Who Should Pay On a Date, Should the Guy Always Pay?

[Nate]

Tell you what - English is not my native tongue still I'll try to get myself across.

Who pays??? I got it firmly fixed in my cerebral cortex that if you buy her drinks/meals your dating game is lost. So the waiter hands us two the bill. I leave a pause. The silence becomes excruciating.

What happens next - she either coughs up her share with a look of defiance as though saying "you [honkin'] cheapskate" or, with even more defiance, out loud, "You're a man so you must pay!" In both cases, you're the loser because the rapport is crushed to the ground.

There is no second date afterwards. How do I handle that?

[Scot]

My answer is very simple, and it's the same definitive answer I'd give you, also: Whoever invites pays.

And since you're a man in control of your reality, that means you should definitely take the bull by the horns and be the one who makes plans with a woman.

When that happens, you'll need to cover the costs.

I mean, think about it. This is just human nature at work.

If someone were to invite you somewhere cool, you'd probably go, right? But what if that same friend said at the end of the whole experience, "Hey man, go ahead and pick up the tab for this one...I know you won't mind."

You probably wouldn't hang out with him much anymore, would you? I mean, some friend, huh?

Look, I get it. I understand that we've all been taught that throwing a lot of money at women we barely know will basically cause her to lose respect for you and think of you as a "walking ATM machine".

And make no mistake about it, that's 100% true.

So it's no wonder that Kemal is writing me. What a mess, right?

Well, fortunately there's a very simple, uncomplicated solution to this predicament:

Stop taking women out on expensive dates, especially "dinner dates".

Unfortunately, "dinner and a movie" is pretty much embedded in our conscience as the default plan for taking a woman out.

But what if I told you there was a better way?

What if you could create way, way more attraction...all the while doing something with a woman that you both actually enjoy?

And what if your new way of planning time with women caused them to want to get frisky with you first?

And best of all, what if you could get all of that done while spending far less money...maybe even none at all?

Here's what you do. Simply plan a get-together where the two of you go somewhere and simply get to know each other?

It could be a park. It could be downtown in the city. It could be anywhere, really.

If you feel like you've succeeded at causing her to feel safe with you, take her somewhere where you can throw a blanket down and just stare at the stars.

Ask her about her dreams. If the opportunity comes up to share a funny story or a joke...do so.

Remember always. You do not impress a woman by spending money on her and/or piling on the pressure.

If a woman is truly into you, all she really wants is to explore your connection together.

By simply focusing on each other somewhere you can be alone, you really heighten a woman's sensuality. She's going to be excited to be interacting with you.

From there you can do thinks like look into her eyes and smile, whisper in her ear, thumb wrestle...whatever.

I really hope that doesn't sound lame to you. It's not "macho" by any stretch, but representing to a woman what she wants in a man is masculine by her standard of measurement.

She feels safe with you. You're confidently leading. You show character by not being opportunistic in your desire to get your hands all over her.

And make no mistake about it: When you lead with what inspires sensuality in her, it comes back to you as sexuality.

You can throw sexual inuendoes and "kino escalation" out the window. Try the simple steps I'm suggesting and she's likely to ask you, "How long are you going to make me wait?"

And again...you can get the job done with little or even no money spent whatsoever.