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I’m 35 years old. Prior to a few months ago had never dated before, and I’m still a virgin. I’m physically debilitated with arthritis,marginally employed in a call center, live with my father, have no social life and few hobbies, and have been depressed for years.
This year, I started at a new call center, where I met a woman named Sarah. She’s 40, a single mother, very attractive, sexy, and intelligent, and a brilliant conversationalist with a wicked wit. She is very sexually experienced and has led an interesting and varied life. From the start she was flirtatious with me at work, but I ignored her and shut her down because I was intimidated by her. In secret, I very attracted to her, and over time this developed into a huge crush, but I never would have approached because I considered her smarter and wittier than me to the point of being out of my league.
One night in late May, she sent me a friend request on Facebook and came on to me hard. She confessed that she was very attracted to me and and that the fact that I ignored her drove her crazy and made her desperate for my attention. She had been single and celebate for several years and wanted to start dating again. She didn’t say what kind of relationship she wanted, but her statements were replete with sexual innuendo. As usual, I shut her down, insisted that we were not a good match, and explained the circumstance of my life that make me feel unable to date. During that conversation, I did admitted that I was attracted to her. Over the next two weeks, we kept talking, and against my judgment I eventually agreed to go out with her.
Over the next five weeks, we went on five 1-1 dates and she also included me in several group get-togethers with her crew of co-worker friends. The dates ranged from comically bad to great. She always led the conversation, but I would find ways to chime in and ask questions to keep her going. We texted every day. At work, we spent lunches and breaks together, worked overtime together several nights a week, and toward the end started carpooling. We were never an item, and I felt that we never connected romantically because she was too much stronger and we were too different. Still, we were something more than friends and we were definitely attracted to each other. I never understood what she saw in me, but she did show sincere signs of interest. I didn’t consider a relationship realistic; my goal was to have fun for a few months and sleep with her before things would inevitably fizzle out.
While we had some good times together, due to my inexperience with women, I made constant, serious mistakes in dealing with her. The worst of which was that I was timid to the point that I acted like a platonic friend most of the time, and only rarely showed any signs of attraction and sexual interest. She would flirt with me, but I would rarely flirt back. When she talked sex, my replied were tepid to negative. I almost always made her initiate and lead everything we did. When we found out that our call center would be shut down at the end of May, she I started stressing and leaning on her emotionally, and my attitude and outlook on life became very negative.
In the final week of our relationship before she went cold, she made several statements indicating that she was willing to take my virginity. One day, I made a joke about being a virgin, and she said “we could change that.” A few days later, she took me to an outdoor picnic bench to have lunch, where she took off her outer layer and revealed a low cut wrap with ample cleavage on display. She said she wanted to talk about sex. That day she invited me to a three day country music festival called Watershed. She knew I didn’t care for country, but wanted me to keep the other guys off her, and promised to have sex with me at the campground if I went with her. I told her I’d think about it and get back to her (yeah..). A few days later while at dinner, she gushed to our female co-worker that she wanted to have sex with me, and I replied “I can’t even imagine us kissing, let alone having sex.” The next day she told me she was offended by this comment and I took it back, but I guess the damage was done.
On the final day before she went cold, I had been particularly angry about a bad call at work and walked off the floor early in a minor tantrum, which she witnessed. I had driven her to work that day, and I asked her if she could get a ride home with one of our other friends so I could leave. She said she’d have no problem finding a ride, but that she would never carpool with me again if I abandoned her. I did leave early, but waited in the parking lot for her shift to end so I could give her a ride. Still, she later told me that she took great offense to my willingness to ditch her. That evening she had me drop her off at the end of her driveway rather than to her front door door and told me she was “drained” with my negativity. That marked the point when she started going cold.
