He said he wanted a relationship, but now he's too busy

[patatipatata]

I met a guy on an online dating site, we exchanged a few messages, had a phone call and he asked me out on a date.

The date went really well, we have lots in common, and I really felt a connection there. He said he felt the same, and that he wanted to see me again, asked if I wanted to see him again and I said yes.

He then sent me a message the next day, again saying he wants to see me again sometime. And then stopped messaging and went silent. After a few days, I thought that was weird and sent him a message asking if he's ok since I haven't heard from him in a few days (please notice that before our date he was texting me veeeerryyyy long messages every day and also talking on the phone).

He responded immediately to my message, saying he's been really busy, hectic schedule, blablabla. And that he would like to see me sometime and speak soon.

I didn't know what to think at this point, since I dated before, and I know that when a guy is into you, he doesn't say he wants to see you "sometime", he actually plans a day and time to see you. And he also stays in contact, even if it's just a quick message because he's busy.

Anyway, since I met him, "busy" has been the keyword he says all the time. It kinda just puts you off.

I decided to tell him that I have my own life too, but that I am ready to make time for dating and a relationship, and want someone on the same page. Told him that when he says he's so busy, it makes me wonder if he's really interested.

And told him that yes, he did say he has a busy life, but he also said he wants and is ready for a relationship. To me, this equals to: "I have a busy life but I'm prepared to make dating and a relationship a priority".

Well, it seems that in reality he's not ready to do that, and just wants things on his own terms and when it suits him. So, I told him I don't wish to see him again. He didn't like it, as he said he wanted to see me again and get to know me, but I felt his approach would hurt me in the long run. He also said he can't offer me anything more at this point. I want someone who is truly available, especially mentally and emotionally.

I feel a bit sad now to be honest, because I did really like him and felt we did have a connection. I was excited to see him again soon, but all the "busyness" and silence from him just put me off and I felt I've had to do the best for me.

What can you tell me about this?

[Anthonia]

I was excited to see him again soon, but all the "busyness" and silence from him just put me off and I felt I've had to do the best for me.

You have made the right decision by telling him you don't want to see him again. He has obviously met another girl, and that explains why his attention is divided and can't give you all his attention. So, he's probably still keeping you around as a fall back girl.

It wise you left him now, else you will eventually get hurt by him.

[patatipatata]

Yeah, he might have met another girl, or he might have a lot of stuff going on in his life and dating comes as priority 100, contrary to what he said on our date.

I have a feeling he is a selfish emotionally unavailable guy who wants a fall back girl to whenever suits him. Not me, sorry not sorry.

[Scot]

I decided to tell him that I have my own life too, but that I am ready to make time for dating and a relationship, and want someone on the same page.

You shouldn't have told him this, because it made your appear desperate.

I think you put a lot of pressure on him, hence he was turned off by you. It's also possible that he wasn't interested in you anymore, but you should have stayed calm and never vent your desperation.

[patatipatata]

What desperation? I just picked up his bullshit and told him that straight out to his face. lol

Actually, he was the one telling me that on our date! He told me he is ready and want dating and a relationship. So, at the time, I believed him and was expecting his behaviour to be from someone whose actions match his words.

I was the one turned off by him and telling him goodbye, not him. So no desperation here. And he can f*** off if he felt any "pressure". Lesson learned for him, next time he is with a real woman and not a girl, don't tell her you're ready for a relationship because she will make you match your words or you're out.