single, bald and feeling hopeless

[worriedwithfear]

I started losing my hair as early as 26, however the hair loss was mainly on the crown and hardly visible at the front. For the next 8 years or so, it started falling out fast. Now at almost 34, I am bald.
Clearly looking back I've had a severe case of male pattern baldness as my mothers' brothers are all bald. So I knew it wasn't going to work out well! Losing what's left of your hair is a difficult period although I went through various phases of feeling very down about it to not feeling so bad. Now, I am totally bald and I still go through those same phases of feeling ok with it to spending the day wishing I could have hair.

Anyway, my main concern with all this is probably the most common for a single guy - how it impacts on dating and attracting women. I've had a fair few relationships in my life but still no luck in finding that one person. I think I used to be a great looking guy when I had hair and even with a buzzcut 3/4 years ago where I still had a little hair. Now, as a totally bald guy, people still mention I'm a decent looking guy and some say I even look better without hair than with hair but I've lost confidence. What does help is that I'm 6"2, dark skinned (dark brown) and have the exact right head shape for the bald look. Even then, I don't think it's enough and I would give anything to have at least some hair again so that I could have my buzz cut again.

As I'm still searching and looking for love, I'm getting the impression that baldness is an issue for women. I've heard the usual "it's confidence that they find attractive etc." "women are more interested in other qualities" This of course may well be true to varying degrees but what kind of women do you see the bald guys with? Women never say what they really mean, so they may say baldness is not an issue but then you have to look at the reality. Look at the men they end up dating and marrying. Whenever I see a couple where the guy is bald, his gf/wife is not exactly anything special physically speaking. How many bald guys do you honestly see with hot chicks? It's rare. Studies have been done proving the obvious that women do prefer men with hair overall.

On dating websites too, I don't have the same luck as I had before when I had that buzz cut and some hair. A good looking guy with hair more than likely will get more attention. And then there are some women who simply don't want a bald guy regardless even if you can pull it off. I find I'm not attracting the women that I want. The women that do seem to be attracted to me are the ones that I don't find attractive.

I'm not the confident man I used to be and I believe the lack of hair/being single has played a significant part in this.

[Brett]

Men, we know that vanity is part of your tricks on how to impress a girl. Thus, it pains if you go out on a date with thinning or balding hair. How do you properly deal with it?

1. Give yourself the proper treatment. If you think you cannot learn how to impress a girl with a thinning hair condition, then by all means seek medical help first. There are plenty of hair loss causes, and a number of them are controllable and can be fixed in a short amount of time.

2. Talk well. In the end, what matters most is how to talk with women, not your physical appearance. Women do settle for the smarty-pants, those who can carry conversations and, most of all, make them laugh real hard. You can even use your condition to initiate a very interesting discussion. It helps too if you can just make a joke about it. After all, sooner or later, they'll get used to and tire with the handsome look.

3. Go bald. If you cannot handle the thinning hair, then just get rid of what has remained. You don't have to be mindful of your hair anymore, and all your attention is on your date. Also, for some reason, a lot of women find bald men incredibly sexy.

4. Keep yourself fit. One of the ways on how to attract a woman is to take care of yourself. You may not be able to do anything with your hair, but you can surely do something with the rest of your body. A good body also diverts the attention of women away from your hair.

5. Be proud of it. You can learn how to impress a girl by simply embracing yourself, including your weaknesses or flaws. There are thousands of bald men all over the world, and they have never been prouder. If they can have such self-esteem, surely you can too. Moreover, as soon as you learn to accept your thinning hair, all your worries and insecurities with simply go away. Besides, toupees, no matter how "real" they look, are tacky (and you risk of accidentally taking it off).

6. Enhance the look. You can use your baldness to change your look every once in a while. For example, during the cold months, you can wear cool stocking caps that go well with your jeans and shirt. You can also accessorize yourself with baseball caps or fedora hats during special occasions. An added bonus too is the fact that you can easily learn how to attract a woman because you simply stand out from the crowd.

At first glance, thinning hair is a bane. Know, though, that times have changed, and women have learned to equate baldness with poor looks and even lack of self-confidence. A lot of them don't care about how you look at all (as long as you appear clean). Further, if you're seeking a long-term relationship, then you should be aware that appearance doesn't come first on the "long-lasting relationships" list.

[Charles]

That's a good question! There are a few possible answers to that. However, being young, I know it's not just you hairline that's suffering is it? Your confidence is somewhat dented too, isn't it!

How do I know this? Because I was just 16 years old when I started to lose my hair. I'll tell you, I know it's not a pleasant experience. One day you're kicking around being young and care free then all of a sudden... BOOM!

Hair loss kicks in and you're not feeling so care free and confident anymore. You begin to worry if other people can notice it and you start wearing caps to hide it. I know, because this is what I did when I was first experiencing it.

Before long I realized it wasn't going to just stop. Especially after taking a look at my dads head, his was shiny! Coping with hair loss is easy if you know how, and the one thing that helped me along the way was that I just accepted that I wasn't going to stop losing hair. Accepting it and just trying to take care of the hair that I had left was all I could do really.

I'm not a pessimist or a defeatist by any means, you only have to look at the table full of sports medals I have in my bedroom to know I'm a winner and not a quitter, but this was genetic. It's a known fact that, if your family genes have a history of hair loss then you will inevitably lose your hair at an excessive rate as well.

Of course, there are regrowth treatments and such that can help you regrow your hair at an excessive rate to counter the hair loss.

That's for another article though. Here I'm concentrating on how I dealt with, and how I'm still dealing with hair loss at a young age.

So, now you might be saying "Okay then mate, are you gonna tell us what you did or not?", to which I'd reply "YES!".

Here is the three main things I did that helped me deal with my loss of hair...

1. Accept It - The number one thing that helped me get over the fact I was losing my hair was that I just accepted it. Now, that's because I knew that mines was hereditary, so I knew it wasn't going to stop. I just had to find a way to counter act the excessive hair loss. For people who may only be experiencing temporary hair loss, though, accepting it is still useful, as there is more hope for you guys to regrow your hair quicker. However, accepting takes so much pressure off of you, it gives you that little bit of piece of mind due to the fact you're no longer wondering what's going to happen in the future, you and I both know what's going to happen, don't we?
2. Grow It - Growing your hair a little longer will allow you to style it slightly in a way that helps cover it for the time that you need to help regrow it. Though, I do accept that a lot of hairstyles are a contributor to hair loss, as they put too much pressure on the scalp, you can still sport a simple front shed style with the fringe, so long as you're not pulling at it. However, I understand everyone's hair recedes in different places and this means that you'll obviously know better than me how to style it.
3. Show It - What? I know right! Why would you show something that is a source of embarrassment? Well, that's not exactly what I mean. I'm not saying SHOW it, I'm saying show that you're not ashamed of it and show that you can take a joke just as much as the next guy. If the subject of baldness or hair loss comes up in a social situation, use your own hair loss experiences to poke fun at yourself and be cool about it. Don't for a second get serious or offended by it if someone takes the piss a little bit, you'll just get ripped to shreds even more. Take it on the chin and say something witty and good humored, people appreciate someone with a sense of humor, and this in turn will give you a better social standing as the "decent/cool guy" and ultimately boost your confidence when you're the guy everyone wants to go for a drink with or hang with. I say this because, not wanting to blow my own trumpet, I'm that guy amongst my group of friends.

So, conclusion... Accept It, Grow It and Show It! Be the social guy...