After that night, there was a conspicuous change in her behavior toward me. She greatly reduced how often she initiated texting with me, and her replies to my texts became much shorter. The following week she stopped carpooling with me, stopped offering to hangout after work, and stopped flirting. She didn’t say anything, but she was quietly rejecting and friendzoning me. I went along with it and acted like I was unbothered. The colder she got, the more acted like I only took us as platonic friends in the first place. For the next three weeks, I continued orbiting her, acting like more of a “nice guy” than ever. I even sent a text saying “I hope we stay friends and hang out occasionally after the site closes.” All that time I was trying to come up with the balls to talk to her and ask her out again, but the writing was on the wall that she had lost interest, so I never did. One week before Watershed, I asked her if she still wanted me to go with her, and she said she had cancelled her plans to attend.
The first Friday of August, and the weekend of Watershed, she shared in our group text (which included us and three other co-workers) that she planned to have someone over to her house that night for drinks and sex. Whoever that someone was, it wasn’t me. She had kept her plans to break her celibacy streak that weekend, but replaced me with someone else. I don’t know whether she thought it wouldn’t bother me or just didn’t care about my feelings. She's never been cruel, so I lean toward thinking she actually bought into my BS about only wanting to be friends. In any case, the fact that she was sleeping with someone else devastated me utterly. In my whacked out emotional state, I drove past her house that night, and there was a strange car parker in her driveway. It was the most painful thing I’ve ever experienced.
At that point, I stopped acting like a friend, stopped texting her and removed myself from the group text. Ignoring her hasn’t done shit. We’ve only spoken twice in the month since then, and while she is friendly, she shows an utter lack of interest in me. She hasn’t even asked me where I’m working now. I have no idea what’s going on in her personal life. She doesn’t contact me unless it’s to invite me to hang out with her group of co-workers. She clearly has no interest in hanging out 1-1.
I think about her constantly and kick myself 24/7 for how I acted. I don’t know if acting differently would have allowed me to get farther with her, maybe she would have rejected me by now anyway, but I truly believe I could have at least had sex with her. Now I know how the standard advice goes: “move on.” I would really love to. The problem is that I don’t believe I’ll ever have a chance with someone I’m this attracted to ever again. In the last 10 years, I’ve met two women I like, and one whom I had any kind of realistic chance with. I have it bad for her. Lightning struck here for me when an incredibly sexy woman threw herself at me and I didn’t have to do any work, but I blew it because I didn’t know what the FUCK I was doing.
Is there any chance of recovery here? Any chance of re-attracting this woman now or in the future?
This year, I started at a new call center, where I met a woman named Sarah. She’s 40, a single mother, very attractive, sexy, and intelligent, and a brilliant conversationalist with a wicked wit. She is very sexually experienced and has led an interesting and varied life. From the start she was flirtatious with me at work, but I ignored her and shut her down because I was intimidated by her. In secret, I very attracted to her, and over time this developed into a huge crush, but I never would have approached because I considered her smarter and wittier than me to the point of being out of my league.
One night in late May, she sent me a friend request on Facebook and came on to me hard. She confessed that she was very attracted to me and and that the fact that I ignored her drove her crazy and made her desperate for my attention. She had been single and celebate for several years and wanted to start dating again. She didn’t say what kind of relationship she wanted, but her statements were replete with sexual innuendo. As usual, I shut her down, insisted that we were not a good match, and explained the circumstance of my life that make me feel unable to date. During that conversation, I did admitted that I was attracted to her. Over the next two weeks, we kept talking, and against my judgment I eventually agreed to go out with her.
Over the next five weeks, we went on five 1-1 dates and she also included me in several group get-togethers with her crew of co-worker friends. The dates ranged from comically bad to great. She always led the conversation, but I would find ways to chime in and ask questions to keep her going. We texted every day. At work, we spent lunches and breaks together, worked overtime together several nights a week, and toward the end started carpooling. We were never an item, and I felt that we never connected romantically because she was too much stronger and we were too different. Still, we were something more than friends and we were definitely attracted to each other. I never understood what she saw in me, but she did show sincere signs of interest. I didn’t consider a relationship realistic; my goal was to have fun for a few months and sleep with her before things would inevitably fizzle out.
While we had some good times together, due to my inexperience with women, I made constant, serious mistakes in dealing with her. The worst of which was that I was timid to the point that I acted like a platonic friend most of the time, and only rarely showed any signs of attraction and sexual interest. She would flirt with me, but I would rarely flirt back. When she talked sex, my replied were tepid to negative. I almost always made her initiate and lead everything we did. When we found out that our call center would be shut down at the end of May, she I started stressing and leaning on her emotionally, and my attitude and outlook on life became very negative.
