part of his life. Why would you take a person you do not give a darn about to meet your family? Then, have to suffer all the questions later when they ask about her. Meeting the family is a big deal to a man, and in their minds a huge step. So, if you played scrabble with Mom and Pops on "Saturday Scrabble Day", their weekly ritual, he thinks you are definitely girlfriend material.

3. He suggests you leave things at his place.

If he asks you to leave a change of clothes, toiletries, etc. at his place then he is acknowledging a commitment. Mind you, if he is keeping your things in a box down in the basement at the end of a labyrinth with a retina scanner for clearance than he is hiding your relationship from someone. If your things are not in plain view, or where anyone who stops by to visit can easily discover them, he is not taking your time together seriously. Or worse, he has someone else whom he cares about, and you are the one helping him stray. If you get to drop your pink sparkle toothbrush in the space next to his, you're in.

4. He lets you drive his car. Not because he's been drinking. / And without him as a passenger.

If he drives a car that has no backseat because it was stolen and the rear window is covered in saran wrap then this shouldn't apply. You probably should not be driving that car anyway. This is for the guy who adores his car, spends hours waxing it, and takes great pride in caring for it. If he gives you the keys to his prize possession, and not because it is a matter of life or death (a designated driver), you have been deemed trustworthy. In his mind, he is showing the ultimate trust in you, and the keys to his apartment will soon follow.

5. He says "I love you" with not a hope of sex in sight.

If you are walking down an isle at the local market and he stops you to say "I love you", he really does. Men get overcome with emotion in the sack but this short lived and in the throws of passion, it isn't wise to put all of your faith in his words. Men, are like a valve that will release when the pressure has built, this is the same for sex, but also for feelings and love. For men it is the action that counts, not the words. But if in the most random and unpredictable moment he expresses his feelings for you, and has nothing to gain in the immediate future, he means it.

There are exceptions to this, but this applies if you are unsure at the dawn of a relationship. If the two of you have been together for a few months and in bed he says he loves you, then listen to him. Some men could take a whole year to utter the words. Always try to look at the context in which he expresses his undying love for you. Never say "I love you" first. Ever. Even if he loves you, he could get scared and feel like things are getting out of control. Out of his control, that is.

If the two of you have been together for a long time, you should know where he stands in his love for you. If you don't, then you have bigger fish to fry. Women have their hearts broken everyday by men they trust. Those who have thrown caution to the wind and ended up being blown off or tossed aside, could have lessened the blow if they guarded their hearts just a little.

Men can be influenced by many things that can effect how they view a budding relationship. Friends, family, past heartbreaks, and fear of commitment. Let them express themselves naturally, and without pressure. If he isn't talking about his feelings all the time, that doesn't mean he doesn't possess real feelings for you.

[Ashley]

Thank you all for you answer.