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Can one say he likes me? and should I confess him in love?

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  • Can one say he likes me? and should I confess him in love?

    I crashed on my former professor. I am 22 y.o and he is 33 y.o. He is a chemist scientist who spends most of his life on research, publishing articles, and making experiments. As I know he doesn’t have neither wife nor girlfriend. He was never married. He doesn’t drink alcohol. He is very responsible and self-controlling person. I am not sure about whether he ever had a girlfriend?

    When I was taking his class, he helped me a lot; he was always looking at me during class time; he was joking a lot and looking the way I reacted to it, he was teasing me and I just naturally felt his strong attraction to me. My best friend also noticed his special attitude to me. However, after a couple of time, my professor told me that I lack life experience. At that time I didn’t seriously take it. Then I realized what he meant. He actually was saying that I am immature and probably childish for him. But still even after passing his course I saw him in the uni and kind of felt his attraction to me.

    I also started to study French and thus asked him for a help. He comes from French region of Belgium. He agreed to help me. However, I was waiting for him for about 4 weeks until he assigns a lesson. I requested a friendship on facebook and accidentally liked one of his posts. After which he blocked me!!!!! At that time I saw I annoyed him probably and just stopped taking to him. However, then I accidentally met him in the uni and asked when will be our French lesson. He told me that he had a a lot of work and that he will give a lesson later as he promised me. Eventually, that day came out. I thought me and he will be alone and speaking French, etc.......... but guess what he did????? he invited to our class HIS COLLEAGUE who is also a French-native speaker. So the three of us went to a coffee house and talked in French. When introducing me to his colleague, my professor told that I am seeking a husband in France; to which I rashly responded that I am not going to marry in my next 10 years because I want to make my career ( I am from very traditional central asian country where girls usually marry early). He was laughing at it and during our conversation he mentioned again about marriage. I don’t know was it a sign ? But he always teased me, so I didn’t pay attention.

    Also, I noticed that when we are alone, both of us feel a bit awkward when it comes to speak about something different from lectures or class.

    Once me and my mother went to a restaurant where he was sitting with his friends and colleagues. He noticed me and got scared. At first I didn’t notice him but then I felt that someone was staring at me and then hiding after the door. They were sitting in one private room, so when they finished, he went out and wanted to pass unnoticed. Then I saw him and said hi and then introduced my mother to him. He turned red and was very shy. Even my mom noticed it and told me that my professor is very shy. All those small occasions showed me that he is not indifferent to me.

    My feelings grew up to him every day. But then I suddenly heart that he is leaving because he accepted a new position in other uni in London. I was very sad about it. I decided to forget him. However, I failed.

    After half a year he came to our uni again because of his work and gave a lecture as a guest in our uni to which I came. And guess what? I still like him. He was again looking at me, smiling, joking a lot and teasing. I also tried to speak to him Russian (which is my native language). I know that he learned Russian and wanted to practice it. However, he didn't speak to me in Russian, he always returns to English. I thought he hesitates to speak to me Russian because he doesn't want me to see his mistakes. He arrived only for one week and then left a couple of months ago. I added him as a friend on facebook which he approved this time! Yayyyyyyy!!!!!

    I recently graduated from that uni and now I am planning to proceed my studying in London for the reasons not related to him (not in the uni where he works). The fact that he lives there now pushes me to try to start relationships with him. I really do like him a lot. I want to know him better. But from his side there was no initiative which I explained to myself as his shyness or uncertainty and also academic restrictions on the romantic relationships between prof and students.

    So I also still have doubts about whether he likes me too or not???? or it was just my fantasy or imagination(hahahah). Can you help me by giving me advice whether it is ok if I take initiative and start dating him ??????? Do I need to confess in love to him or I need to keep silence and wait his confession ???And what kind of tips can you give me?????

  • #2
    Start out slow, and be friends first. Ask him out for lunch.
    Last edited by smackie9; 06-17-2018, 06:46 PM.

    Comment


    • DonnaBella
      DonnaBella commented
      Editing a comment
      that's a great idea! but how can I show him that I am mature enough and want to start serious relationships with him?

  • #3
    He definitely still likes you, hence he was still staring at you when he came to your uni. However, if he truly wants to be with you he should be the one to put in effort to get you. You mustn't make any effort to get him.

    Comment


    • DonnaBella
      DonnaBella commented
      Editing a comment
      that's true! I agree with you! but then I need to just wait for him??? how then can we start dating? and how can I show him that I want to start serious relationships with him???

  • #4
    It's true that he still has feelings for you, but you musn't make any initiative to start dating him. This is because if you initiate a date it will make you lose you worth, and you are going to appear desperate. This will make you look unattractive to him.

    Comment


    • DonnaBella
      DonnaBella commented
      Editing a comment
      but then I need to just wait? what can I do to show him that I am mature enough and I want to start serious relationships with him????

  • #5
    I don't agree with this 'You can't make any of the first moves or put in any effort' stuff because then how can he tell if you're interested or if you will give him your time? Anyone who likes you should like you for who you are and appreciate if you're the sort of person who is inclined to nudge things along.

    That said, I feel as if he has reasons that you aren't able to be aware of to keep his distance from you. He definitely isn't responding well to advances and this whole thing gives me the vibe that he's uncomfortable with his own feelings in you. Maybe he likes you, but he's worried over how young you are, and your lack of life experience makes him feel like there will be imbalance in a relationship with you?

    The best thing to do is to first be his friend. No flirts for the sake of them, no suggestive lead up, just get to spend time with him. Get to know his friends outside of work. Figure out what he wants in life and let him know what your own wants are. If he sees that you're compatible as long-term type friends then this may ease his apprehensions over dating you? If he pursues you though, go for it!! Don't hold back and miss your shot.

    Comment


    • DonnaBella
      DonnaBella commented
      Editing a comment
      but how to become friends with him? as you said before, I shouldn't make first moves or put any effort) he won't write me by himself - this is for sure!

  • #6
    Ah no, I meant you shouldn't come on strong with flirts and things like that. Feel free to drop things like "I'm going out with friends to xyz, want to grab a bite there with us?" or if you find something you have in common outside of languages and school, talk about it with him. If he asks about the closeness just say you appreciate him as a person and the quality of your conversations. Just don't hit on him or bring up romance a lot. I know I had been fine with this one boy swinging by my work daily, talking about comics with me and asking me if I could help him with his social skills, but he asked me out twice (both times I said I wasn't interested in him that way) and when I gave him a shot in hanging out with him outside of my work place he said I seemed /interested/ in him and that was it. It just became too awkward to be near a person who couldn't let me just be a friend. So... that's the sort of line I mean you shouldn't cross <3 He needs to see you as a person he can open up to, not someone he needs to be on guard with to 'control' your feelings for him and keep those feelings at bay.

    Comment


    • #7
      I am not sure he wants to start anything with you at the moment if only because he thinks you're too young. I'm sure he's aware of your crush, because he would have to be blind not to be. If he's 33, he should be able to ask you out if he really wanted to. I guess you can get to know him (and vice versa) on social media, and you can go from there. Don't push. Just keep in touch and be mindful of what you post on social media.

      Comment


      • #8

        You, by asking him out, lets him know your interest in him. You go out, talk and get to know one another. If he is responsive, smiles and laughs a lot, and asks you for your number, there's a chance he will ask you out on a date. This is why we date....to see if there is attraction, have the same interests, and if chemistry develops. You can't force a relaitonship out of it. It has to happen on it's own.

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