In the final week of our relationship before she went cold, she made several statements indicating that she was willing to take my virginity. One day, I made a joke about being a virgin, and she said “we could change that.” A few days later, she took me to an outdoor picnic bench to have lunch, where she took off her outer layer and revealed a low cut wrap with ample cleavage on display. She said she wanted to talk about sex. That day she invited me to a three day country music festival called Watershed. She knew I didn’t care for country, but wanted me to keep the other guys off her, and promised to have sex with me at the campground if I went with her. I told her I’d think about it and get back to her (yeah..). A few days later while at dinner, she gushed to our female co-worker that she wanted to have sex with me, and I replied “I can’t even imagine us kissing, let alone having sex.” The next day she told me she was offended by this comment and I took it back, but I guess the damage was done.
On the final day before she went cold, I had been particularly angry about a bad call at work and walked off the floor early in a minor tantrum, which she witnessed. I had driven her to work that day, and I asked her if she could get a ride home with one of our other friends so I could leave. She said she’d have no problem finding a ride, but that she would never carpool with me again if I abandoned her. I did leave early, but waited in the parking lot for her shift to end so I could give her a ride. Still, she later told me that she took great offense to my willingness to ditch her. That evening she had me drop her off at the end of her driveway rather than to her front door door and told me she was “drained” with my negativity. That marked the point when she started going cold.
After that night, there was a conspicuous change in her behavior toward me. She greatly reduced how often she initiated texting with me, and her replies to my texts became much shorter. The following week she stopped carpooling with me, stopped offering to hangout after work, and stopped flirting. She didn’t say anything, but she was quietly rejecting and friendzoning me. I went along with it and acted like I was unbothered. The colder she got, the more acted like I only took us as platonic friends in the first place. For the next three weeks, I continued orbiting her, acting like more of a “nice guy” than ever. I even sent a text saying “I hope we stay friends and hang out occasionally after the site closes.” All that time I was trying to come up with the balls to talk to her and ask her out again, but the writing was on the wall that she had lost interest, so I never did. One week before Watershed, I asked her if she still wanted me to go with her, and she said she had cancelled her plans to attend.
The first Friday of August, and the weekend of Watershed, she shared in our group text (which included us and three other co-workers) that she planned to have someone over to her house that night for drinks and sex. Whoever that someone was, it wasn’t me. She had kept her plans to break her celibacy streak that weekend, but replaced me with someone else. I don’t know whether she thought it wouldn’t bother me or just didn’t care about my feelings. She's never been cruel, so I lean toward thinking she actually bought into my BS about only wanting to be friends. In any case, the fact that she was sleeping with someone else devastated me utterly. In my whacked out emotional state, I drove past her house that night, and there was a strange car parker in her driveway. It was the most painful thing I’ve ever experienced.
At that point, I stopped acting like a friend, stopped texting her and removed myself from the group text. Ignoring her hasn’t done shit. We’ve only spoken twice in the month since then, and while she is friendly, she shows an utter lack of interest in me. She hasn’t even asked me where I’m working now. I have no idea what’s going on in her personal life. She doesn’t contact me unless it’s to invite me to hang out with her group of co-workers. She clearly has no interest in hanging out 1-1.
I think about her constantly and kick myself 24/7 for how I acted. I don’t know if acting differently would have allowed me to get farther with her, maybe she would have rejected me by now anyway, but I truly believe I could have at least had sex with her. Now I know how the standard advice goes: “move on.” I would really love to. The problem is that I don’t believe I’ll ever have a chance with someone I’m this attracted to ever again. In the last 10 years, I’ve met two women I like, and one whom I had any kind of realistic chance with. I have it bad for her. Lightning struck here for me when an incredibly sexy woman threw herself at me and I didn’t have to do any work, but I blew it because I didn’t know what the FUCK I was doing.
Is there any chance of recovery here? Any chance of re-attracting this woman now or in the future?
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