When Another Guy Threatens Your Woman's Honor

[Terry]

I'm wondering if anyone have any ideas on how to handle a situation like for instance when another man tries to humiliate you or her and would probably take pleasure in a physical confrontation?

I don't believe in fighting him (especially if he's a black belt who weighs in at 250 pounds and is a member of Hell's Angels) but I would also like to do what I can to handle it well in the eyes of my woman, if perhaps only by acting in a certain way afterwards.

I'm also wondering if you have any ideas on how to handle situations where you as a man are afraid to step up and "do what you have to do" or in a position of inner or outer weakness about something important, involving in some way being her leader, protector and so on.

Do you think it's prudent to allow her to know of that fear and weakness at that particular point in time for instance? Not by panicking, just letting her know something about what you are going through?

I see no reason to risk getting seriously injured merely to "defend my woman's honor" and if she can't understand that she is not the right one for me.

[Richard]

This is a heavy-duty question, requiring an industrial-strength answer.

The short answer is that women are saddled with enduring pregnancy and childbirth, and you as a man are saddled with potentially taking a fist in the face (literally or figuratively) to stand up for your woman's honor, defend her physical safety and/or make other hard decisions in crisis situations.

Not the easiest answer to hear, I realize. And I fully realize this will be controversial to many who read it.

But this is at the heart of what separates men of character from the rest.

You don't buckle under pressure, you take courage when you must and you stand for what's right no matter what the circumstances are.

It's not really quite that pragmatic in most real-life situations, but that's the short answer. The good news is that when you stand up to challenges you rarely end up maimed or even injured.

In the real world, I've had to stand up for my woman's honor before on several occasions--including with people a foot taller and 150# larger than I--and I've yet to get beat up.

Generally speaking, when guys are acting like idiots and someone brings that to their attention, they tend to back off rather than continuing to look like idiots.

In fact, that one huge guy actually I mentioned actually apologized and bought the whole table a round. My girlfriend at the time was amazed.

These days, nobody gets to disrespect my woman without having to deal with me in some way.

And importantly, such challenges may come in a variety of forms. You don't have to respond with immediate aggression if you're willing to "think outside the box".

The key is to focus on your woman's honor itself, not on any anger you feel towards the offender. Keep your cool.

Several years ago now, a certain podcast host out there was finding it convenient to hate on me pretty hard on his show. That I could deal with, since he comes from a decidedly different perspective than I do.

But when he made public remarks of a sexual nature about Emily he heard from me.

He made the judgment call to put my phone conversation with him live on his show in real-time, so everyone in his audience was a witness to my civil but very direct words to him on that matter.

I think he was expecting and perhaps hoping for a heated rant from me, maybe even an emotionally-charged argument he could in turn use to his own humorous advantage.

But that's not what he got.

He backed off from his position immediately, apologized publicly and even posted a link to my site. After all, he isn't a bad guy at his core, and neither am I.

He simply needed to be accountable for his actions in the name of "entertainment" vis-a-vis the real people affected by those actions.

He hasn't said anything disrespectful since, as far as I've been able to gather. I ended up on good terms with him, having accepted his apology, and trust he will not.

So don't get me wrong, I don't think you go picking fights per se, either physically or verbally. But I will always most certainly take the risk to defend Emily, and indeed my family in general.

I can't just can tell her I'm scared in the heat of the moment or tell her what I would have liked to have done sometime after the dust clears and expect her compassionate, understanding feminine nature to "fill in the gaps" for me.

Granted, I won't be foolish about it (e.g. if the aggressor is holding someone hostage at gunpoint, God forbid), but I don't think that's what most of us are likely to face.

In fact, if we as guys exercise solid 20/20 foresight, good judgment will keep us from frequenting venues that are likely to be a breeding ground for aggressive altercations in the first place.

Further, solid "relationship quarterbacking" will give you the field-sense to see potential trouble brewing and lead your woman by the hand away from it before it's an issue.

But even despite your best-laid plans and solid judgment calls, you've got to be prepared.

Simply put, AMOG tests from boneheads should always be challenged. Otherwise, your ability to fulfill upon creating a sense of safety and security in your woman will be severely compromised...perhaps permanently.

That said, if your relationship with the woman is solid enough, she should actually help you when the time comes, as long as you are the one who shows boldness first.

A great woman will not leave you "twisting in the wind" in these situations.

For example:


AMOG (to her): "Hey, hottie. Why don't you come home with me instead of this chump?"

You: "Thanks for the high compliment about my impeccable taste in women, man...but she's going to be coming home with me." [laughs]

[Note the initial use of laughter, meant to diffuse a potentially tense situation]


AMOG (to you): "Get lost, Chief. Come back when you grow up."

