Are We Dating?

[Mabel]

Can you tell me "What's the definition of dating this generation? " Can you finish this sentence? "You're definitely dating if/when______________" ...cuz the guy I'm seeing seems to think we're not dating even though we spend most of our time together doing different things, activities, etc…

[Jerome]

You know you're dating when . . .

Well, when you have a conversation and you both say "We're dating."

Like I said, I get emails EVERY DAY from women saying . . .

"We slept together, does that mean he's my boyfriend?" (nope.)

Or

"Mike, he told me I'm the woman of his dreams, the one he's been

searching for, does that mean we're dating?" (nope. It means he's either: Really romantic, really good at telling women what they want to hear, really drunk or really a scammer.)

Or

"Mike, this guy and I made out at a bar in front of his girlfriend.

We were REALLY drunk, but I think he loves me now!" (Sober up.)

Or

"Mike, this guy I like made eye contact with me from far across the room for 1.62 seconds. I was standing in front of a poster for the new Star Trek movie, but I'm pretty sure he was looking at me and wasn't secretly lusting after Spock. From angle of the left side of his mouth

I'm pretty sure he loves me. He's mine now, right?" (Seek help.)

Ugh.

Really, ladies, you need to stop using your crazy female "Meaning Finding" powers so much and just trust this one rule:

You're "dating" a guy when you use your words like adults and you both actually SAY you're dating. (And even if you're "dating" - as in, going on dates, courting, schlepping like bunnies, whatever you're not a "COUPLE" until you sit down, define the relationship and SAY you're a couple.)

And here's the real kicker:

Until he makes an actual VERBAL commitment to you and says "We are

a couple," you are single.

(And, as much as it hurts, so is he.)

That means you should keep going out with other guys, should protect yourself both emotionally and physically (if he's sleeping with you and you haven't had the monogamy talk he may well be sleeping with other women as well. And that doesn't necessarily make him a player or a douchebag. It just makes him single. Like you.)

And you should refuse to drop other plans for him and . . .

I know, I know, this should be really obvious, but when the hormones are pumping and the heart is yearning it's way too easy to make assumptions.

And if you're too scared to "define the relationship" because you think you might not like what you hear . . .

Well, that gives you your answer right there, doesn't it?

That tells you that he's not yours (at least not yet.)

That you should turn back the volume on your yearningand your need.

That . . . well, that you're still single.

So act like it...

[Mabel]

Thank you so much for your helpful reply.