Am I only a fantasy?

[Lilla]

Hey everyone,

my life has changed a lot in the past 3 years and I'm in a situation what's new to me.

I'm 36 and I've been single for a while and very picky when it comes to dating. I had a share of adventures in the past few years, but nothing more.

Now a lot of married men and men in serious relationships are interested and show how much they are attracted to me and care for me. (That's a no go for me.) But as soon as they are single, they don't seem to care anymore. Other single men prefer adventures, but no relationships.

Usually people say I'm caring, good at heart, intelligent, with a sarcastic sense of humour. I've a good job, also very active in politics and arts.

Why single men don't consider me as an option?

Thanks in advance
Lilla

[Becky]

This is only in your mind. This is how you think, hence you single men don't consider you.

You need to be confident about yourself, because your self-confidence is what attracts men to you.

Most of us don't tend to examine how we form feelings of attraction. All we know is that we feel an irresistible force drawing us closer to another person.

Many more factors are at work in creating attraction than the obvious traits of appearance, personality, and sexual chemistry. I'm going to share four crucial factors that create attraction and tell you what they mean for YOU.

First of all, let me clarify something. Attractiveness is not simply a measure of objectively "attractive" traits in a person. No one is ever attractive on their own; they're always attractive TO someone. For example, when you look in the mirror, you decide whether or not you are attractive to yourself. This doesn't mean that someone else will look at you and judge your attractiveness in the same way.

Social psychology has determined that there are multiple factors that influence interpersonal attraction - and, lo and behold, physical attractiveness is only one of them.

1. Propinquity

The first factor is "propinquity," which means that people tend to form relationships with others living nearby. For example, the chances of you starting a relationship with someone from Denmark are much lower than the chances of you starting a relationship with someone who lives in your town.

This has two implications. First of all, dismissing local men from your dating radar may not be a good idea. I know many women who will only date men who are NOT from their hometown. No matter what their opinions are about "local boys," they're certainly lowering their chances of finding a partner.

Second, you can decrease the distance between you and thousands of eligible men with the click of a button. That's right: with the internet. Internet dating brings thousands of eligible singles into close contact, making geographical distance less of an obstacle.

2. Familiarity

The second factor is "familiarity," also known as the "exposure effect." This means that you tend to like a person that you see more often, or that you're familiar with. This explains why so many students and co-workers tend to form relationships: they see one another on a regular basis in the classroom or in the office.

For you, this means that you can increase your attractiveness to men by being a "regular." Make a habit of going to the same cafes. Go to the gym at the same time every day. Join a club where you interact with the same people regularly. Become a familiar face, and soon you'll find that men are more interested.

3. Similarity

This is a crucial attraction factor from a statistical point of view. According to "Sex in America: A Definitive Survey," people tend to marry partners who are similar in age, in education, in religion, and in race or ethnic background.

We tend to marry people like us for a variety of reasons. Many partners tend to meet through their social network, which implies that they already have a good deal of things in common. Relationships based on a common set of values tend to face fewer conflicts when it comes to big life decisions like childrearing.

What this means for you is twofold. First, you should recognize that focusing your dating efforts on meeting people with whom you already share something in common (like a hobby, a profession, or the same group of friends) will yield greater results than hoping to bump into the "perfect man" on the street, on the bus, or in a crowded nightclub.

Second, it is always best to play up your similarities rather than your differences when you first meet someone that you are interested in. Find out what you have in common, even if it's as basic as a similar taste in music, and build your conversation from that point.

4. Reciprocal liking

This is one of my favorite factors of attraction: it's the theory that you can encourage someone's interest in you simply by showing your interest in them.

We all know people who've liked us immensely since the moment they met us, and it's almost impossible not to like them back. There's something enormously flattering about being liked by someone, especially if they're an attractive member of the opposite sex.

This principle raises doubts about the effectiveness of the "ice queen" technique, whereby women pretend to be aloof and indifferent in order to make men pursue them. There is no sound scientific research proving that it pays to act coldly, UNLESS the other person is super-attractive and used to women fawning all over him. For 90% of us, acting in friendly and interested manner will ignite a reciprocal liking.

So what should you do? Smile! Let a man know that you enjoy his company. For shy guys, or guys who are afraid of rejection, your display of interest will be exactly what he needs to get the courage to take your interaction to the next step.

[Brett]

In reality, the only way to really attract men is to do it with self-respect. A man is actually unable to love a woman who doesn't respect herself. As crazy as it sounds, this is true. If you respect yourself, your chances of finding someone who loves you skyrockets. I'm going to talk about why below. I'll also share some tips on how to respect yourself more if you find that you don't currently do it much.

1. Love A Servant?

Is it possible to love a servant? A servant serves you and makes sure that you are happy. Since they're always serving you, it's not that easy to find out what they want, since it's their job to help you get what you want.

If you want to work hard to find a man who is right for you, you have to make sure that you don't go out and become a servant to him. Don't try to impress him. He has to try and impress you and find out what you like.

2. Guys Are Servants?

Does this mean that all men are essentially servants to women? Yes and no. I studied relationship psychology and basically, men do have to be the ones who serve women, since this is what men have been doing since the dawn of time.

Having said that, in this modern day and age, a woman who can serve a man in return makes out for a stronger relationship. It has to work both ways if the relationship is to work out in the long run.

3. No.

If you want to respect yourself more, say no and mean it. Don't be afraid of turning someone down or making someone work harder for your love. It's not about being bossy, it's about drawing the line and making sure you reject them.

For example, if you're trying to get the attention of a man and you've finally made a break through, if he gives you a time, say "no". This will basically make him think that you're harder to get than you seem, making him want to try and get your attention more.

If you want to learn how to attract men, this is how you do so without losing your dignity. Remember, this is the only way to actually make it work out in the long run. You can't attract men if you don't respect yourself.

[Nameless]

I think you are wrong. I don't know you But from what you said It shows that you respect the relationship these men are supposed to be committed to. And so they won't cheat on their wives or gfs. And if would give them the chance to cheat. Someone else will get her heart broken And from inside of you. You know that you dont want to be a reason of breaking someone's heart That makes me a decent woman So my all respect to you. But don't you think there are other men thinking just like you?
You don't live in a world formed by a 100 person There is billions. And one day you will find the one who matches you. Just wait for it To get the right one..not to get your heart broken