I Feel Lack of His Interest in Me

[Julia]

I would like to ask about my particular dating issue.

Some time ago I met a guy and we started dating. I like him and he seems to like me too but I am concerned about how much he likes me. When we meet he acts nice and fun, but keeps it cool.

Maybe its because he is little bit shy around me. Actually we do not meet too often like couple times a month and send few SMSes.

So I cant rid of the idea that he just meets with me when he has no other more interesting plans. At the moment I don't have other dates, so I keep going out with him.

Well, it is just the beginning as we were dating only for 2 months.

We both are open to date others. I would like to meet with him more often, but I feel lack of his interest in me, which turns my enthusiasm off.

Is it better just quit with him or try to increase the interest?

I would be very thankful for your comments.

[Ben]

You know, your question may be one of the most common ones I read on a regular basis.

When a guy does not exactly fawn over you, it just makes you think about him all the time, does it not?

It makes you want him MORE...right?

Why is that?

Well, it kind of makes you feel as if you are going to have to earn his affection.

And since the two of you are "open" to courting others, it tends to cause of feeling of wondering what other women are vying for his attention.

There is this misconception that women really are not so into competition, are you?

Yet, when you know you have a guy who is not falling for you so quickly, it makes you all the more intrigued.

Your mind starts working overtime trying to plan how you can get him to understand that the best woman for him is right before his very eyes...if only he would "see the light" and figure it out.

So what do you do?

Well, you can simply give up, as you have suggested as one option you are considering.

And nobody wants to be a quitter!

That just feels so, well...weak.

On the other hand, however, when a woman recognizes herself as a great catch and thinks of herself to be a woman of confidence and a solid self esteem she feels slightly indignant about the man's apparent blindness to the situation.

It is with that mindset she might actually choose the SECOND option you have presented...

She will redouble her efforts to impress him.

In other words, she sets out to PROVE herself.

Perhaps ironically, and certainly contrary to what makes sense, this determination can actually drive a man away.

It is true.

And this is not a gender-specific thing, either.

Think about it.

Have you ever met a man who very quickly became completely infatuated with you?

Perhaps he called you several times a day, gushed about how wonderful you are and maybe even bought you expensive gifts.

Or maybe he just seemed to sacrifice everything at your feet...including his dignity.

Were you MORE attracted to him because of all this?

Probably not.

If you are like most women you were left feeling a bit empty.

It is almost as if you felt that if you were able to capture this man's heart, mind and soul so easily, you could probably do even better.

It is a terrible feeling to realize you are seeing a man in this way, especially when he is so super nice to you.

And you cannot change how you feel.

Were you to chase this man with renewed enthusiasm, my thinking is he would...as I suggested...be driven away.

So what to do?

There is actually a THIRD option.

And I feel I must tell you, it is not the easiest way to go.

If you want him to take more notice of you, you simply have to become less available.

And you have to build other activities into your life that cause you not to focus on him so much.

Now I fully realize that you already do not see him so much.

My impression is that you do not talk to each other all that often either.

So right now I would have to suppose you are not the highest priority in his life.

That does not change what I told you.

Why is that?

Well it is really all about your ATTITUDE.

If you are at his whim when he DOES call you, he feels you are pretty easy to corral, cowgirl.

Were you to actually NOT be available on a night he wants to see you...or NOT pick up the phone when he calls...that would clue him in that you are more of a challenge.

Does this all sound like game playing?

Well, if it is all simply manufactured behavior for the sake of going through the motions, then it IS just a 'game."

And if you can successfully consider yourself a woman who DOES have options when it comes to attracting great men, and who DOES have a life full of excitement beyond what one guy can provide on an irregular basis, then the authenticity of who you are will create genuine intrigue.

If not in this guy, then in many, many others who will find you irresistible.

And you will find it happening more and more often.

As for the guy you are seeing, he may or may not respond as you desire.

He is his own man.

And becoming the woman who neither gives up nor chases - and who rather rests in her desirability - will always make you the one who creates the most natural attraction from men.

I am sure after reading this reply to your question, you will realize you DO have options and if this guy is serious on you it will make him up his game.

Let me know how you get on.

[Caleb]

There are subtle movements or things about a man that speak more than their words. His body language, while he is with a woman, conveys a lot more than he says. Is he interested in me? A woman shouldn't ask her a guy whether he is happy in her company or not. She has to read his actions and determine what his heart feels for her. If he is interested in you, his actions will say it all and your job is to observe him closely and not miss the signs he reveals.

Body language

You should observe him minutely and pay attention to each and every movement of his. One of the first signs that you can catch is whether the guy raises his eyebrows when he glances at you. It is a faint hint that he passes to you, just a slight raise and fall, which shows that he is love struck with the first glimpse at you. You must be sure not to miss it and if you take note of it, then be sure to interpret it.

Hair test

A very common sign, which women also indulge in, is touching or smoothening the hair. A signal to prove that some spark is there in his heart for the woman they enjoy being with. Either men tousle their hair or run fingers through them, depending on the hair do. It does not mean that they are being self-conscious but is a hint that he is passing you in a delicate manner so that you notice him.

Body movements

Men tend to bend forward while talking to their special someone. It is an important sign and indicates interest for the person he is speaking to. But if he bends backwards while facing you and leans on a wall, also if he crosses his arms while doing so, it is a bad sign, which shows that you do not captivate his interest.

Leg movements

The leg movements should not be ignored. They give an important hint whether or not a man likes you or not. If your man points his legs towards you while keeping it crossed, that means something is surely there. This is a vital key to unlock the secret mysteries of a man's mind. It is a part of the leg language and you should keep it in mind.

This way you will be able to read a man's body language, is he is interested in you? Everything is not just in the mind but scattered around us everywhere. Each and every sign means something. The trick is to know how to read it and how to find out if you fascinate your guy.

[Sofia]

When a guy is interested in you, the first thing he does is try to know you. He will try to get close to you so as to find out whether you are truly the type of girl he wants. So, he starts up with friendship. He likes to spend time with you. But while he is doing all these, he is trying to find the qualities he wants in a girl of his dreams.

So, when a guy starts paying attention to you more than before, it is a sign that he is interested in you. Besides this, he gives you compliments and tries to do things for you. He will take it upon himself to know what your needs are and help you to satisfy them.

He would avoid asking about your boyfriend. He assumes you don't have any and if you do, he'll prefer to replace him. So, while you talk about everything, he does not give an indication of having a girlfriend and does not talk about you having a boyfriend. This is a strategy to remove all barriers to the relationship.

One of the top signs that he is interested in you is also seen in the way he looks at you and admire you. Often times, what attract a man to you is your physical structure. So, when a man constantly stares at you or some part of your body, it is a sign that he is interested in you.

The next thing he does is give you gifts. Once he determines the type of things you like, he presents them to you as gifts during occasions. He'll like to offer you gifts that indicate that he loves you.

Another sign is the preference he gives you over other girls. By doing this, he intends to let you know that you are special and that he prefers you to other girls.

[Julia]

Great advice from you all, thank you!