am I over thinking things?

[Tillyten]

Forgive me for the length!

I'm in a new relationship after a year of being single following a messy relationship. The guy I'm seeing has said he doesn't need to know why I'm divored. So I'm trying to decide if I should tell him because I'm feeling like he probably would want to know or just leave it in his hands to decide if my past is important to him.

so here's the story.....

I got married when I was 20 to the guy a girl should want to marry. He was invloved in the church, had a steady job, friends and family loved him. Fast forward three years later and our relationship is nothing like I had imagined. We're fighting about having kids, he's putting me down about who I am, he's talking bad about my family in font of me. We got to the point where we weren't spending any time alone enjoying each others company.

We were close with a guy I'd know since I was 12 and dated on and off through high school. This was the guy I thought I'd always marry, but that didn't turn out. I ended up letting myself get too close to him emotionally and felt like he was meeting my emotional needs better than my husband. I ended up kissing this guy one night and decided that was the final straw and I needed to divorce my husband.

So I told my husband I had kissed the other guy and was done. He wanted to work on our relationship and stay together, but I didn't feel we had something that could be fixed. I was 23 and felt like staying with him would be a long life of trying to make something work that never would.

I moved in with my parents then after talking with the guy I had kissed I decided to move in with him a week later. We were together for a little over 3 years till it got abusive and I left him.

Moved back in with my parents and decided to remain single while I got back to feeling like myself and figuring out what I really wanted for my life and forgive myself for hurting people.

I spent 11 months single then went on 3 dates with one guy that didn't work out. Now I've been with the current guy almost 2 months. He's said he didn't need to know why I'm divorced just how long I've been divorced. Whenever he asks about my past I answer him. I'm just wonderong if there's a point when I should voluteer the information or just leave it in his hands. I don't know if I'm feeling guilty because he's probably the nicest guy I've dated or I'm just trying to unnecessarily clear my conscious.

I would absolutely never do what I did again. I'm 28 and still have hope that I can find someone to have a great relationship with and grow old with.


I haven't really dated since before my ex husband so it's been about 10 years and dating as an adult is all very unfamiliar to me. Any advice is great appreciated!

[Malvin]

If he doesn't want to know why you were divorced but only when were divorced, then you shouldn't bother yourself telling him. The fact is that, telling him the reason for your divorce may turn him off and might make him not want to be with you again. I know that's not what you want, so don't tell him.

[David]

I can see your conscience pricks you, and you want to tell him what led to your divorce. However, that's not a wise thing to do for now, I mean it's too early to divulge such information to him. Moreover, he isn't bothered about it, so why should you be feeling guilty. Even if you are going to tell him, do that when you are sure he has fallen deeply in love with you. Doing that now, might make you lose him for good.