He Hasn't Contacted Me in A Week Should I Call or Text Him?

[Victoria]

I have been dating for about 6 months now and about 3 months ago I met a very nice man at my church. About a month later we started dating so we've been just dating for about 2 months now. I'm still seeing other guys, but we've been seeing each other 2 or 3 times a week. He's been absolutely wonderful and I find myself enjoying his company. We've been on some very expensive dates, it doesn't matter to me what we do though, it just feels good spending time with him, but he HAS been very generous and giving. The problem is the better part of a week has gone by with almost no contact. He is scheduled to leave town tomorrow for business for 2 weeks and it feels really weird that we haven't seen each other this week, since we've been seeing each other 2-3 times a week. He sent a text at the start of the week saying, "Good morning gorgeous. Have a great Monday." I replied back to him, but nothing...So whats going on? Should I call? Text? Wait to hear from him when he gets back? Am I making a big deal out of nothing? My mind is trying to go back and reply things to see if I did anything 'wrong' and its also saying 'oh he's just busy with work, etc." Maybe I was putting out a stronger vibe that when we first started dating? I just don't know.
My mom tells me to text him, because he might feel like hes put out all this effort, and that I'm not reciprocating (I don't know how this would be the case though, I've made time for him, let him kiss me, been very open to his company, am I missing something? Do I need to do something else?) The truth is, it feels crappy, and I'm feeling confused as to what would be the best thing to do.

What do you think?

[Bradwin]

Hello Victoria:

First of all, thanks for the kind words.And thank you for writing to me.

Your question touches upon a topic that most women will encounter sooner than later in their dating lives, for sure.

If you've had a pattern of communication with a guy for a couple of months that suddenly changes out of the blue I think it's perfectly logical to wonder what happened.

I'd pick up the phone, call him and ask him if everything's all right over there.

Nothing more than that.

Then when he calls back, just let him talk.

Don't make assumptions or force the issue.

Chances are he'll tell you whatever needs to be said.

If, however, he makes "small talk" for a good ten minutes as if nothing ever happened, feel absolutely free to simply state that it was unusual not to hear from him for four days.

Then, again, let him talk.

Admittedly, it is flat-out bizarre that he would text you with something so positive and THEN fall off the map like that. It safe to say SOMETHING is up, for sure.

And it could really be ANYTHING, but likely NOT something that kept him out of the communication loop for four full days.

With that in mind, I have to prepare you...even if things looked rosy on the surface it's not typical of a guy who's really psyched about a woman to leave her hanging for four days after having been in the habit of seeing her a few times a week.

Unfortunately, tons of guys are very bad at coming clean and providing closure with women we're no longer interested in.

They tend to really, really dread negative emotional responses from women.

It's not that they're bad guys necessarily, it's just that they lack "back bone."

Plain and simple.

Then again, he could call you right as I'm typing this and everything will be fine.

He may have broken down in the desert with no cell phone signal and rescued by a helicopter just this morning.

Maybe he did pass out cold and has been in a coma at the local hospital since earlier this week.

Even then, I'd still expect to at least hear the explanation spoken in plain English.

But neither of the above scenarios is likely, of course.

And no matter what, a quick call from you at this point when the pattern has clearly shifted isn't needy or clingy.

On the contrary, it's indicative of self-respect.

Meanwhile, enjoy being social with the other guys you are dating.

You are in the position to be the "chooser" rather than the "chaser".

Oh, and by the way...him calling you something like THREE MONTHS or so from now as if everything is "fine" would NOT be "fine".

[Sofia]

Waiting for a man to call can feel like torture. Rarely does anything have such power over women as the telephone.

Nothing drives a woman more insane than a man who says he'll call and didn't. Or a man who was calling regularly then stopped cold turkey.

You want answers. You want to know what is going on inside his mind. How is it possible to have such an amazing connection and him not be in constant contact with you? Why did he say the things he did if he didn't mean it?

At this point you may be panicking which is one of the huge mistakes many women make. They over analyze every point of contact they've had with a man they were chatting with or dating and begin to make assumptions about his behavior. Many women unknowingly drive the man further away because they rush in and try to get answers without really understanding why.

How do you make a man pursue you instead of the feelings of desperation that you have for him to call?

First, do not jump to conclusions about his behavior and what it means. If he's stopped calling or his calls are declining, there could be a number of reasons why. The most important thing you need to focus on is how to properly respond to his behavior so that you do not make mistakes and push him further away. Your man might be thinking of you right now but your worrying over what to do will make it worst for you. Instead of scrambling for answers, find out how to make him call you.

[Ella]

Wouldn't life be so much easier for single women if single men were less confusing? When we start dating a man all we really want is to know if he's interested or not. It's difficult enough when you start to develop feelings for someone and you aren't sure what they are feeling. Add to that the riddle about telephone calls, emails and text messages and most women are at a loss. There are some basic dating rules that women would do well to follow. One of the most important is to never call a man you're dating.

It might seem foolish to be interested in a man and then never call him. There's a reason why it's advisable though. Men are hunters, they love pursuing things. Whether it's a great deal on a new car, the top score in a video game or a woman, a man wants to be the winner. If you present yourself right in front of him, without any restrictions, he's likely going to look right past you to another woman who is a master of playing the game of hard to get.

Let's say you go out with a great guy who you can see yourself having a future with. You exchange numbers and a few days pass without a word from him. Instead of getting out and having fun without him, you decide to call him. The moment you do that you extinguish the fire. He sees you as wanting to be the pursuer, and he loses interest. If you wait for him to call, he'll see you as a challenge. Men love a challenge.

The only exception to the rule is if he calls and leaves you a voicemail asking you to return his call. In this case he's already initiated contact so you should call him back. Keep it brief though and don't commit to another date just yet. Tell him you need to check your schedule first. Men love the idea of a woman who has such a full life that she has to make time to see him.

[Victoria]

Great advice from everyone of you. I love you all!