Is this just a hookup?!

[Gillie320]

I can't tell the difference if this is a hook up or if this guy is interested!

So not too long ago I kicked my ex out, and started talking to this guy I have always been interested in. Totally enfatuated with the guy. Definitely got my hopes up that of all people HE started talking to me. We text everyday (not every moment but consecutively about how our days are what we are doing etc) he'll text me good morning, things like that. (Even though sometimes instead of answering me I'll see him posting on social media or he'll go hours inbetween answering- but trying not to get too crazy with that) There is no flirting in texts it is VERY casual, a bit in the beginning but none now. If anything the conversations are pretty boring at times.

We met in person for the first time grabbed drinks and he kissed me. We tried making plans a few times after that during the week and they fell through. Eventually we hung out again, I met some of his friends, he kissed me infront of them, he'll put his arm around me infront of them etc. We did end up having sex the second time I saw him. (He gave me the option to stay at his place or go out and I'm stupid and said let's stay in)

So far we've only ever hung out either at his place alone or with his friends or at his friends place once. Each time we end up having sex though. I've even stopped over on a weekend night. I've seen him about 5 times within the whole month we've been talking.

In person he is so sweet. He kisses me, cuddles me, holds my hand, kisses my head, etc. He has asked about me to some of his friends who know me. I am 24 and he is 30.

I am getting thrown off because so far as of lately he asks me to hang out usually later at night when he's home from work, and I've only ever gone to him so far. 1st weekend we grabbed drinks, 2nd weekend I saw him Saturday Sunday Monday and slept over, 3rd weekend I saw him Saturday and slept over again. It's only been a few weeks of talking but still.. I hint to him that I want to grab drinks and hang out and he has said we'll grab drinks soon. But as of right now I'm just getting SO thrown off. Why text me everyday but not flirt with me? Im nervous we'll never like go out and it's keep going to his house and hooking up...

I cant tell if he's just keeping me around by talking every day or genuinely busy with his own life and taking things slow?

[smackie9]

You are FWB. Yes that's right friends who have sex.

[Gillie320]

I was hoping we would keep seeing each other and if we got along well something would come of it! I'm not used to this casual sex casual "dating" or "talking" to someone thing. It's really messing with me!

[Nicolas]

You obviously had sex with him too son. You didn't allow the relationship to grow naturally and get to know each other better before diving to sex. So, he now keeps you around just for sex and nothing more.

The only way to stop this is to stop going to his house and insist on hanging out outside his house. Also, make it a point never to sleep over at his house. You can resume doing these thing only if he has proven his love for you and want to fight for the relationship.

[Stella]

Although intimacy is a crucial and enjoyable part of any romantic relationship it can also make it or break it. The problem with sleeping with a man too soon after meeting is that he'll make some very unflattering assumptions about you. It doesn't matter how much he wanted the intimacy and how desperately he pursued you for it. Once you sleep with him, all of that desire will be satiated and he'll focus more on the fact that you were so open so soon.

Men tend to be quite territorial and if they sense that you're as willing to make love with all your dates so soon in the relationship, that's a huge turn off for them. Just as women want to feel special when they start dating a new guy, he wants very much to feel the same thing with her.

So is there a way to back peddle and correct a mistake like this? There absolutely is. If you feel now that you slept with him too soon and he's dropped off your radar, you have to act quickly. Although you may feel compelled to call him up and try and explain your behavior, don't do that. If you do, you're just pointing a huge spotlight at it. That will only serve to remind him of the fact that you were willing to have sex without really knowing him.

You need to move the relationship's focus from one of sex to one of mutual friendship. You have to take intimacy out of the equation for the time being. For now, you need to put any romantic or desirous feelings you have for him aside. If you sleep with him again now, you'll only prove his point that sex is your main focus.

Call him up and invite him out for a casual lunch or dinner. Treat him as a friend and ensure that at the end of the date, you don't end up in his bed. Make a strong effort to get him engaged in interesting discussion so he can start to view you as someone who is multi-faceted. You need that to happen if you hope to have a chance at a well developed and balanced relationship with him.

Re-introduce intimacy once you feel things are on better footing. Once he sees that there's more to you than just someone who enjoys lovemaking, he'll be much more open to a relationship with you.

[Gillie320]

Thank you for the input everyone! We have plans to hang out today but again it is at his parents house who are out of town, and I turned down a few times he asked me to come over at like 10 at night.. I plan on asking him something along the lines of what his intentions are? I agree I don't want to put a spotlight on the fact that I slept with him too soon, but I want him to know that that's not what I want- but I also don't want to scare him off and make it awkward? Not sure how to say that!?

[Gillie320]

WELP I saw him, first day he hasent texted me first or goodmorning so I was all upset all day until I gathered the courage to text him first but not until like 9 at night...I ended up going to his place again since he had friends over. I joked that he needs to come to my place since I always go to him, he opened up and ended up saying that he wanted to wait a bit because he didn't want my ex to show up while he's there (which I reassured him would not happen)
we had sex again once everyone left. Before I left as he was kissing me goodbye I was so nervous so I don't remember exactly what was said but I gathered the courage to say "I've been meaning to ask, are you looking to continue to just keep hooking up? Or.... because every time I see you it's always at your place and like 10 at night" (trying to make it seem like I just don't want to be just a botycall and not so much like date me date right now) which he joked and said "well you were the one to hit me up at 9 tonight" and ended up saying " I'd be down to hang out during the daylight"

He ended up saying something like "*something something sonething* I don't have time for that right now" (meaning a relationship) which I was totally understanding with because I know he has a busy life, I just didn't want to be JUST a booty call. But he did say after that "if it makes you feel any better you're the only one/person/girl I'm talking to right now"

And that was that. I texted him when I got home saying I didn't mean to just spring that on him I just wanted to know I didn't want to come off the wrong way at first. And now he's texting me as per usual.. not too sure how to feel about this?