Can a Sex Friend Become Boyfriend Material?

[Ashley]

Here is the question: can a sex friend become boyfriend material?

I have this friend with benefits since August. You set the rules pretty clearly at the beginning, no feelings, we are friends who have added the "benefit" that's it. After a while, though, we have started getting attached, and actually David was the first one saying he started "liking me too much".... and same apply to me. But he still does not want to commit, yet he calls me almost every day, we send each other text messages or emails every day.... is there anything I can do, without scaring him, in order to take it to the next level, and see if we can date?

[Sammy]

Hi Ashley,

Here's the deal: If you want to turn a "friends with benefits" situation into a dating situation you need to basically kill the relationship you've got now and define a new one.

That means calling up David, meeting with him in a public place (where you won't be tempted to just fall into bed together) and flat out telling him what you really want.

Then, if he's up for it, you start dating. And for at least that first week or two of dating I'd recommend you DO NOT sleep together.

You can do everything but, but you need to get to know each other and re-categorize each other in your minds.

And if you lay down the law and give him an ultimatum (dating or nothing. No more freebe sex) and he walks away, you need to accept that. If you just keep sleeping with him, he'll have no motivation to actually change the relationship.

You have got to take the risk Christina when you want to change "friends with benefits" to a more committed relationship. That the other person does not want to change themselves. And you have to accept that Christina and move on and find yourself a man who wants to be in a "committed" relationship with you.

Let me know how you get on.

[Lily]

Have you experienced the frustration of falling for the guy who's your best friend? Would you like to know how to turn your best friend into your boyfriend without destroying the friendship part of your relationship? Do you feel trapped in a one-of-the-guys relationship and wonder how to change that? The biggest problem you face is getting him to see you in a different light. If you are able to do that, it's going to be quite possible to turn your best friend into your boyfriend. This is what you need to do.

Make some very subtle changes in the relationship you already share with him. You don't want to wave a red flag at him. Instead you want him to start wondering what's different. Make point of being around more than usual and being a part of more things he's interested in. Go watch him play a game and compliment him on his performance.

You may be considered one of the guys by the group he's part of. Start to treat him in a slightly different way than you do the other guys in the group. You want him to notice that you're becoming a closer friend than you used to be.

Dress differently than you normally would so he takes notice. You'll know you're getting through to him, if he starts to really look at you. When he does notice, smile and make eye contact with him. Then hold that eye contact for a beat longer.

If he starts to talk about a girl he likes or is dating, become noticeably quieter. If he asks what's wrong or what you think he should do, tell him you don't want to think about him going out with other girls. This will really get his attention and make him think of you differently.

By now he should be aware that things have changed. If you want to turn your best friend into your boyfriend, it's time to up the stakes.

This is a good time to start flirting with him. Make it obvious but not too obvious. He's only human, so chances are he'll start flirting with you in return.

One great strategy is to get close enough to lean over and touch him on the arm or shoulder. Once you have his attention, come out with a slightly outrageous flirty remark. Then walk away but look back over your shoulder and smile but keep walking. This will put the ball squarely in his court.

You've already got an important piece of the relationship puzzle in place if you can turn your best friend into your boyfriend. And since you're already best friends, things can only get better from there.

[David]

Change your way of looking, thinking, and acting.
The first thing you need to do to turn your best guy friend into your boyfriend is to change you. You should make sure you dress just a bit nicer around him. Aim for looking classy, but feminine at the same time. You also want to get to know him deeper, so quit treating him like you do every other guy you know. Finally you want to start acting like a woman interested in a relationship and not just another "buddy", "one of the guys", or "a friend".


Flirt.
While you are changing the way that you act around him you should beef up your flirting. You want to work on flirting shamelessly with him. Make it so that you are showing him very clearly what your intentions are. Be aware that he may think that you are just fooling around at the start, but if you keep it up you are sure to show him.

Show him you are jealous.
Rather than hide jealousy from him, show him that his attention to other women, his girlfriend problems, and other things make you a bit jealous. Don't turn into the green eyed monster or anything, but make it known that you would like to be in their place and that you would like to treat him well.

If you can do these things and he isn't currently involved you are sure to turn your best guy friend into your boyfriend. Be patient with him. It will probably take time, especially if he hadn't thought of you as girlfriend material before. In time though, he will be yours!

[Sofia]

You are crazy about him but know in your heart that he is not serious about you. If he is a player and you want him to stop his fooling around and get serious then all you need to do is follow these tactics. They will help him see how foolish he is being and realize what you mean to him.

Be consistent in your sincerity with him
Don't let his fooling around get you. If you are a hundred percent sure that he is the guy for you, then you should be consistent in your pursuit of him. Let him see that you are serious and sincere in your feelings for him. Don't hold back and continue to shower your love on him. He might feel ashamed to take your ardent love for granted and stop his philandering ways.

Show him that you are worth committing to
Even if he has got into this relationship in a light hearted manner and is dating you just because of the "fun and games" element, make him see that you are not a girl to be taken lightly. Let him realize that you are worth committing to and he is not going to find another girl like you in a hurry. When he begins to admire you for the traits and qualities you have - he will get serious.

Let him see the difference between you and the other girls
Behave in such a manner that he notices the difference between you and other girls. Let him see that you don't only look and dress better than any other girl around, but your nature and characteristics are way above the other females he has dated in the past. When he realizes that you are a true "find" he won't want to give you up.

Don't let him have his way all the time
If you notice that he is a player and refuses to get serious about you, then you should stop pampering him and giving in to him all the time. If you don't let him have his way with you he will realize that his game is up and that he cannot continue fooling around with you.

Encourage him to be faithful
Even if he started out as being a player and has never really made any sort of commitment to you or told you anything that promised a future commitment, you can always encourage him to remain faithful to you. Try and become his dream woman and be the type of girl that he can admire. He might change his mind and stay faithful.

Let him know that you are not to be taken lightly
If you know that he is a player and you want something more out of the relationship then your should let him know about it and don't allow him to take you for granted. Let him know that you are not willing to just "fool around" and if he wants to date you then he should seriously think of stopping all his flirting ways.

Become a player too to teach him a lesson
Sometimes you have to take a drastic step in order to teach him a lesson. Become a "player" yourself and flirt with the other guys. Date other handsome looking guys and see how he likes it! If he finds himself hating the thought of sharing you with others, he will stop his bad habits and get serious.

[Ashley]

Helpful advice from all of you, thank you so much.