from promising to fwb's

[randzilla]

Ok so I've been dating a young girl she's 20. We have sex, go on dates, and generally have fun. So when we are together it's all good very affectionate all that. But when were apart she gets flaky and says sometimes she's not sure what she wants. So after discussing this with her I told her hey I'm gonna take all the pressure off of this situation and we can just be f*** buddies she agreed. Basically I'm gonna be dating other chicks and still having sex with her until I find her replacement or she wants something more. At this point I even wonder should even take her back if she decides I'm what she wants?

[Shirley]

If you still love her when she eventually realize what she wants, you can take her back. Otherwise, leave her and move on with your life.

[David]

Believe it or not, this can actually be one of the most intense and wonderful learning experiences in your dating and relationship life you've ever had and change the way you date all together!

Pay close attention!

Lesson #1: "Let's Be Friends" NOT!!
Once your soon-to-be-former sweetheart says those dreaded words, it's time to move on! Do not hang on! In my experience, it is not really a good idea to kid yourself into thinking you can 'be friends', when the whole point of the relationship in the first place was to move beyond friendship into a more intimately connected, monogamous, long-term relationship. Why stay involved with someone who's back out hunting for someone else? One of the greatest lines I ever heard was a girlfriend that replied, "No thanks, I have plenty of friends!" If you do remain 'friends' and the new love of your life shows up, consider how you will introduce her to this 'friend'. Inevitably, the question will arise, "Did you sleep together?" If you're prepared to honestly answer "yes" and deal with the fallout, then by all means, stay friends. My coaching advice? Stick to the platonic friends!

Lesson #2: Just because it feels good doesn't mean it's good for you.
Sexual intimacy is a wonderful component of a relationship! It's not only a way to express your 'deep love and trust', but a way to have pure relationship fun! Sex to simply satisfy those 'biochemical urges' is certainly not 'deep love'! At best, it's a physical connection that might convey 'I like you with a temporary 'feel good' result. However, ask yourself, "Is that a good enough reason to move quickly into a sexual relationship?" Never get sexually intimate before you are really ready. Think first. Think again. Act Last.

Lesson #3: Set Clear Expectations and Boundaries.
You can't take it back! Once you start having sexual relations, everything changes, and there's no going back. If you're not ready to reveal yourself, then don't! It is a wonderful compliment that your date wants to be intimate with you, but if the feeling is real, it will only grow with time. Setting clear boundaries is an important aspect of all relationships, especially one that might result in a lifetime commitment. If the respect to wait until you're ready is absent and you feel pressured to move before you're ready - end things. This is not a good sign for things to come!

Lesson #4: Take Your Time.
Getting involved in a new relationship is fun. It's a time to practice flirting, teasing and noticing the things that bring on the attention and affection of others! It's also an exciting time to learn how to stay balanced when you're off the charts with excitement, energy and risk-taking feelings! It gives the relationship time to build genuine trust and integrity is demonstrated each time you use your head to make a decision, rather than your basic impulse! This is the foundation of healthy relationships.

Lesson #5: Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder!
After a period of time, when you're away from each other, you'll both realize that is a kind of yearning and sense of 'missing each other! You find yourself daydreaming about your sweetheart and feeling warm and fuzzy thoughts - you know what I mean! It's an indescribable feeling that you only get when you've started integrating your life with your new partner. You'll create your unique ways of staying in touch, like texting, emailing, meeting for lunch, a drink after work, and most importantly - talking! Reunions, that is, reconnecting after an absence (short or long), should be exciting and energizing.

Lesson #6: Jealousy Is Not Allowed!
You both had lives before you met that involved people of both sexes. It's only human to want to have a wide network of friends and as you get to know each other, your friendships are still an important part of your life. As the relationship grows, there should be no secrets about who you are with and what you are doing together. When you are not together, you are not in control of who the other is with, what they say, and what they do. If you are non-trusting, insecure or carry baggage from 'ex' who cheated on you, jealousy can creep out or lunge forward and create a very ugly mess to clean up. Do not try to control and manage their time away from you. Express how much you miss them and love their return to you.

Lesson #7: 'Not That Into You'?
A friend is someone you have a platonic relationship with, no sex, no romantic kissing, no romantic involvement. Friends do have affectionate feelings toward each other, and longstanding emotional connections, but friends keep sex and or romance completely and totally out of the picture! When you want something really badly, you make every effort to get it or make it happen. If he or she is not that into you, you'll know it in your gut, because the relationship never crosses into that final frontier of romantic bliss and commitment. It just never happens. It's easy to kid yourself that it will and stay thinking that 'with time' it will happen. I refer to that as the state of total date delusion!

Friendship with sex is just that. Don't kid yourself.
Friendship with romantic love is just that. Don't kid yourself.
Friendship with a powerful emotional connection is just that. Don't kid yourself.

Lesson#8: Date Around! Date Other People!
Never, never have an exclusive relationship with someone unless it's time for a true commitment - meaning you are the one and only! Make plans to be with others; do not put your social life on hold. Go out on coffee dates, drinks after work, movies, book reviews, out for fun, anything that will keep you in the social scene enjoying life - otherwise you will end up sitting home waiting for 'the call', the 'text', the email, or even the knock on the door. Don't wait. Don't put your life on hold. If you're single and in the dating scene, enjoy yourself - be flirtatious, attractive, and even sexy - with other single, people of course!

Friendship is a unique relationship that must not be contaminated by the date delusion that you can be friends with someone who's rejected you or you've rejected. Stick with the real committed friends you currently have and move on to find the love of your life! Believe me, you'll be much happier and you will have opened the door to true authentic love and romance~ the kind that makes a long-term, monogamous, committed, exclusive, public relationship!

[randzilla]

Yeah I'm really into her but since she's at a stage of confusion I'm gonna back off and let her initiate contact. I am gonna date other women more so at this point so I'm not needy but if I find another amazing woman in the meantime then awesome.

[Zinok]

She's 20. You didn't say how old you are, but I assume you are at least some what significantly older. Of course she's going to be flakey and unsure about committing at that age. She's young and is transitioning from being a teen into being an adult and still figuring out who she is. I think you have the right idea when you say you're just going to give her some space to figure her stuff out. Trying to make her into a serious girlfriend when she's not ready to be serious would only explode in your face.