Confused about my BF behavior

[LVT777]

My BF and I have been dating for 6 months. Thing have moved quick as he asked me to be his GF after dating for 1.5 weeks. He said he loved me early but I didn’t say it back until I really felt it. I do love him but over time there are some things that make me curious about his behavior and if it is normal. We spend all most everyday together but we let each other have our space. I have noticed when I don’t see him in Saturday’s he will call a lot through the day or text he will usually convince me to come over. I don’t mind because I love being with him.

One of the examples of strange behavior is two nights ago I was rubbing his leg and I guess he didn’t like the way I did it. I accidentally pinched his skin. He got upset and said it’s like I have no common sense. He said I can be aloof and I accidentally hurt him because I wasn’t paying attention. He went on and when I tried to interject he snapped his fingers at me. After a while of him talking I got upset because of the way he was saying these things they weren’t really kind and I told him that. He then went on to say that I have no confidence in our relationship and that the only way he would break up with me is if I cheated or lied so I need to stop being so worried. He told me I’m too sensitive. I cried and shut down.

he tried to comfort me and was being sweet the next 2-3 days. The fact that he is so sweet after makes me think that this is my fault. There have been other issues like this where he may get upset about things I do like if I forget to turn the 2nd light off in the bathroom or things like that. He tells me he is willing to wait for me to learn how to do better. I feel like yes maybe it is my fault because I’m making mistakes and he gets so upset that I feel horrible for making him mad. I’m not sure if I’m wrong or he is just easy to get upset. I’m very confused and if anyone has advice I would appreciate it. He says all the time he wants to marry me but I want some advice on this. If you need more info let me know.
Thanks

[Anthonia]

You can understand and by doing so it can give you the knowledge you need to effectively deal with this difficult situation. Before your self esteem takes another step backwards, it's time for you to learn why your boyfriend seems to be your biggest critic.

There are several main reasons why men suddenly go from attentive, caring partners to overly critical ones.

He just doesn't care as much about you as he once did. Men will often start berating the woman they are involved with if some of the affection has disappeared. These men no longer feel a need to be compassionate and caring because they just don't worry about whether you're going to take it to heart or not. If you think back to when you and your guy first connected, he was likely complimentary about just about everything related to you. That's because he truly did love you for who you were and accepted everything about you even those small things you may consider flaws. Remember when he used to tell you that he loved that you snorted when you laughed or he found the clothes strewn everywhere in your apartment charming? Now those small issues are becoming fodder for his overly critical nature because he doesn't love you the way he once did.

His annoyance with you is a tool for his revenge. Most of us are great at holding a grudge. It's a natural talent that we all have if we feel we've been wronged. If you and your boyfriend had a drag out, no-holds barred argument and he feels that you got the upper hand, he may be resenting you. That resentment can manifest itself in many ways including coming out as annoyance. If all of this negative behavior on his part began after you two faced a major conflict that may be the culprit.

His own self esteem needs a boost. A lack of self esteem can make people do crazy things. It can cause people to act out by dressing provocatively in an effort to get attention. Some people become loud and obnoxious just because they crave to be the center of attention. Berating others is another coping tool that some individuals use to boost up their own self esteem. They may not even realize they are doing it which could be the case with your boyfriend. This sometimes happens if a couple is a bit mismatched. For instance, if the woman is drop dead gorgeous and her boyfriend is lacking in looks, he may take to demeaning her to make himself feel more attractive. It happens as well if the woman is more intellectually gifted or has a more vibrant personality. If his ego is lacking and your presence makes him feel even smaller, he may subconsciously feel the need to cut you down just to feel accepting of who he is.

He truly is bothered by some of the things you choose to do. You'd be hard pressed to find anyone in this big, wide world who would define the word "perfect." Perfection is an illusion and fortunately none of us are so short sighted that we can't see and embrace our flaws. If you are doing things that you know get under your boyfriend's skin, he may be somewhat justified in getting annoyed with you. Take for instance if you tend to play your music loudly when you're working out while he's simply trying to work. Or maybe you're notoriously bad at remembering to put things away where they belong. If your boyfriend has pet peeves and you don't respect them, he may feel justified in getting upset with you. Consider whether you're pushing him in a negative way before he sounds off at you.

Regardless of why your boyfriend is annoyed with you frequently, don't allow it to rule the relationship. Also, don't permit his insults or opinion to influence you in any negative way. Our partner's view of us can define who we are and sadly, if their view isn't a complimentary one, it can damage self esteem in very detrimental ways.

[Scot]

After reading all you have written, I can confidently say that your boyfriend truly loves you but easily get upset. This is a behavior he has of easily getting upset, however, you can do something about it to change him.

All you need to do is to bring it to his consciousness that you aren't happy with such behavior. I know he will put in effort to change his attitude.

[smackie9]

Sorry to say this but this is the behavior of an abuser. He belittles you, make you feel guilt, and it confuses you. It's pure manipulation to put you in a position of having you under his control. Some would say I'm over exaggerating alerting you, but I have been there. As I read through your post I just got that sick feel that I always get from reliving my experience. You know he is being unfair to you, and don't let your feelings cloud what you are seeing. I get it, you want the ability to get that control back and show him he is being unreasonable, but all I can say good luck with that. He will be sweet and make you think he will stop with this behavior, but it's a cycle that will repeat itself over and over. He is conditioning you to take all the blame and as a reward he will keep loving you. It's a sick pattern I know all too well.