Is it necessary to feel a spark?

[Penguin99]

I find myself in a difficult and confusing situation at the moment with a guy I have known for about 2 years.

When I knew him previously, we met up occasionally for sex only. There was little talking or effort on either side to get to know each other. He then moved away for work. During that time, we spoke very little - he had his first relationship with a man which ended recently and has affected him a lot. He decided to move home to be back closer to friends and family.

Two weeks ago he came back over to mine - it was going to be like all the times before (over a year ago) or so I thought. But it wasn't. For me something was there that wasn't there before and instead of just sex we were cuddling, talking, lying watching tv together, kissing Etc. As well as this we have been texting every day whereas before it would have been maybe once every month or two months.

I do feel a spark with him that I never felt before. There's clearly a connection. I decided to tell him this and he explained that he is enjoying spending time together but that he doesn't feel that initial spark/instant obsession.

I will continue seeing him (and I know I will end up hurt but at least I'm prepared for that) It got me to thinking though - to everyone out there. How important is an initial spark to you? By which I mean butterflies, that awful yet amazing feeling where almost immediately you feel a connection and that you have to be near that person. Do you think it's necessary before you would date someone and do you think it signifies a relationship would work or do you think they aren't related?

Personally, I have had it both ways - where i was head over heels from the start and also where I was dating someone and it slowly built into complete love (over weeks/ months). In fact (for me) when it is head over heels from the beginning it seems to mess up more/quicker.

Really interested to hear your experiences

[Michael]

I decided to tell him this and he explained that he is enjoying spending time together but that he doesn't feel that initial spark/instant obsession.

He's simply letting you know that he doesn't love you. So, instead of waiting to get hurt, why don't you leave now and save yourself from a heartbreak.

[Bella]

Do you think it's necessary before you would date someone and do you think it signifies a relationship would work or do you think they aren't related?

It's depends on the individual, but generally it's important for men. For men, if the initial spark isn't there that relationship might never work.

However, it's better to build a relationship and grow the love rather than having an initial spark. Relationship that are built gradually hardly ever fails.