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Hi everyone. So, here's a bit of a difficult one. So a bit of advice please.
I (38M) am at present going into month 6 with a lovely woman (30F). She is amazing and I can really see a very long term future here. The feeling is mutual.
However, a big problem is her mother. At present they share a home (her mom is also single and it works for them financially). Now, it has come to the point that the mom is completely dependant on her for the most part, even so that when my GF isn't home, the mom can't even prepare food for herself. The mom is a fully capable 59yr old, so she is no way affected by sickness or poor health, runs a small business from home and has her own car. Mom is essentially a recluse as well.
It's such that, for instance, over weekends the mom would phone her while we are out to request food or even recently toilet paper (yes, really) from her. We live in the city so basically every amenity is a 2min drive in any direction. I know it grates my GF tremendously, but I also understand that it is her mom after all. But it's reaching boiling point.
We've recently started having discussions about future plans and moving in together. She discussed the plans with her mom as they are currently living together and of course arrangements will change, but, the mom decided to guilt trip her citing that she doesn't know what will happen to her (mom) then etc etc etc. GF was of course upset.
I outlined to GF that, although I have the fullest appreciation for the situation, that I cannot be a part of something such as this, fearing that when we do eventually take that step (co-habitation, marriage), I will be left hanging cos of issues with her mom. Family comes first, but there are also boundaries and this situation has none.
It really feels/appears like her mom is trying to keep her daughter in a box as to not live life and be free and be a hermit like she is. It's a difficult situation as I don't want to say too much and have GF feel that I am trying to turn her against her mom because I really am not, however, I also am well aware of what I want in a relationship and this kind of thing isn't it. I have expressed this to GF and she understands. Yet, it's still a tough one.
Any advice? Thank you guys in advance.
I (38M) am at present going into month 6 with a lovely woman (30F). She is amazing and I can really see a very long term future here. The feeling is mutual.
However, a big problem is her mother. At present they share a home (her mom is also single and it works for them financially). Now, it has come to the point that the mom is completely dependant on her for the most part, even so that when my GF isn't home, the mom can't even prepare food for herself. The mom is a fully capable 59yr old, so she is no way affected by sickness or poor health, runs a small business from home and has her own car. Mom is essentially a recluse as well.
It's such that, for instance, over weekends the mom would phone her while we are out to request food or even recently toilet paper (yes, really) from her. We live in the city so basically every amenity is a 2min drive in any direction. I know it grates my GF tremendously, but I also understand that it is her mom after all. But it's reaching boiling point.
We've recently started having discussions about future plans and moving in together. She discussed the plans with her mom as they are currently living together and of course arrangements will change, but, the mom decided to guilt trip her citing that she doesn't know what will happen to her (mom) then etc etc etc. GF was of course upset.
I outlined to GF that, although I have the fullest appreciation for the situation, that I cannot be a part of something such as this, fearing that when we do eventually take that step (co-habitation, marriage), I will be left hanging cos of issues with her mom. Family comes first, but there are also boundaries and this situation has none.
It really feels/appears like her mom is trying to keep her daughter in a box as to not live life and be free and be a hermit like she is. It's a difficult situation as I don't want to say too much and have GF feel that I am trying to turn her against her mom because I really am not, however, I also am well aware of what I want in a relationship and this kind of thing isn't it. I have expressed this to GF and she understands. Yet, it's still a tough one.
Any advice? Thank you guys in advance.
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