You: "She's not impressed. And that level of disrespect toward her better judgment is just messed up, dude."

[Note the refusal to descend to his level or fall into the trap of 'playing his game'. You call out the disrespect for what it is and leave it on the table as-is.]


Her (to AMOG): "Yeah, I think I hear your mother calling you, little boy. Your definition of being 'grown up' leaves something to be desired."

[Here, the woman you are with acknowledges your courage as a man, and serves notice to the AMOG that his presumption of power has been neutralized.]


The AMOG will almost always eject at this point, unless you have indeed made a severely poor choice in venues.

Most aggressors are simply on power trips in these situations, and even if they are a bit drunk they do NOT want to start fights, go to jail, and/or get shot--which in and of itself is a primary reason why what we're talking about today is a HUGE issue for guys no matter what their physical size is.

Once AMOGs realize they're starting to look stupid based purely on their own doing, they turn their attention elsewhere.

Sometimes, as I mentioned, guys who do boneheaded things in public get a moment of epiphany regarding their ridiculous actions, often followed by remorse and even apology.

When a guy understands another man to have just taken a bold stand in defense of his woman's honor, that often comes with the sudden realization that HE is the one who made that unfortunate moment necessary.

I do not think most AMOGs are okay with being flat-out evil people, so often this is a wake up call.

But admittedly not always. You may come across a situation on rare, rare occasions when the AMOG just wants to push the envelope.

You get the bouncer after that, unless he physically touches her, at which time you must intervene.

Say what you will, but my opinion is that you will lose that woman at that point if you don't make some physical effort to protect her at the potential expense of your own safety.

You've got to be willing to take a real, actual fist in the face for her at that point vs. watching her be physically assaulted as you look on "helplessly".

My bet is that even a man paralyzed from the waist down would jump out of his wheelchair and do what he could--even if friggin' Hulk Hogan was physically assaulting a woman he cared about.

Why? Because that's our job as men. Period.

But ultimately, I think most guys fail to see the "big picture" when considering potential situations like this.

Unless you have willingly inserted your woman and yourself into harm's way by going to a place where violent confrontations are either condoned or typically go unscrutinized, your bold stand for what's right will rarely if ever result in the outcome you fear most.

Think about it. If a guy shows up and disrespects your woman when you've been minding your own business, only to physically assault you and/or her when you object, that's tantamount to no less than a terrorist act.

The problem is that I think A LOT of guys fail to deploy when the time comes out of pure fear or even selfishness, which thereby creates a playground of ridicule for an AMOG.

In fact, that's probably what he's betting on.

Even when the AMOG fails to attract your woman away from you in such a scenario, he will have succeeded at creating a situation where your woman is sent a very clear negative message about YOU.

And I'll maintain with every fiber of my being that having let a woman down under those circumstances and having sacrificed my honor as a man at that moment would hurt a lot more than anything some guy can do to me.

Even if he kills me.

Besides, there's always the off chance you'll surprise yourself and him should he attempt physical aggression. And the judge will understand the meaning of "self-defense", especially if you have some witnesses around.

[Kate]

Relationships are very difficult and confusing. Many aspects of life are affected by relationships. Relationships with friends, family, co-workers, and most importantly, your significant other. Your relationship with your significant other, be it your spouse, fiancee or your boyfriend/girlfriend, affects nearly every aspect of your life. If your relationship is currently fine, then you are generally much happier and life goes smoothly. You are more productive, sleep better, are healthier, and generally more pleasant to be around.

If, however, your relationship is rocky and you are not on great terms with your significant other, then you are generally miserable and often stressed, which leads to health problems, lack of productivity, and not usually a fun person to be around. Most people become very unpleasant when their relationships have fallen upon hard times, depending on how strong the relationship is.Relationships control a large portion of your life. If you can't control your relationships, you will not be able to control your life. You can probably think of times when you had relationship issues and you could not focus on other aspects of your life. You couldn' t think clearly and you were constantly making irrational choices. You took out your frustration on other people, even though they did nothing to you. You were constantly stressed, and very unproductive. You knew you wouldn't be able to get anything done unless you solved your problems with your significant other. You may even be going through a time like that right now, and you are looking for a solution. You will need to fix your relationship before you can continue with your life.Many people go through this struggle, and I am here to help you to fight for your love.

To equip you with the proper arsenal so that you can confront your problems, solve your differences, and get your love back on track. You know that your relationship is affecting the rest of your life, and if you don't then you are naive, and no I don't care if that offends you. You need to realize that if your relationship is not doing well, then you either are completely shut off from the world, or you are taking it out on other people. It's human nature. It's not something you need to be ashamed of, but it is something you need to work towards to fix.

[Terry]

Thanks for the advice. It was very helpful